that girl is a singin and dancin fool

Surprise 2012!

2012-01-10T16:51:00.001-07:00

Guess what? Yep jobless again and on the search. This time I may try to do more freelance web, writing, communication, web copy, social media, singing, dancing.... whatever people need :) I want to work for a place with a soul... a place that's dedicated to the work of good, not greed. Hitting the non-profits, put up my profile on Andrew Hudson's jobs, on Indeed and Monster - let the search begin.

In case you hear of a job I might qualify for, my resume can be found here:

http://www.indeed.com/r/382e380c64e7c154

and for good measure and search-ability, I'm also posting it here :) Thanks amigos!

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NIELLE MCCAMMON RESUME FOR WEB AND GRAPHIC DESIGN

nielle .mccammon @gmail .com – please email for phone and address

Goal: to serve diligently in the areas of web / graphic design, socialmedia, communication, marketing and more. Looking to learn continually, educate, network, inspire and be inspired.

EDUCATION

2005 – June 2008, University of Phoenix Online
B.S., InformationTechnology, Visual Communication

1993 – 1997, Arizona State University, Tempe, AZ
B.A., English – Listed on Dean’s list two semesters
Studied abroad inMorelia, Mexico summer 1996

Training Completed since 1999 (listed by most current): XHTML / CSS, BU210 eR2P Business ObjectsInfoView, Xcelsius, SAP Business Objects 310: Knowledge Accelerator, SAPBusiness Objects Universe Design, SQL, Writing for the Web, CSS-Based WebDesign, HTML 4.0; Certified Internet Webmaster Foundations I-Net+ (BusinessInternet Applications, HTML, Networking); Macromedia Flash Seminar; MacromediaFireworks and Dreamweaver; SUSE Linux Enterprise Server 9; Plone CSS Skinning;Computers and Information Processing; Business Systems Development; ProjectPlanning and Implementation; Programming Concepts; Database Concepts; Networkingand Telecommunication; Image Editing; Web Design; E-business; E-publishing;Instructional Design and Web Programming (JavaScript, HTML, CSS, XML).

EXPERIENCE

September 2011– January 2012

ProKarma Consulting contracting for First Data USA

Technical WebMarketing Manager

Projects completed:

Managed and updated content on all US sitesas well as international websites. Documented complex program processes for Sharepoint repository whichincluded learning all programs in detail: Adobe CMS CQ5 Day, Eloqua, Magento,Brightcove coding, BoldChat, Google Analytics and more. Released and planned program campaigns withthe marketing department. Analyzedentire First Data USA website, fixed, added and updated content as needed aftertracking down the content owners. Workedto provide navigation advice, best practices documents, URL re-directspreadsheets, DNS domain lists and unending tests of links, campaigns and highprofile sites to ensure quality.

June 2008 – May2011

Diligent Consulting, Inc. contracting for CFLHD, DOT (Dept ofTransportation) Lakewood, CO

Web / Graphic Designer

Projects completed:
Complete redesign of the www.cflhd.gov public website as well as the Intranetsite including planning, sketching designs, meeting with committees, creating visualexamples to work from, and then programming the CSS and HTML to implement thedesired design.
Created and edited graphics, designed logos and animated GIFs and designedmonthly newsletter. Sole contact for thecreation and editing of graphics and design elements.
Sole contact for designing, editing and creating PDF forms and documents asneeded.
Designed Dashboard Portal online site; Redesigned online applications as needed;
Responsible for setting project deadlines and following up with clients on theirneeds.

February 1999 – May 2008
ASU Morrison Institute for Public Policy, Arizona State University – Tempe,AZ
TechnologySupport Analyst, Graphic / Web Design, Marketing

Projects Completed:
Solely responsible for the redesign of the public website twice over a nineyear period. Completed all high profilePowerPoint presentations to be shown to AZ government leaders; Created graphicsfor the PowerPoints as well as tracking down graphics and editing them asneeded; Implemented publication ordering and tracking system; Created onlinebrand and logo scheme; Implemented system for web tracking and statistics andreported findings to director monthly; Worked with other members of theuniversity to ensure correct branding of website;
Created email campaigns (graphics as well as proofing content) and managedemail listserv;
All projects done independently and without supervision or instruction.

SUMMARY OF SKILLS

Web & Graphic Design: 10+ years experience using Dreamweaver and Fireworks.
8 years using Adobe Creative Suite, Photoshop, LiveCycle. Proficient with HTML, XML, CSS andColdFusion. Ability to work solely incode view to program web changes and updates. Ten years experience designing logos, graphics, brochures and otherdocuments as needed. Soon to be training in ASP, .NET and PHP.

Computer Maintenance: Extensiveknowledge of purchase and use of all operating systems, troubleshootingtechniques, networking, updating, and security maintenance. 8 years experiencein technical documentation with complex systems and applications, as well ascomputer set-up and troubleshooting. Familiar with advanced computingterminology and motivated through life-long learning to stay updated astechnology changes.

Interpersonal skills: Web contact forentire west coast of the Department of Transportation when web updates wereneeded. Ability to multi-task andprioritize high profile projects. 10+ years of experience in dealingdirectly with the public, press, university and poltical system as the primarycontact for dissemination and response to reports impacting statewide policydecisions; extensive experience coordinating fund-raising events; strong workethic; friendly, cooperative nature; excellent verbal and written communicationabilities; strong organizational skills.

Freelance Design Projects:

Vailtimeshare.com (maintenance and updates);Krolldenverlaw.com (In planning stage)

(Personal website): Shimmygoddess.com (Inredesign); Avafleming.com (In redesign)

Referencesavailable upon request.

Holiday blessings and here's to 2012!

2011-12-22T18:07:00.005-07:00

I would like to voice an apology to those who always send me holiday cards and never get one from me... I simply don't send them. I used to... but when you are single, no kids, sometimes it's tough to know what to say.

Generally holiday letters voice the best of what's going on. I'm going to be honest with you - 2011 was rough.

I was sick more than I've ever been, fired from a job for the first time and unemployed the entire summer. I stopped teaching bellydance and needed to take a season off from the Mile Hi choir. Romantic relationships proved to be too much to handle too.

But when I look back, I learned a heck of a lot from these challenges - and for that I'm grateful. And what's more, friends and family are plentiful so how can I be anything BUT grateful? I still have a home in Lakewood, CO and an old car that's still kickin, even through the snow!

Now I'm a contractor at First Data (one of the world's biggest credit card processing companies). My title is Technical Web Marketing Manager and it is the busiest, most challenging job I've ever had. I started in September and now FINALLY I am speaking their language and multi-tasking like a master. We manage HUNDREDS of high profile websites and the days fly by trying to keep up with all the projects. My contract is up mid-March... it will depend on their budget to find out if my contract will be renewed or perhaps will be hired as a First Data employee. What unemployment taught me... I can't control these things, so I'm believing it will all work out for the best.

I WAS lucky enough to get an all-paid for trip to Alaska to see girlfriends I hadn't seen in about a decade... and also to Arizona to see friends and meet up with family in Sedona for a reunion. These were enormous blessings during that difficult summer!

It's been wonderful to see more of my dad, Jane, Kate, her husband Drew, Mac and my cousin Sam. My mom came to visit last February and we had a lovely time and other friends have visited as well. My home is always open to anyone who wants to come here!

In closing, I'm heading into 2012 optimistic... and hoping to see many more of you.

Peace, joy and love be with you all!!!

vacations, visions, visitors ~ my unexpected summer

2011-09-01T18:14:00.005-06:00

Things were looking bleak... manic depressive treatment was going, but going slowly... troubles at work... feeling despised, hating getting out of bed...

then suddenly, I get a vibe... "you're getting fired." It's just a feeling at that point but I am always out of place in meetings --- since I started there actually. my 3rd day there was my birthday - not a single soul talked to me. the chattiest people were the smokers, so I pretended to be one of them for a while.

May 25, 2011 I get told I'm being terminated. I won't go into the details because I believe the actual reason is not completely the real reason.

I freak the frack out. I own a condo and am determined not to lose it.

I learn everything I can about collecting unemployment and living on the least I ever have.

But I realize... I have so far from nothing. I have beautiful parents and a step-parent who are supportive and nurturing... my condo is still mine, and I can do whatever the hell I want to (well including looking for a job, training, resume-rewriting... of course).

But on some days, a manic depressive (or even a "regular person") cannot sell themselves to the world... and you need a day off.

I had A LOT of those days. For a while, I was so afraid to do anything that would cost money, I'd stay home all the time. Especially once I remembered the make and year of my car and how long it had been since it had been serviced.

LOTS of nights waking up at 3am sweating, worrying, crying...

Until blessings stepped in and made me forget.

My sweet Annabell and Kristine (college friends) flew me up to Alaska where they live for the annual Girdwood Forest Fair. Kristine manages Maxine's restaurant and needed some extra help during the fair. OK first of all I was on an alcohol fast - second of all those Alaskans scarcely sleep - "it's only 3am Nielle! Time to watch a movie!" But I met the wackiest, funnest people... AND got to see Andy, a very dear friend I've known since Jr High who just HAPPENED to be there traveling... What a crazy random happenstance!

And the experience of rounding up drunk people at 2:45 am in Alaska will stick with me... "Who are you? Do you know your name? Where Do you live? Um who did you come here with? DOES ANYONE KNOW THIS MAN? Where are your people sleeping?"

Then the forest fair was lovely and what do I see in the middle of a 2,000 person Alaskan town fair but Moria Chappell - a bellydance SUPERSTAR and one of my heroes who I've taken bellydance workshops with! She didn't know me from mud but I stopped, looked her in the eye and said MORIA! (probably scaring her a little)... it was another crazy, beautiful vision happenstance.

Seeing Anna and Kristine after so many years was the biggest treat ~ I still can't thank them enough for getting me there. Next time I'm having Kristine take me shooting and Anna take me fishing.

Vacation #2 - Don't hate me but I got to stay in a resort in Sedona... my wonderful, thoughtful Grandfather has a fund for family reunions and gets us all together even though it's terrible work for he and grandma as they're in their 90's. My mom and Heidi drove up with the pups so I get to see her too as well as all the McCammons. No family is without its difficult moments but I treasure mine truly.

Then my friend Josh came to visit twice this summer. Great companionship as we get each other completely - and I can take him to visit high school buddies like Shelly. We looked through high school yearbooks, watched True Blood marathons, and Ziggy likes him way better.

Would I ever have taken this much time off? Never, so I'm guessing it was life's way of telling me.
Work on your story, visit people, get out in the world.... remember your purpose... which is????

Ahhh the elusive question - but things are looking up my friends :-)

Thanks for reading (those who did) <3

Mental Health Resources (both human and online) #BackInTheSaddle

2011-07-28T23:50:00.011-06:00

Hello strangers! I've not been blogging due to the slow and struggling demise of my previous laptop... now we're in business and I'm excited to be able to get to some web projects!

But the purpose of this post is to pass along a little info gleaned from BP Magazine, a very fine publication for those struggling with depression, bipolar, mania, etc.

It is also to thank family and friends for their support during this odd time of unemployment. The key to keep going, make plans with friends and family and have them harass you to keep those plans! Getting out and having purpose is the best cure for me.

For those of you who struggle with Bipolar, Manic Depression and Major Depression Disorder, here is some helpful info. Rarely do I think of natural disasters and the possibility of it happening to me - but you never know and wouldn't want your mental health to be even worse off...

For Those with Depression, Mental Health Resources May Help Empower Individuals Before Natural Disasters Strike

Almost 300 million people across the world were affected by natural disasters in 2010. When natural disasters hit, the possibility of being cut off from helpful resources, treatment, and medication can be an alarming thought for the millions of American adults affected by depression. Just as you prepare for an impending storm to ensure you have plenty of food, water, and backup light sources, preparation can be beneficial for those managing depression.

“Planning in advance of a natural disaster may help empower those with depression. There are several things you can do in advance to help ensure you can continue to manage your depression effectively,” said Dr Richard Jackson, psychiatrist at the Neurobehavioral Medicine Group.

Below are several tips to implement in advance of a natural disaster to help ensure you can effectively manage your depression.

Know your prescription refill routine. Try and prepare by filling your prescriptions ahead of time and identify various pharmacies in the area you can visit in case your neighborhood pharmacy is unavailable

Create an emergency index card with important phone numbers or contact information you might need (eg, your physician, local support group, pharmacist, family, friends)
Identify local chapters of mental health organizations like the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) or the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) that may offer classes or tips on preparing for crises and sign up

Identify the contact information for your local Red Cross chapter and familiarize yourself with the services it might be able to offer you in times of need
Go online and visit sites like www.TakeonDepression.com, sponsored by AstraZeneca, to access educational resources to help track and manage your depression

Importantly, there are many local resources available at the time of disaster as well. For example, the Find a Provider feature on the National Council for Community Behavioral Healthcare Web site can provide information about alternative local providers if your usual provider is not operational.

The combination of unemployment and depression is a volatile cocktail but things are moving in the right direction and finally am learning to see the blessings and move in positive directions.

Any other unemployed out there?

Who's your catfish?

2011-07-09T16:52:00.000-06:00

From the fascinating movie "Catfish" :::

"They used to tank cod from Alaska all the way to China. They'd keep them in vats in the ship. By the time the codfish reached China, the flesh was mush and tasteless. So this guy came up with the idea that if you put these cods in these big vats, put some catfish in with them and the catfish will keep the cod agile. And there are those people who are catfish in life. And they keep you on your toes. They keep you guessing, they keep you thinking, they keep you fresh. And I thank god for the catfish because we would be droll, boring and dull if we didn't have somebody nipping at our fin."

10 Easy Ways You Can Celebrate Star Wars Day

2011-05-04T08:09:00.001-06:00

Death Star PR: 10 Easy Ways You Can Celebrate Star Wars Day:

"May the 4th be with you! Yes, May the 4th is here. Star Wars day. The day that we celebrate one of the greatest stories ever told, a story that has captured the hearts and minds and money (soooo much money) of countless fans for over thirty years. Apart from the bits with Jar Jar Binks in. (READ ON HERE)

does anyone even notice?

2011-04-28T13:43:00.004-06:00

If you could see all my blog drafts, you would understand what it means to be bipolar.

what a mess. what to post? all these half-finished thoughts during various moods...

the point of this non-blog? no posts usually means indecision, shifty moods and inability to best express myself.

does anyone even care?

shut UP Dawn! (Buffy reference)

how are you? some creative responses please!

2011-03-30T12:47:00.006-06:00

Being bipolar, sometimes it's difficult for me to simply answer the question, "How are you?" Because honestly, the answer can change A LOT frequently throughout a day. Obviously I'm working to be as "stable" as possible... and quite frequently I fully rely on that "fake it till you make it" strategy.

Most of the time (especially in the office) people don't really want or care to hear an honest answer or anything past "Good, You?" It's a stupid habit that even I've gotten into. I've tried to simply say hi when walking past someone unless I genuinely want to stop and talk to them and ask how they are (why don't we all do that, mmmkay?)

It's the "fake" part I'm having trouble with... on the days when I'm expected to say "fine" when I am so very far from fine it feels like venom dripping out of my lips to say the word... I want something else to say - something really witty that will take my mind off things and make the other person stop and smile. I like my comebacks slightly sarcastic but generally upbeat and positive (of course I can never think them up until too late).

A wonderfully fantastic friend of mine has these types of responses all the time - here are just a few:

I'd complain but no one seems to listen.

I'm not unwell, thank you.

Glowing with a zest for life.

If I were better I'd be twins, and that frightens most people. (my personal favorite)

Why? How do I look?

I like them because they're original, funny and can be interpreted different ways depending on the inflection in your voice, your facial expressions when you say them... Not to mention when the person doesn't get the standard good/fine answer, it could even lead to an unexpectedly great conversation.

Do you have any good "how are you" responses?
Do you always lie if you're in a lousy mood and say 'fine'? Or if you're in a bad mood, do you have an amusing way to respond to the how are you question?
Please comment!

Laughing at the insanity thanks to @CarrieFFisher

2011-03-24T13:15:00.006-06:00

Thanks to a friend I borrowed Carrie Fisher's book Wishful Drinking about her life as a child OF a celebrity, her addictions and life AS a celebrity and her struggle with manic depression (bipolar).

First of all this book is a fast, easy and funny read for anyone. "There is no underwear in space" is a George Lucas quote I'll remember forever. The name-dropping is quite extensive and while she briefly discusses her addictions, it's not like a 12-step recovery book. Mostly it's just hysterical (I literally fell off the bed when reading it).

But what made it best for me was reading her discuss bipolar disorder and LAUGHING about it. Not in a minimalize-the-seriousness-of-the-illness kind of way... but in a, I need to laugh about it so I can find some kind of enjoyment in life and not end up committed-kind-of-way.

She shares when she finds out that it is HER FACE in Leia costume illustrating an entry about Bipolar in a medical journal. (It's an angry Leia picture too. How wacko would that be to discover?)

"Having waited my entire life to get an award for something, anything...I now get awards all the time for being mentally ill."

So you know if we're giving out awards for mental illness, how about a parade too?

"I thought I would inaugurate a Bipolar Pride Day. You know, with floats and parades and stuff! On the floats we would get the depressives, and they wouldn’t even have to leave their beds - we’d just roll their beds out of their houses, and they could continue staring off miserably into space. And then for the manics, we’d have the manic marching band, with manics laughing and talking and shopping and f***ing and making bad judgment calls."

Unfortunately, it's hard for me to laugh at myself (or anything) during the depressed time... but that above quote always brings a smile to my face no matter what. My bed's on wheels Carrie, no matter the mood, I'd be honored to be in your parade :)

Thanks for the laughs and reminding us we're not alone.

And for that story about Harrison Ford.

practicing meditation with eyes open

2011-03-14T13:56:00.006-06:00

I've been reading about meditation but it never crossed my mind before that it may be necessary to do open-eyed meditation...

Susan Piver describes why in an email subscription I recently received:

Regarding the eyes: people often wonder why they're kept open during practice, saying that it's just too distracting or that it's easier to become peaceful with the eyes closed. Duly noted! And if the point of meditation was to minimize distraction and feel peaceful, this would be a problem. But the idea (of this practice, in any case) is neither. Instead, it is to find a sense of steadiness in the midst of all distractions and to cultivate acceptance of any and all mind states: including peacefulness, but also extending to irritation, ecstasy, sadness, dullness, silliness, sharpness, and so on. If we try to cut out all mind states but one, we miss the glorious wakeful brilliance of things as they are, of ourselves. So when you practice, keep your eyes open and the gaze soft. Feel what it feels like to open to your world, to sit with it all, and to relax. This is an extremely dignified thing to do.

There's a time and place for closed eye meditation but the kind she's talking about here has been taught for generations and doesn't contribute to the divide we feel when we meditate with our eyes closed and then have to go back to our "normal" lives.

For more:

http://www.susanpiver.com/wordpress/2011/03/14/eyes/

Bellydance Affirmation from @ShimmyMag

2011-03-07T13:42:00.005-07:00

I've heard this called the "Belly Dancer's Code" - but I really like this affirmation that came from the newsletter of Shimmy in the Spirit of Bellydance by Holly Luky.

March Affirmation- by Tonya Chianis RScP

Dignity

Have you thought about how many different cultures have embraced the wonderful art form of Le Dance Oriental or Belly Dance. It's being accepted and perfected by practically every country in the world. And even more amazing is how wonderful the dancers are. When you become a part of this dance world, be so proud to know that you are supporting the women and men whose roots are in this dance. Make up your mind to share your finest costume creations, as well as perform, in the most dignified and thoughtful ways. So many countries of this dance origin have suffered and continue to suffer greatly through wars. Every time we do this dance we bring to the attention of others, not only our desire to be respected in this dance, but our respect to the countries of it's origin. Adding bits of this dance and fusing it with other country dances, has become very popular.

It is done in their countries as well. This would appear to be a general consciousness of more people falling in love with all dance. Whatever your choice in dance is, respect yourself as well as the dance. The dignity comes from looking good when you perform, being a class act when you perform, and respecting
your choices in dance with the proper knowledge to back up what you do.

AFFIRM: I am aware of the love for this dance by people all over this

world. I am always doing my part to bring myself and my dance, the

dignity and and respect it deserves.

Shimmy Magazine on Twitter / Facebook

Wonder Woman make-up line from MAC

2011-02-08T10:31:00.011-07:00

< girlygeeksquee >

It's pretty unlikely I'll buy this (you know, tight budget and all that) but I just had to give props to MAC for releasing this new Wonder Woman line of make-up. It would be awesome to see their NYC store as it's currently transformed to look like a Wonder Woman comic.

I'm not a girly girl and am severely fashion impaired but I do wear lots of make-up for bellydance... I'll bet amazon-powered lips and lashes and would be especially exiting for Hips of Fury ;-) The glitter alone could be useful in deflecting unwanted evil...

The mascara pitch has lured in this naive WW fan to believing in amazon lashes: "A superhero mascara! Lashes go dense and dramatic with an anti-gravity high volume curled effect. Longwear, fighting-fit formula offers up to 15 hours of wimp-free wear."

And whoa shiny, they have WW accessories to store all your amazon secret weapons. The bags are said to be bullet-proof. I'd like to see them test that theory.

OK thanks. That was fun.
< / girlygeeksquee >

love is all you need

2011-02-02T12:28:00.001-07:00

Love interprets itself to everyone who knows love, comes to everyone who senses love, impersonates itself in forms which are human, in experiences which are divine. As we experience this indwelling divinity, it becomes real. It is not an illusion; it is the great motivating power of the universe. We touch it, revealed through this man, that woman, this child, and because they reflect our love to us, we “fall in love” with that person. This is God expressing through us.

Dr. Ernest Holmes

dumb jokes that are funny via the @oatmeal

2011-02-01T15:10:00.003-07:00

sometimes I like to discuss scientific articles...
sometimes I code and program so much I just want to read dumb jokes...

ta da! The Oatmeal is a regular source of mirth & hilarity from the blogs and comics alone but sometimes I just want to get back to my really juvenile roots:

http://theoatmeal.com/djtaf/

Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!

Body rediscovered - welcome back to the shimmy goddess realm #bellydance

2011-01-13T08:46:00.009-07:00

As a bellydancer who works a 7:30 to 5 web design job each day, it is understandable that there isn't always enough time to practice, take class and perform as much as I want to. During the holidays, this is especially difficult and for me, usually results in a hiatus from dance for a while.

In the weeks before Christmas we are busily occupied with shopping, planning, wrapping, baking and in my case, singing at many Christmas services at Mile Hi Church.
These activities keep me occupied enough that I stop caring as much about nutrition, exercise and the physical activities that give me the energy I need.

I'm not a fan of running or gyms and machines in terms of fitness. I like yoga, fast walking, hiking and dance. As anyone in Colorado knows, getting outside in the winter can be challenging unless it's a ski trip (which requires considerable money, time, etc. Or snow-shoeing if one happens to have snow shoes).

I have a wide variety of dance and fitness DVDs that I like but again having the time and discipline during the holidays is a challenge for me.

I enjoy the holidays in that it means everyone in my family sets aside a few days from their busy lives to come together to eat (a LOT), play games and spend time together. This is a heightened, wonderful time - hard to continue in every day life.

Then comes the week after Christmas. Left in the after-math of the hustle of the holidays, it's a strange feeling for me not quite knowing what to do with myself. I feel a bit lost... It's been so many weeks since I had consistent exercise, my body is drained, listless and I find it challenging to even get out of bed. This drastic change in daily living triggers a depression in my bi-polar brain and suddenly the drastic downward spiral is in effect before I even realize its happening.

What's the point of this blog post? (you might be asking yourself...)
When I finally dragged my sorry butt out of bed, I did some basic, gentle yoga. Things got a little better. The muscles said, 'we're ready to work a little more,' so I did some dance conditioning drills and exercises. The body said, 'oooh I need this but I'm not quite having fun yet.'

At the encouragement of the lovely Rafi'ah Ruyah (thank you!) I signed up for her bellydance class in Littleton... and suddenly - WHOOSH, it's a total transformation. The muscle memory takes over and the joy of dance makes exercise effortless, expressive and empowering (hmm nice alliteration). And I realized why this is.

While it is a fun, feminine, fitness activity which creates a bond between you and other women, bellydance is a practice in mastering your body and doing it with grace.
We learn to isolate all the muscles, move them in sharp or sinuous ways at varying speeds. We can even move our feet in one pattern and rhythm while our arms and hips are doing something totally different.

The joy and practice of bellydance (for me) offers so much more than just exercise and community; it's a powerful mode of mind and body transformation challenging us to cultivate our self-image and unique womanly strength.

Thank you to all my shimmy sisters out there :)
In gratitude of the dance,
Nielle

2010 ~ 5 Lessons and Gratitude. What are yours?

2010-12-22T10:56:00.008-07:00

I never make new year resolutions. Mostly because being manic depressive, I have a lot of ups and downs... and when I made resolutions in the past, it was usually during an "up" motivated time... but when the down times came I was unable to follow through and would then beat myself up because of it.

Instead of resolutions, I have faith and hope that life will continue to improve because of taking care of myself in all capacities, continually striving toward compassion and love for everyone ~ a life-long practice. Forgiveness to myself when I fail and forgiveness to others and remembrance that we are all connected in spirit.

"If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't, you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad."
Denis Waitley

This year was pretty big in terms of personal break-throughs for me. I'd like to count those blessings, acknowledge the lessons and use that knowledge in the upcoming time. The dark, terrible moments were the catalysts to work diligently for a change and so for those I am grateful.

1. Hit the lowest low I've had in terms depression/anxiety and finally took productive steps to get help. While still a struggle, there are noticeably more great days :) Realizing that these productive steps need to continue and be consistent; do the work necessary to make the changes.

2. Quit drinking alcohol in August. Was tough at first but I think of it less all the time. For the sake of mental/physical/financial/everything it just made sense to quit. The migraines alone - oy.

3. Hiatus from dating after spring... Learning how to make better decisions and be logical for a change. I'm proud of the courage it takes to go it alone and my ability to go through walks of life alone when necessary. (Hey if it's good enough for Emerson...)

4. Being more responsible for my money - not spending beyond my means and paying off credit. Things have gotten slowly better and I'm encouraged. (Thanks dad for your help in the budgeting habits :)

5. Cultivating friendships and relationships with family. This is really important to me and I had to do some damage control from my previous down times, issues, cancellations, etc. It's almost impossible to be a good daughter/sister/friend when filled with fear, anxiety, shame and all those garbage emotions. But in the midst of that, there blossomed some unexpected friendships and deepened some existing relationships that I treasure and am so grateful for. Thank you to those who stuck with me and helped me get out of myself into a better life.

(and I need to throw in my gratitude for getting into the Mile Hi Choir - 120 friendly folks to sing with are also becoming a new family :)

If you happen to be the one reading this ;-) please drop some comments on your lessons... come in, and know me better man!

Wishing you every joy ~ peace on earth ~ goodwill to all

Geek Girl's Musings on Harry Potter-land by @Bkquinn

2010-11-22T14:55:00.015-07:00

Since she was so awesome at describing her Comic-Con experience, I asked Byrony for a play by play account of her recent trip to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I love to live vicariously through others and if you do too and are also fans of Harry Potter; I hope you enjoy this post. :-)

A Geek Girl’s Musings on The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

By Byrony Mackey

I am a Harry Potter fan.

By fan, I don’t mean I ‘like’ Harry Potter. I don’t mean that the books are an ‘enjoyable read’.

I don’t use the word ‘fan’ as lackadaisically as most people do these days. I have Slytherin robes that I constructed (with my Mom’s help. Thanks, Mom!) I have a wand carved from wood corresponding to my birth-month in the Celtic calendar. I consider myself a fanatic.

Fanatic:

[fuh-nat-ik]

a person motivated by irrational enthusiasm (as for a cause); "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject"--Winston Churchill
marked by excessive enthusiasm for and intense devotion to a cause or idea; "rabid isolationist"
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

In the beginning…there was doubt

I didn’t want to read the Harry Potter books. I was in my early 20’s, just off a bad divorce, trying to make my way through college. I had heard about them, who hadn’t? Yet the prevailing thought was: ‘Those are kid’s books. I don’t have time for kid’s books.’

Around this time, one of my older sisters came to visit me at school. When I told her I hadn’t read them, she made me drive her to the mall (I went to school in rural West Virginia. The closest book store was in the mall, about 45 miles away) where she promptly purchased me the paperback set containing the first 4 books. (Book 5 wasn’t out yet.) The day after she left I decided I wouldn’t let her purchase be in vain. I was extremely poor at the time, so her spending that much money on a whim for me was spoke volumes as to how much she thought I’d enjoy them. I picked up book 1 and tore through it in about 2-3 hours. Book 2? Another 2-3 hours. Needless to say, I finished the first 4 books in less than 3 days. I was hooked. Over the next few years I read all the books at least 2x a year. I joined an online role-playing group called Avistrum (I believe they’re still around) I listened to MuggleCast and learned everything there was to learn about Harry Potter.

And then…there was a plan

Time to fast-forward my life a few years. I heard on MuggleCast about the plans to construct the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Orlando’s Island of Adventure; which I was really excited about, but was pretty sure I would probably never go. My husband thinks my little obsessions are cute, but that doesn’t mean he shares them. He likes the movies, but I haven’t succeeded in getting him to read the books. I made more than a few jokes that he was lucky the park wasn’t done by the time we got married, or we would’ve spent our honeymoon cuddling over Butterbeer rather than hiding from Hurricane Omar in our St. Thomas hotel room. About 6 months ago we were at a BBQ with our good friends Ryan & Janie. (Names have been (badly) changed to protect their identities.) Janie loves Harry Potter, too. Not quite as obsessively as I do (I think she’d rather be caught dead than be seen in house robes) but she loves me all the same. The menfolk were having themselves a discussion nearby, and soon Janie and I found ourselves doing some eavesdropping. They were planning a vacation. For the 4 of us. To go to Orlando. ZOMGWE’REGOINGTOHARRYPOTTERLAND!!11!!one!!one!111eleventy-one!

And then…there was more planning

Now, we’re getting into some of the exciting stuff. There are many different package deals you can get, and they all lead you to the same destination: Universal Orlando. Having been there previously, I had an idea of what we could expect, and how to plan accordingly. There was an enticing package which promised early admittance to Hogsmeade, breakfast at the Three Broomsticks as well as a ‘Commemorative’ ticket. I steered away from that because…well…I’m cheap. We ended up purchasing 2-day park passes from the Universal website. My personal preference is to hit one park, and hit it hard. You could conceivably spend a lot more time walking between parks if you buy a ParkHopper pass, than just waiting in line since you’ll be doing it anyway. They really push those things hard. I don’t see the point unless you are only there for one day.

Since I’m your quintessential Virgo, but an A-type personality on top of that, I took control of the itinerary planning. I admit it. I’m domineering. It’s not just that I want to have it my way, it’s that I know my way is best. (FYI, that was just a litmus test to see if my husband even reads this article…) OK, for serious now. I researched all the hotels in a 20 mile radius of Universal. I looked at bus schedules. Read menus of restaurants nearby. Calculated cab fares, (Oh yes, I did) and I researched car companies.

Finally, for our hotel, we settled on the La Quinta Inn & Convention Center. They had a free shuttle to and from the park. A complimentary hot breakfast, and a decent looking pool. Upon arrival, I actually realized I had stayed in that exact same hotel when I was in Orlando for the NCAA Swimming Championships back when I was in college. Ahhh, memories. The hotel is pretty nice, especially when you consider the price, which was about $50 a night booked through Expedia. They moved our rooms so the couples would be across the hall from each other, and every time I spoke with anyone at the hotel they were gracious and super helpful. It’s located right on International Drive, a few miles from Universal. We used the hotel’s ‘preferred’ transportation company, GuyTours instead of renting a car to get there from the airport. Sheika, our driver, was freaking awesome. What a great guy, call him if you need to go somewhere in Orlando. It was about $70 round trip, which I calculated out to $100 if you take a cab.

‘Spared no expense!’ – John Hammond, Jurassic Park

So finally we have fast-forwarded to being at the park. We decided to go to Islands of Adventure on Friday, that way we’d have the option to return on Saturday if we felt we missed something. If not, we’d go to Universal on Saturday. We were picking up our tickets at the Kiosk when I heard a woman nearby exclaim: ‘THIS is my commemorative ticket? What a ripoff!!’. So…according to that woman, the commemorative ticket is not really worth it.

I wasn’t aware that Universal had implemented a fingerprint scan system throughout the park. (Apparently Disney does this, as well. Sue me, I’ve never been to Disney) I thought this was pretty dang snazzy, 1984-ish as it seemed. But my Big Brother fears were quickly erased by my first view of Hogwarts Castle. We could see it rising in the distance, and if you squinted just right, you could cut the Jurassic Park visitor’s center out of your line of vision. I love me some dino’s, but I don’t want them running loose in Hogsmeade!

Now, forgive me for this next part if you’re an avid theme-park-goer. I haven’t been to many theme parks. Knotsberry Farm, 6-Flags and Universal Orlando (but not IoA) were my only experiences to date. On top of that, I was never an adult at any of them, so you tend to notice different things. My first impression was ‘WOW, is this place clean or WHAT?!?’ Since I had just spotted Jurassic Park, the quote from John Hammond kept running through my head all day: ‘Spared no expense!’ That’s overall how I felt about this park. I was floored. The buildings were all artfully aged and beautiful. Everything was clean and sparkling, unless it was supposed to look old and rusty.

All aboard the Hogwart’s Express!

After making our way through Dr. Suess land as well as Sinbad land (yes, I will refer to everything as ___ land. Please refer to the Universal Website if you want proper names) we finally laid eyes on Hogsmeade. Janie and I cried. Not like hungry, angry babies or anything, but we both got a little teary. The crooked chimneys. The real-looking snow on the peaked roofs. I felt like I was in Hogsmeade. Unfortunately with about ten billion other people (HOLY CROWDED!) but still. The Hogwart’s Express is there when you first walk into Hogsmeade. Next to it is a ‘depot’ of lockers, (they use the fingerprint scanning here, too. DO NOT leave ALL your money in the locker. Just in case. I warned you.) for the Dragon Challenge ride.

What do you mean ‘No Dragons’??

We opted to go right on the Dragon Challenge ride, as the wait was only listed as 10 minutes. The walk up is festooned with banners for the 4 Champions in the Tri-Wizard Challenge. You pass by Hagrid’s hut (I don’t think it was built to scale…) and finally the Flying Ford Anglia which beeps and flashes its lights at you. Very cute. You enter into what appears to be the tent the Champions wait in before the (wait for it…) Dragon Challenge in the movie. The Goblet of Fire is also in there. I didn’t have a chance to put my name in it. Following along, you pass by the Tri-Wizard Cup itself! I was getting so very excited by this time…until we were deep in the caverns, and the announcement came. “We’re sorry, the Dragon Challenge is down for maintenance right now, we are not sure when it will resume”. What? WHAT? GAH! I want Dragons!

Oh well. I’m in Harry Potter Land!! Even broken dragons can’t quench my enthusiasm.

Diagonsmeade. Alley. Place.

I was actually very surprised by how small the shops were in Hogsmeade. I don’t know if they underestimated the amount of people or just didn’t feel like making them bigger? Possibly it was the throngs of people that skewed my perception. There are a lot of faux storefronts they have set up, with window displays and the like, so maybe they left room for expansion. Honeyduke’s and Zonko’s are connected to each other, and I noticed right away that they really didn’t have too many differing products. I looked at one shelf, then another…and they had the same stuff on them. I wasn’t really there for the shopping at either of these stores, so this bothered me little.

The store I was really looking forward to was the Owl Post. To get in, Janie and I waited in line for about 25 minutes. They could only let a couple people in at a time, and even with that I wish they let in less. The Owl Post is connected to Dervish and Banges. The store is really narrow and really small! Here they sell house robes, patches, sweaters, ties, you name it. I purchased a Slytherin patch for my robes. A very neat thing was the Monster Book of Monsters display. They have an animated one in a cage which growls and moves. The MBoM that they sell there was not my favorite, though. Janie purchased one from Amazon.com for my birthday last year; I like it much better, it’s all plush. The ones in DandB’s had a plastic tongue and I they just didn’t appeal to me. I finally made my way into the Owl Post, which is so small you can’t walk freely through it, unless you’re the only person in it. It’s a square room, with a counter smack in the middle. There are shelves all the way around, and behind the counter there’s really only room for one person, so you’re essentially in a line, that only moves when the first person moves.

The Owl Post is also where they sell wands. (Although they are also for sale at an outdoor booth or two. I suggest purchasing your wand from Alivans.com, but that’s just me.) As I have a wand already (10¾" vine wood, with a dragon heartstring core) we skipped Olivander’s. Now I didn’t realize that when they have a group in Olivander’s they bring them through into the Owl Post.

There’s a distinct lack of order when it comes to trying to purchase something. I grabbed some postcards, a Dark Mark wax seal kit (OMG, I LOVE that thing.) and an awesome picture frame that looks like a trunk and stood in the general area I figured was the line. About this time a door opens to my left, and here comes a huge group from Olivander’s!! It was chaos. Total chaos. It does puts a damper on enjoying the whole thing. I was excited about the postcards, because they ‘postmark’ them from Hogsmeade. Which was AWESOME…until I found out they don’t carry any postcard stamps. Make a mental note: bring postcard stamps.

Butterbeer! Drinkable Diabetes!

We finally got out of the Owl Post, and went to find the guys who were wetting their whistles over at the Hog’s Head Pub. I believe it’s the only place to procure an adult beverage in Hogsmeade. (Other than carts.) The bar is beautiful; it’s cleverly aged with a moving (and huge) hog’s head behind it. Shrunken heads hang from the wall, although I didn’t hear them talk. The men had gotten two butterbeers, one frozen, one not, so that we could taste them both. I’ve read that most people prefer the frozen, but I have to say it’s the last for me. It was really, really good. But really, really sweet!! Wow, I don’t know how someone could drink more than one of those! It tastes like melted Werther’s butterscotches and a dash of Cream Soda. As a grownup who enjoys adult beverages, I was really disappointed they didn’t have a version made with say, Butterscotch Schnapps. We did enjoy our drinks, and the commemorative mugs they came in (we’re going to concoct our own.). I must admit I am seriously afraid of my next dental visit. The Three Broomsticks is attached to the Hog’s Head, but it’s mainly a restaurant. While we did not eat there, the smells coming from it were tantalizing!

Hogwarts! Hogwarts! Hoggy Warty Hogwarts!

Teach us something, please!!

We’re on our way to the castle! I’m really not sure how to convey just how astonishing Hogwarts Castle is. Every detail had been painstakingly crafted. Janie and I cried again. The outside waiting area is made to look like the Greenhouse, and cunningly so. Each piece of metal is skillfully rusted, and the hanging pots of plants have real exotic, Harry Potter-looking plants in them. There’s one which must be some type of carnivorous plant, I WANT ONE!! I don’t know what it is, but I want one. It looked terribly tropical, which means it won’t happily live in Arizona, though.

On entry to the castle, you’ll see a golden statue of the Architect of Hogwarts. He is holding a model of Hogwarts in one hand, and some charts (?) in the other. The four house mascots are represented as well. At the end of the first stretch you’re faced with the great phoenix statue which in the movies guards the entrance to Dumbledore’s office. (Acid Pops is not the current password.) Continuing along you see the House Points containers (Slytherin was in second place.), the Mirror of Erised (I saw myself living there…) and some assorted tapestries you may recognize from the movies.

And now, moving portraits!! I was blown away by this room, which was a sort of replica of the Great Hall. The screens on the moving portraits were even painted to appear like oil paintings. They move among each other and converse, as well. It was so magical I almost felt 6 years old again. (For clarification, at that age I would’ve still wanted to believe they were real.) Next up is Dumbledore’s office! He appears up on the balcony and speaks to you, I was loving whatever type of screen technology they used. His office is full of beautiful paraphernalia such as the Pensieve. Portraits of headmasters follow your progress into the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. This is where you get the ‘story’ of the ride. The Trio comes out from under the Invisibility Cloak on the balcony, and explains they would like to help you get out of boring Professor Binns history class. Professor Binns was a teacher who passed away in the Teacher’s Lounge one day, and his ghost got up out of his body and proceeded to teach class. He’s exceedingly dull, so I personally appreciate very much the Trio’s efforts in getting us out of that. Out of the DAtDA classroom we find the Pink Lady welcoming us into the Gryffindor Common Room. I really want a fireplace big enough to stand in, by the way. The one in the Common Room is gorgeous!!

The Forbidden Journey pretty much rules.

After the Common Room you’ll be ready to get on the ride. (I didn’t mention the room with the floating candles, those were sweet.) Each car has 4 seats, and this ride is half animatronics, and half almost virtual reality.

I felt like I was flying. Really flying on a broom, through Hogwarts. Oh no!! Hagrid lost a dragon! No worries, it’ll find you! I don’t want to go through the entire ride for you, but if you want to fly on a broom through Hogwarts grounds, including the Quidditch Pitch….you need to go. This was my favorite ride of the entire trip. It’s pretty much the sweetest ride ever, IMHO.

WELL DONE DRAGON!!!

Now I must take a moment to impart to you what I believe to be the differences between a ‘ride’ and a ‘coaster’. These are two very different animals. While they share some attributes, they’re like synonyms. They sound the same, but they mean different things. A ‘ride’ is both physically and mentally involving. A ‘coaster’ is usually just physically involving. A ‘ride’ wants to pull you into a story. A ‘coaster’ wants to push your lunch out of your stomach.

With that being said, the best coaster is the Dragon Challenge!! Our earlier disappointment notwithstanding, this coaster delivers. Note: We did not (to my husband’s endless chagrin) get to compare the Hollywood Rockit as that was closed for maintenance. So I cast my vote at the Dragons. (But I love Dragons, so why wouldn’t I??) This coaster consists of two separate coasters. When you arrive at the boarding area, you have your choice to ride the Chinese Fireball (red-orange) or the Hungarian Horntail (purple-blue). My research revealed that the Dragon ride was one of IoA’s original attractions, which explains the colors. These two coasters start out on the same hill, side by side, but quickly move to traverse separate courses. There are a few near-misses with the feet of the riders on the other Dragon, which is totally sweet. We rode the Chinese Fireball first, and then went right back to try to tame the Hungarian Horntail. After the ride I was under the impression that the Horntail ride was a lot shorter than the Fireball, but all sources say they are the same length. This coaster is everything I expect a coaster to be. Sweet, sweet, red awesomeness on a track, heading straight towards sweet, sweet blue awesomeness on another track. So while the Forbidden Journey is my favorite ride, don’t let that detract from the fact that the Dragon Challenge is my favorite coaster.

All fun things must fade to memory

Well, our Harry Potter adventure came to an end. All in all it was a fantastic vacation that was enjoyed by each of us. We made it the perfect mix of action and rest.

In closing I just have a few points of advice if you are going to plan a vacation to Universal Orlando’s Wizarding World of Harry Potter:

Do your research. There is a world of information on the web!! Don’t go in blind. Know what time parks open and close. Know transportation schedules. Know what the weather will be like. See what you can or can’t bring into the park. Make a plan of what you absolutely MUST see.

Bring bottled water. You are allowed to bring this in, along with snacks. Don’t bring anything crazy, like a tuna fish sandwich, but bring some granola bars. Some gummy snacks, something! Unless you like paying out the wazoo for something you could have brought, of course.

Bring a small-ish backpack. You’ll probably be buying stuff. It’s pretty sweet to shove it in your bag and swing that on your back rather than holding it in your hand all day.

Bring sunscreen. I live in AZ. I’m used to the sun and I still make it a point to wear sunscreen. Sunburn hurts, especially if you live in a cold climate and are not used to the FL sun! Reapply often through the day, and don’t forget the tops of your ears!

Wear comfortable, weather-appropriate clothing. Lady in the black leather skirt, ridiculously small red halter top and sky-high heels, I’m looking at you!! (She was a trooper, though. We saw her a few times through the day.)

I hope you all enjoyed my trip half as much as I did!! Always remember, "draco dormiens nunquam titillandus!!!"

(from Nielle) For muggles who may not know, draco dormiens nunquam titillandus means: Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon.

"Snake Hips" #bellydance book

2010-11-09T15:41:00.013-07:00

At the recommendation of a twitter friend, I picked up Snake Hips: Belly Dancing and How I Found True Love from the library.

Its playful conversational style and personal narrative flow made it a quick, easy read. It's one woman's story following a break-up and how bellydance became a fun, life-changing hobby to pull her out of the heartbreak. She describes adventures in both dating and becoming immersed in the bellydance community.

I was more interested to read about her experiences with bellydance. Anyone who gets into it knows how addictive it is and so then you move to the next phase after classes; performing. Anyone who performs gigs can empathize with her experiences in the dreadful venues; shows getting delayed by hours, little pay, no dressing room area, uninterested audience members, etc. Performing in places ranging from senior centers, random carnivals, bars, concerts and the most unexpected places is always an adventure.

She had a great analogy about how to channel your best performance expression that I wanted to share. In this style of dance, sometimes women feel they have to portray a sultry, sexy facial expression. This is actually the last thing you want to do (as Ava Fleming says, bellydance is sexy by accident, you don't need to make sex face.) So other than just smiling, what kind of expressions should you present?

She determined she enjoyed the dancers whose smile says "I'm up to something and don't you wish you knew what it was!" A smile she remembers from the lovable yet mischievous cartoon characters, Chip and Dale.

"Chip and Dale do not fear rejection. Chip and Dale are not trying to be sexy. Chip and Dale just want to have a good time and maybe get away with something in the process... always smiling, joking, always there to entertain.... They would dance and smile and cajole and frolic and have a grand time doing it whether anyone clapped or not."

So the next time you perform, channel your inner Chip and Dale.
I thought this was an excellent suggestion! Performing is difficult... even seasoned performers get nerves and stage fright... and presenting the right facial expression usually takes a back seat to remembering your routine, listening to the music, making sure costume bits don't fall off... but if you can remember to tap into the reasons you love dancing in the first place and get in touch with your playful side, it can draw the audience in.

It was also interesting to read her account of interactions with other bellydancers in classes, workshops and her experience in a troupe that had many conflicts. The politics, gossip and competitive egotistical nature among some dancers is a less desirable side to this community. At first it can be difficult to find your circle of dance colleagues. Eventually you learn to weed out the pettiness from the truth and surround yourself with like-minded dancers.

She had a couple video and CD suggestions I wrote down - but know that this is not a reference book (though she does include some links in the back of the book). This is just one perspective of a woman's journey in personal transformation through bellydance.

I recommend it to dancers of all levels and even non-dancers curious to know more about the world of bellydance from one entertaining perspective.

openheartedness:: excerpt from @spiver's newsletter

2010-10-18T09:44:00.004-06:00

Susan Piver is an author I REALLY enjoy - her books, blog, newsletter, etc. feel less like a spiritual teacher lecturing and more like a friend providing extremely insightful advice.

Here is some info that spoke to me (especially the part about crying a lot - made me feel better about myself; that I'm simply open-hearted, not an emotional freak):

The 7 Signs of Openheartedness*

- You see the sadness. You cry a lot and it’s kind of OK.

- You see the humor. You laugh a lot. You know how and when to make others laugh without pissing them off, even when the matter at hand is quite serious.

- The sorrow of other people touches you. So does their joy.

- Inspiration knows how to find you and you are not a stranger to enthusiasm.

- You are polite to everyone yet are not a doormat.

- You feel what you feel without shame (“I suck”) or aggression (“I deserve to feel this”).

- You reek of genuine genuineness. (As opposed to the staged variety.)

*The number 7 is arbitrary--feel free to add to this list.

Opening your heart changes the world.

Simple Steps For Twitter Success - Newbies

2010-10-13T14:35:00.009-06:00

Want to market yourself, company, brand, products, services ______ (whatever) on Twitter and not sure how?

Keep hearing all this buzz about Twitter and don't get why you should care?

You should care because as far as I can tell, Twitter is insanely effective FREE advertising & networking which can lead to colleague relationships you never expected.

I've won give-a-ways on twitter, gotten web design advice, made friends, even interacted with celebrities. It's freakin awesome even if you're not using it for business.

However, if you don't understand how to jump into twitter... Set up an account and never use it, obviously it won't do you any good.

I suggest setting up your profile on the web but after that there are many apps for your phone to interface with Twitter (which can be more convenient for some than using the website). I like the free iPhone app Twitter offers for the most part.

Here are the simple steps to making Twitter work for you.

1. Sign up (for free) and pick your username - something that represents you or your brand. Be sure to give it a lot of thought because after you have built up followers it will be confusing for them if you change it.

2. Upload a picture and customize the design BEFORE building up who you follow & followers. No reason to put the cart before the horse... have a nice profile established first. There are many easy template programs that allow anyone to have a spiffy profile. That generic egg picture that shows up by default does nothing for your image. Even if you don't want your avatar to be YOU, it can be a logo or anything representing you.

3. Search for friends that are already on Twitter. You might be surprised!

4. Search for more to follow. The more you follow, the more interesting your twitter stream (or feed) will be. If you only follow 2 people, you're not going to get ANYTHING out of this. Use the twitter search on all the topics related to your interests, your business, etc. Most any large business, company, etc. has a twitter account (though not all know how to work it).
The more you follow, the more will follow you. (And if no one follows you, all this work will be for nothing.)

5. KEEP SEARCHING and refining who you follow. Look at who your friends follow and who esteemed colleagues follow. You can browse interest topics and sometimes Twitter even has some good suggestions for you.

6. INTERACT with who you follow - A LOT (as least as much as you post about your topics). Retweet posts that you like and others will be more likely to retweet your posts in the future.

If you are just spouting your ads, message, blog posts, feelings without ever responding to others, no one will want to follow you. When they read your tweets, all they will see is "STUFF ABOUT ME... ME ME ME ME ME! I don't care about you, read about ME!"

7. Learn the lingo... Here are some terms that should definitely be understood:

On Friday's, #FF (Follow Friday) is a good way to promote people you follow (and in turn, you will get promoted too). Follow Friday is like a great big twitter love-in.

Hashtags - The # symbol, called a hashtag, is used to mark keywords or topics in a Tweet.

DM - Direct Message (rather than go through @ replies, send a private message to someone).

@ - this symbol precedes a twitter username and turns it into a link to that person's profile. When you reply to someone on twitter, it's called an @ mention.

Favorites - any tweet you see that you like and want to reference later can be added to your favorites by clicking the "favorite" star on the tweet.

RT - Retweet - sharing someone else's tweet.

Trending Topics - topics being discussed most currently on twitter.

After you've been using it a while and feel comfortable with Twitter, check out all the MANY tools available that integrate with Twitter. (IF you're ready to learn and get more out of the experience).

You can also start organizing everyone you follow into lists (when you follow a lot like I do, lists are essential!)

And hey if you have any questions, I'm happy to answer them!

Happy Tweeting!

@niellemc

Belly Dance Practice On The Go

2010-10-05T09:39:00.016-06:00

Hey dancers - frustrated because your budget or time doesn't allow for belly dance class?

Do you spend countless hours behind a computer desk wishing you could be practicing dance instead? Well good news, you can practice isolations just about anywhere!

Sitting at your desk:

- alternating glute squeezes. This is pretty easy to do without anyone noticing (so long as your face isn't making a weird expression :) As you hopefully know, alternating squeezing each butt cheek is a great way to build up your shimmy strength (while also practicing muscle memory). First make sure you have the correct posture. Then focus the mind on right cheek, squeeze and then left. If you can only do it slowly that's just fine, it's still an effective exercise and eventually you'll easily speed up. For more info on glute squeezes see Shira's website.

- pelvic tuck, glute squeeze (both together). Make sure your posture is correct. Sit toward the back of your chair with both feet on the ground hip distance apart. Engage the lower abdominals and squeeze both buttock cheeks to tuck the pelvis. Pelvic tucks are routinely used in many movements in belly dance. Not only will you improve your range of motion but you'll be working a few different muscle groups at once.

- subtle upper body work. If you focus on making the movement small and precise, you can practice chest lifts, slides and circles. It's good practice on making your movements controlled and if someone happens to walk by, it kind of looks like you're just stretching in your chair :)

In the bathroom:

- belly rolls. OK this is bordering on the yucky & TMI but really it kills two birds with one stone. :-) (on the can)
Even if you can't do a full belly roll you can practice isolating upper abdominal muscles from the lower. Push out with upper while pulling in with the lower and vice versa. Or if that's too challenging just work the muscle groups individually. For more info on working up to a belly roll, again Shira's site has great advice.

In the car:

- upper body isolations. Now if you're a beginner and these take your brain power too far from concentrating on driving, I don't recommend trying it. But if you're starting to get these movements, it's a great time-saver (who cares how you look to the car next to you). You can easily practice chest lifts/drops, slides and circles - if you're advanced, chest figure-eights. But please if these impedes your driving, for the sake of all around you, don't do it. :) It's also good to practice the difference between pops and locks with chest isolations (locks - freezing the movement into the locked position, pops - letting the movement bounce a little).

While walking:

- small hip circles, omis, figure 8's or sassy walk. This is another good time to work on smaller, controlled movements (because let's face it, we don't want to look TOO silly while doing this).

In case you don't know the sassy walk, it's a movement I learned from Ava Fleming. When you take a step on the right leg, the right hip pushes forward and around (a half hip circle). Similarly when stepping on the left leg, the left hip pushes forward and around. This is a subtle movement so to the unknowing observer, you've just got a little hip and sass in your walk.
Figure 8's are a little trickier to try while walking but once you can, working on making the movement small and controlled (usually we learn the movements in a big way so the student can see it well but we want to be able to do them a variety of ways). Similarly with hip circles - when you practice them small and controlled, you'll notice your muscles engaging differently. Since omi's are usually a smaller, controlled interior hip circle, these are easier to practice in public. It's great practice for the bellydancer to incorporate isolations while walking. I have quite frequently moved through the grocery store in this way without anyone noticing (I think).

- belly flutters. Especially if you're wearing a loose top, you won't be noticed walking around practicing flutters. I find these to be very challenging to do without holding my breath, so the more practice the better. I've heard a teacher or two say to hold your breath but when I watch a lot of pros, they seem to be breathing just fine during the flutter. Here's a good tutorial on how to do a belly flutter.

If you are a dancer/teacher/performer and you can think of any other I've forgotten, please let me know in the comments.

Thanks and happy practicing :)

Messages of Hope

2010-09-30T10:37:00.002-06:00

Messages of Hope Poem #160:

Tempers flare, passions rise
In the heat of anger.
Healing wounds should be your goal
Whenever there is rancor.

There is no need for enmity,
No sense in feeling hate.
So patch up all your differences
Before it is too late.

For love’s a very precious thing,
The most treasured gift you’ve got.
And when you waste your time with hate
You wither on the spot.

Your time on earth is very short,
Oft measured just in hours.
So spend it exercising love--
The strongest of your powers.

Hate and fear will weigh you down,
But love it has no weight.
You’ll feel the lightness of the air
When you do banish hate.

So pack your bags.
The trip you’re on has many twists and turns.
But joyous is the journey
For he who this lesson learns:

Love’s the only thing that’s real.
It lies there at your core.
Your job’s to bring it to the light
And shine forever more.

By Suzanne Giesemann

(this means loving yourself too y'all!)
~hugs~

Glee Quote Generator

2010-09-27T07:47:00.000-06:00

now embedded code for your website! yay Gleeks :-)

The Force is With You

2010-09-21T13:25:00.019-06:00

I love it when my geekitude and spiritual study collide.

Last Sunday our message from Roger Teel was about empowered consciousness. I just about squeed out loud when he began to quote and draw comparisons from Empire Strikes Back. Luke can't wrap his mind around the possibility of using the force to move an entire craft from the bog. He has limited thinking which keeps him from achieving the power of that connection to the spiritual force.

[Using the Force, Yoda effortlessly frees the X-Wing from the bog]
Luke: I don't, I don't believe it.
Yoda: That is why you fail.

If you are open minded, you can see that The Force, Connection to Spirit, God's Power, The Source - whatever you want to CALL it; the BELIEF in those similar concepts are what gives it power. What you call something doesn't give it power. As Louise Hay says, "you don't get wet from saying the word 'water'."

I've seen a lot of reference to belief in various ways in our culture... (reminded of Firefly/Serenity quotes such as: Shepherd Book: "Why when I talk about belief, why do you always assume I'm talking about God?" and "I don't care what you believe in, just believe in it.") All the affirmations in the world aren't going to do you any good if you don't believe what you're saying. The emotional connection to our beliefs is very powerful.

I found this article in which spiritual teachers like Wayne Dyer and Carlos Castenada refer to "the force."

Carlos Castenada said there's an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans called "intent" and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is connected to it. You can call it spirit or soul or consciousness or universal mind or source. It is the invisible force that intends everything into the universe. It's everywhere. This source is always creating, it is kind, it is loving, it is peaceful. It is non-judgmental, and it excludes no one.

[. . . .] Whenever we are in harmony with that source from which we all emanated, which everything came from, we have the powers of the source (Interview of Dyer by Lisa Schneider, "The Force of the Universe is With You").

For those Christians thinking this is all a little too new-agey; this is similar to saying that God lives in our hearts and if we believe and connect to that power and let that be the guiding force in our lives, that enlightened consciousness can take us to unlimited possibilities (Philippians 4:13 (King James Version) "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.")

Buddhists and other spiritualities use meditation as a way to let the mind quiet and feel that connection to the source/force/God (again whatever you want to CALL it). The enlightenment, peace and joy that comes from that quiet yet powerful connection is fantastic. Feeling good = feeling God.

So really, the force is with all of us. The question is, do we believe and will we quiet the ego's negative thoughts to shift to that empowered consciousness?

What are the Jedi but spiritual warriors? I'm not saying we'll all be able to move objects telekinetically... but imagine that positive power on your side and all you may achieve. We might actually accomplish the things we are passionate about instead of listening to our negative thoughts.

Also, I don't believe the Dark Side really has cookies. When did you see Darth Vader eat? ;-)

where have all the heroines gone?

2010-09-17T10:14:00.019-06:00

I have always been drawn to any TV show or movie starring and revolving around Super Heroines. In my youth obviously I was captivated by the Wonder Woman TV show starring Lynda Carter. Many hours were spent spinning & fueling the imagination with our adventures together. My grandparents had audio records of the Wonder Woman comic that completely captivated me. I became entranced with the idea of a woman super hero who didn't have to rely on men; she could rescue herself as well as others.

I enjoyed The Bionic Woman as a child but not in the same way I looked up to a traditional Super Heroine (keeping with the league of many male characters). The 2007 Bionic Woman remake was enjoyable at first (especially because of kick-ass characters like Katee Sackhoff joining in). But repetitive story lines and uninteresting characters couldn't keep my attention (or apparently anyone else's).

I've done a lot of searching in TV & movies and probably watched most of what's out there to offer in terms of female super heroes (every version of Cat Woman, Wonder Woman, vampire fighter, etc). Though there are some in my queue to see still such as Birds of Prey & Witchblade, the options left to me are fairly cheesy and overly-sexualized, almost parodies of female heroes.

Doing a basic web search for 'super hero' versus 'super heroines' or 'women super heroes' finds drastically different results. Most all of what you see image and content-wise for the female search is practically all sexualized. Web results yield the top SEXIEST heroines and places to buy the lingerie-styled costumes.

Many search results after the sexy sites was this article discussing the anti-hero of the stories, the "non-extraordinary" half of the duo in superhero movies. So it basically details the perils (and hidden strengths) of the damsel in distress. NOT what I was looking for - I want the women who save the day (in the fun, fantasy sense, not the literal grassroots people of the U.S. That's another blog post).

I think the largest contributing factor is that historically comics were written predominantly by men, who were playing out their sexual fantasies through female super hero characters. I'm not bashing that, it's probably in large part thanks to that expression that female superheroes continued to endure.

Compelled to search on, I refined my search words and came across a complete list of Super Heroines. Though I don't consider that a really accurate list considering they list The Queen of Swords, which is from a tarot deck, not the heroine universe. The concept is generalized a bit much but at least it's a jumping off point to make some more discoveries.

I'm disappointed in you Hollywood movies. Where is Wonder Woman? Joss Whedon would have ROCKED that movie but you passed on it. Probably because it was variant on what the masses conceptualize. Perhaps she had too sharp a wit? (Obviously I still haven't gotten over that particular loss).

Women AND girls need super-heroines; not only in obscure comics but mainstream movies and TV. The strongest representation we've had in a while was Hit Girl, who completely dominated the whole "Kick-Ass" movie with ruthless, R-rated force. Yet she doesn't share billing with the star "Kick-Ass" even though he really needed Hit Girl to teach him the ropes.

The emerging feminine nerd collective is gaining strength. (just see who I follow on twitter :) There IS an audience for true super-heroines, despite what market research appears to show.

Essentially what we are teaching our little girls now (with the exception of Hit Girl) is that our abilities center around wielding the power of our sexuality and sexual prowess.

I think every female should create their own Super Heroine, just for kicks and a fun exercise. I've joked that Hips of Fury is my alter ego and in a sense she is. She's the best parts of myself combined into a form containing special abilities and powers. Plus she's a fascinating character and fun to write!

However, I hope the female geek collective (and awesome male geek collective too) are able to gang up enough on Hollywood to get a proper super-heroine movie made. My vote is @JaneEspenson to write an authentic heroine perspective - don't ya think?

Equality, kinda Now

2010-09-07T12:51:00.014-06:00

For the first time in my career I'm experiencing sexism. Considering this career period of time spans over a decade, that's pretty darn lucky and for that I'm grateful.

It's a very challenging position to be in, as I do not enjoy conflict and would have difficulty saying anything. I'm not going to divulge the details of the situation here as I don't feel it's professional (though extremely tempting to vent).

This is the first experience I've had with feeling consistently inadequate and insufficient at my job. I haven't helped the situation with my absences accrued during the worst time of my bi-polar depression before it was diagnosed. Everyone (myself included) began to question my effectiveness at my position.

However it's been months now of showing that I work hard, show up early and stay late if necessary and can do what is asked of me. Yet the situation remains the same. I have so much professional knowledge I'd like to contribute yet there is never opportunity. So I begin to feel like less of a professional and occasionally question my expertise in the field for which I was hired. That's fear doing the thinking; fear of judgement, failure, etc. But I digress.

This situation caused me to do a little feminism research because I realize my position could be SO MUCH worse. The women who first fought discrimination had such a harder trail to blaze.

Yet these stereotypes persist. People would rather talk to a man in IT than a woman in IT, at least in my current environment. Prior work experience at a university was a wonderful example of equality in gender treatment. The IT women I met there inspired me and taught me so much.

We are now in the third wave of feminism, in response to the backlash and failings of the 60s/70s feminist movement. There isn't one all-encompassing idea for this but rather an attempt to cohesively examine all the changes, complications and diversity.

Many women (sometimes myself included) don't want to refer to themselves as feminists because of the negative stereotype that term conjures up for many men. But all that really means is equality of genders; equal treatment between men and women. I don't want special privileges, I simply want to be as respected as my colleagues.

The reason for this post is to vent slightly and an attempt to get it out of my system and move on. Each moment has the potential to be better than the last and feeling offended and hurt is just going to perpetuate the problem.

Rather than feeling hostile and bitter, I choose to examine my approach and what I might do to command the respect tactfully. It helps to remember past employment to a time when I felt very valued; and critically examine my skills, how I might improve and where I have strengths. Sometimes it even takes an affirmation internally (corny as it may seem): "I am a knowledgeable, savvy, versatile woman with a myriad of skills to offer."

It also helps to remember the people who do stand up for equality and to support organizations such as Equality Now. This is Joss Whedon's charity of choice (those who read this blog should understand my Whedon obsession :) and his considerable fan-base participate yearly raising money for this charity.
In his famous Equality Now tribute he responds to the question he gets asked the most:

"So, why do you write these strong women characters?

Because equality is not a concept. It’s not something we should be striving for. It’s a necessity. Equality is like gravity, we need it to stand on this earth as men and women, and the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and women who’s confronted with it. We need equality, kinda now."

I'm working to examine my stereotypes and encouraging you to do the same. Not just about women but about EVERY group we label with certain terms or attitudes. Equality begins with the belief that we all have the same basic wants and needs in life and are deserving of having those needs met. We can't change others but we can change ourselves and work to understand the root of these conflicts.

"We often think the only way to create happiness is to try to control the outer circumstances of our lives, to try to fix what seems wrong or to get rid of everything that bothers us. But the real problem lies in our reaction to those circumstances. What we have to change is the mind and the way it experiences reality." ~Chagdud Rinpoche

I'm cookie dough, come back when I'm cookies

2010-09-02T10:48:00.008-06:00

"I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m- or enjoy warm, delicious, cookie me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done." ~Buffy, season 7

I told this analogy to my therapist recently (related to me & dating) and she loved it. She contributed that I'm in the ingredient-adding stage of re-creating myself. (cuz ya know the old batch wasn't too tasty from some ingredients I'd added over the years - MY words not hers.)

I've been asked recently if I'm dating anyone and the resounding answer is NO (or sometimes an even louder "hell no!"). So if you're reading this, don't bother asking about a love-life anytime soon :) I'm also thankful for the compliment of being asked out recently and hopeful the person did not take offense when I said no. I tried to explain but that whole it's-not-you-it's-me thing always sounds fake. Ultimately that person should be thanking me...

I'm doing what people SHOULD do after a long, toxic breakup (I'm looking at you, ex who dated before his divorce was final. Of course, who's the dummy who dated him?). I'm working on issues and getting myself right. I'm trying to understand why I kept making the decisions I did. Fear-based decisions, lusty choices, beer goggles and other reasons that have nothing to do with friendship or love. I know I go on and on about self improvement stuff but I want to emphasize that all of this is NOT easy (that's why most people skip over doing the work and skip right off to the love affair, myself included). It's really difficult to face your demons - the worst parts of yourself that inevitably surface in a relationship - but ultimately having the courage to do this is so rewarding.

Because in the end, I'll make wiser decisions (the absence of alcohol will contribute a lot to that too) get hurt less, and generally eliminate a lot of unnecessary drama. I've been indulging in cookie dough myself, instead of looking for the cookies. OK, the eating metaphor is kind of getting off topic and slightly disturbing but hopefully you know what I mean.

It's only taken 36 years to develop this patience with the process, the advice I never took is finally sinking in.

And let's face it, cookie dough is tasty but not really that great for you... ;-)

Icon-based design and blog issues

2010-08-23T08:10:00.007-06:00

I've decided to stop posting at my technology blog and use this one for all topics. I don't understand why there is such a huge wordpress following in the designer community. I find their interface quite buggy and dysfunctional. I'm unable to modify in html mode and the GUI interface doesn't work right currently. Perhaps it's a Firefox issue but if Wordpress is meant to be used in IE, that's a sure-fire way to ensure I'll never use it.

So back to the subject of the post I was going to publish to that blog before I experienced a multitude of issues...

I came across this website through Design Meltdown. The emphasis was on icon-based design examples and I think it's a nice trend. I'm a very visually oriented person and there are lots of free & lovely icon sets out there for download.

This site in particular I think has a nice, clean, yet visually intuitive/friendly design:

http://danwiersema.com/

I have a couple new website projects upcoming and I'd really like to give this approach a try!

the singin & dancin fool is back

2010-08-20T13:14:00.006-06:00

Barring any more medication issues or injuries (STILL recovering from my fall at Red Rocks)... I am super excited to enter into the NEXT phase of life with more bellydancing and singing! Always for fun, never about profit for me with those two passions and perhaps that's why I was never able to make a good living with either. Some things are too precious to me to try to rely on for income and as soon as I try to, the fun is sucked out of the activity.

On the dancey side, my Veil, Zills & Shimmies workshop is a week from this Sunday in Golden, CO. 10 people have RSVP'd yes and I'm very excited to share my love of middle eastern dance with several who are brand new to this style. I'm really gonna work hard to ensure they learn a ton without feeling too overwhelmed - because it's all about fun, feminine exercise after all and a communal spirit of sisterhood (really! :)

On the songbird side, the church I recently started attending is having try-outs for their choir on Sunday! Considering I started singing solos in front of large congregations at a very young age and spent 7+ years in advanced choirs, I'm sort of going on faith I'll get in. ;-) I really miss harmonizing with a musical group, ESPECIALLY if they don't just let anyone in (no offense but tone-deaf people, choir is not the place for you). I was in a community choir in Tempe that was open to anyone and after trying for a year I gave it up... yes I'm a music snob sometimes. Call me crazy - I like being in tune. But what I miss the most is just singing - it's such a wonderful, expressive thing for me that has come naturally my whole life... and I've been feeling the absence of that joy.

It's one thing to go to karaoke or play around on my piano at home (new videos on youtube btw, not that I'm happy with them :P ) - but quite another to experience powerful music with a large, well-harmonized group. I especially crave that around the holidays.

So just thought I'd share that excitement since many of my posts lately have been of the angsty / complainy / depressiony variety :) yay good news!

Have a fantastic weekend friends (((hugs)))

the lucky 10%

2010-08-20T08:41:00.009-06:00

You know all that fine print in the info about your prescriptions? Do you ever read that stuff? I never paid much attention to all the various possible side effects, until realizing I was one of those 10% they say experience problems. Lucky me - I am so sensitive that going on or off a medication can literally make a week hell. Specifically I'm talking about effexor here, which most doctors love to prescribe as an anti-depressant because it's dual-acting and usually very successful. It wasn't for me and going OFF this medication literally disrupted a week of work because of all the various side effects I had. Come to find out, these problems are not as common as I thought they were and the majority of people have no trouble going off this prescription.

I should have caught on several years ago when I was an egg donor for my half sister in NY... everyone said the procedure was no big deal (in fact my sister had it done a few times and it was an easy process for her - egg retrieval). Well, my body didn't think it wasn't a big deal... in fact my body was PISSED. (How dare you take my eggs! I might need them! :P ?) We're talking about weeks of insane cramping, severe bloating (had to buy maternity clothes), difficulty eating and well, I won't even go into the detail about the side effects of injecting yourself with hormones 2x a day, in the belly, for a month.

So now that I've had the week of drug withdrawal hell (way to make me feel like a junkie effexor), I'm looking over the side effects again...

In clinical studies, the most common side effects with EFFEXOR XR (reported in at least 10% of patients and at least twice as often as with placebo) were constipation, dizziness, dry mouth, insomnia, loss of appetite, nausea, nervousness, sexual side effects, sleepiness, sweating, and weakness.

Wait wait - you forgot how it feels like someone removed your brains, scrambled them well and put them back in the wrong places... and also I might mention the perpetual "brain-freeze" effect and non-stop migraines that came from having my heart race like an insane mad-woman for days. Then there's the inability to focus or concentrate, the insane-I-may-black-out dizziness, light-headedness, sensitivity to every single sound and the worst bout-of irritability EVER experienced (making normal PMS look like Mary Poppins).

Just remember doctors, for that 10%, these side effects are very real and problematic, so perhaps we can have a little more sensitivity toward the already-sensitive (I'm looking at you primary care doc who had no problem letting me go for days off this medication). If you have a doctor prescribing willy nilly who isn't taking care in moderating your vitals, be concerned... and get another doctor.

Rant over - thanks!

The Jerk Card

2010-08-16T10:01:00.004-06:00

I love my therapist - she has awesome suggestions all the time for practical ways to deal with issues in your life. I think everyone should have therapy at some point in their life to examine issues that have been problematic and also to have an un-biased confidant with resources to help you.

If you're like me, you want to see the good in people and you often do this to your own detriment. Missing an ex we were surely in love with is a great example... quite often we romanticize the good parts of a lost relationship instead of accurately remembering the good and the bad. I also have a tendency to romanticize people as being "better" for me than they actually are. Often it's very difficult to let go of someone you have attached to if you're incorrectly remembering the past.

This is where the 'jerk card' comes in. Now I'd say on the whole usually people need reminders about the good in each other but it's the opposite for me. Someone has been a jerk to me, I usually forgive & forget without analyzing, leaving that possibility open to be hurt by the jerk again.

If this happens to you too, make a card listing all of the negative & damaging personality traits of this person & title it "(name of person) is a Jerk." Keep this card with you in your purse or wallet where you can easily access it. Examples: manipulative, breaks promises, doesn't listen, emotional con artist, overly narcissistic, not trustworthy, etc... You might realize after listing all the negative traits that someone you considered a friend, in reality is NOTHING like a friend should be.

Now at some point (after all the good & bad aspects of this person are weighed accurately in your mind) you'll need to move past the pain of what this person did you, make peace with it, resolve it won't happen again and toss the card. Because there's no point in continually re-living the hurt and picking at that wound.

But to get to that point, this can be a helpful technique of self-protection.

whew! IT training that doesn't hurt your brain.

2010-08-09T16:45:00.003-06:00

Started training today on Knowledge Accelerator for Business Objects. I had no clue what that even meant...

Basically it's designing courses, simulations and evaluations to train people on whatever topic is needed.

For instance if I wanted a training module on how to upload and publish a document in our Intranet, I could make a simulation, course, reference documents, etc. all fairly easily.

I'm so grateful it's an intuitive GUI-based program... For a while I thought we would be programming from scratch.

However, I'll be off my usual social media sites all week so things will be quiet from me (can hear Colleen heave a sigh of relief as her phone takes a much needed break from being blown up by my daily tweets). :)

And hey, more resume padding... shiny.

A community of support

2010-08-04T13:16:00.003-06:00

Since my last post on depression, a lot has happened. Several people have emailed me about their personal struggles with the illness and said how much they support and appreciate that I'm discussing it openly. It's added a whole new level onto our support systems because now we have more people to turn to who really understand what we're going through.

I'm also excited to report that after chatting with a writer on twitter, she wants to interview me for an article on depression in Esperanza magazine. It's exciting to know that speaking up about what you're struggling with in life can really lead to positive actions. It's also wonderful to find this publication and their depression resources.

It was difficult at first to admit to people who didn't know that I've been struggling with this very heavily - but now it's freeing and healing.

For those of you who are lucky enough not to understand clinical depression, I hope you take the time to read some of the things I share to get a better understanding of what so many people battle daily and the issues that come with that.

Thanks for everyone who reads this blog :)

Depression ISN'T...

2010-08-03T10:46:00.012-06:00

Now that I have more or less "come out" with my struggles in depression, I've done a lot of reading and am STILL coming across so many taboos and mis-understanding about depression. Reading comments from "normal" people on articles about depression is very frustrating. Everyone is entitled to their opinion of course, but I'm here to tell you that depression is STILL taboo (especially in work situations) and it's not something you can just snap out of by being positive. It IS usually triggered by some sort of heartbreak or tragedy but the ability to heal from it is enormously hindered by chemical imbalances in the brain.

Depression isn't just bad moods and occasional melancholy. It's not just feeling down or sad, either... Even when major disappointments and setbacks make people feel sad and angry, the negative feelings usually lessen with time.

But when a depressive state, or mood, lingers for a long time — weeks, months, or even longer — and limits a person's ability to function normally, it can be diagnosed as depression.

Major depression is a serious condition characterized by a persistent sad mood, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, and the inability to feel pleasure or happiness. Major depression typically interferes with day-to-day functioning like eating and sleeping.

Depression isn't anything to do with feeling sorry for yourself. Many sufferers don't feel sorry for themselves at all, and in fact feel (on top of everything else) TERRIBLE GUILT for experiencing the depression they do, given their decent life circumstances. If anything, some of them probably would feel a bit better if they gave themselves a break once in a while. Many sufferers are much, much too hard on themselves.

Clinical depression is not a sign of personal weakness, or a condition that can be willed away. Clinically depressed people cannot "pull themselves together" and get better. In fact, clinical depression often interferes with a person's ability or wish to get help. Clinical depression is a serious illness that lasts for weeks, months and sometimes years. It may even influence someone to contemplate or attempt suicide.

Feeling sad and depressed is often a normal reaction to a stressful life situation. For example, it is normal to feel down after a major disappointment, or to have trouble sleeping or eating after a difficult relationship break-up. Usually, within a few days, perhaps after talking to a friend, we start to feel like ourselves again.

Clinical depression is very different. It involves a noticeable change in functioning that persists for two weeks or longer. Imagine that for the last three months you've slept more than 10 hours a day and still feel tired, you have stomach problems, you're unable to cope with life, and you wonder if dying would solve all your problems. Or, imagine not being able to sleep more than four hours a night, not wanting to spend time with family or friends, and constantly feeling irritable. And when friends try to reach out to you, you get even more upset and bothered. You lose perspective, and you don't realize that what you're experiencing is abnormal. You want to just "wait it out," and you don't get help because you think it's weak to ask for help or you don't want to burden your friends.

I'm writing this in attempt for other people to understand - if you know someone with clinical depression and really want to be supportive of them, possibly the worst thing you could say is "snap out of it." That might just push someone struggling over the edge.

The appearance I put on to the public is the exact opposite of what is happening in my brain every day. People say, "you don't seem depressed"... well that's because I hide in my cave during the times I cannot cope, so you wouldn't see it. People who require medication would never choose to live this way. "Fake it till you make it" is something clinically depressed people do every day (except for those very occasional "normal" days). It is a daily battle and hard work to maintain a life of normalcy, including therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, diet changes, etc...

I am not diminishing regular life depression in the midst of terrible situations - I'm trying to promote understanding about the differences between that and mental illness. When I talk about depression in my tweets & blog, I am referring to the mental illness. Big Difference. However similar strategies can be used for all types of depression; such as positive affirmations, changing your thoughts, and are SO helpful - they just are not usually enough for the clinically depressed.

Sources: http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/?ic=1102

http://uhs.berkeley.edu/lookforthesigns/clinicaldepression.shtml

Comic-Con Perspective From a True Geek Girl #SDCC

2010-07-30T13:12:00.016-06:00

I pestered my friend Bree to write about her experience at Comic Con for those of us who weren't able to go. I KNEW her perspective would be entertaining and was I ever right. Enjoy this Comic Con 2010 report from an authentic geek girl!

Guest post by Bryony Mackey

"Lately I’ve seen a few articles aimed at women regarding SDCC. Let me just say, condescending does not even begin to cover them. It’s more than a little sad that in the year 2010 many people still swing that wide brush which paints any girls at a comic/sci-fi convention as just tagging along with a guy. It reminds me of when I showed up to an employee’s desk to fix a computer issue one time. He said ‘Oh, er, um…Are you like the ‘unofficial’ IT person? All the guys are busy right now?’ I was so taken aback all I could say at first was ‘Are you serious?’ (which was 100% more profanity-free and less violent than what ran through my head) Oh yes, he was completely serious. People really are taken aback when they discover I read comic books, wanted a Death Star cake at my wedding, and that I prefer technology to people. So when I was asked to do a write-up on my time at Comic Con, I thought that maybe, just maybe I can convince at least one person that the mythical geek girl does exist. And doesn’t always dwell in her parent’s basement.

This was my second year at SDCC. Due to traumatic events post SDCC 2009 and other assorted factors I only purchased a Friday pass this year. Which let me tell you, one day will exhaust the frak out of you. I guarantee it!

One thing I stress to anyone going to a con, regardless if it’s Comic Con in San Diego, Dragon*Con in Atlanta, or Starfest in Denver, is do some planning! Plan, plan, plan! I had poured over the schedule as soon as it was released, deciding which panels I absolutely had to see. I entered all of the pertinent information into my trusty Google Calendar and ensured it was sync’d with my trusty Blackberry so I would know where I was every step of the way. I also toyed with the idea of dressing up for it. My husband had helped me build a truly shiny Dark Helmet costume for Halloween last year (Slave Leia's EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT!). But then I remembered how hot the costume was, how hot Comic Con was, and how hard it was to see in that frakking helmet. So civvies it was.

Lucky enough for me, all of my ‘must see’ panels were being held in Ballroom 20, one of the largest rooms at the San Diego Convention Center. I knew from my experience in 2009 what to expect line-wise. Therefore I was not surprised when after registration I rushed to join a mob that was behind the mob that was waiting behind the line to get in line for Ballroom 20. Basically there’s a large terrace/balcony where they set up snaky chains to maximize the line. (I have the worst skills in judging distance, but I’m pretty sure if you straightened out the snakies in that line it would be about 232 miles long.) So my mob and I are all waiting to get outside and get in snakyline 2010, when rumors start flying about the fire marshal being on his way, and how they’re going to kick us all out of that area! At one point a dude who looked reasonably in charge said he was going to take our mob around to another line location where we’d be in a real line to get into snakyline. About half the mob and I follow reasonably-in-charge-looking-man until he takes us down the escalator. The line to get in line is downstairs? Pretty sure he’s full of Sith-spit. So I bail on the half-mob, take a quick tour through the vendor floor and make my way back up to Ballroom 20.

There is a new mob! And now the Fire Marshal really *is* there and they’re all trying to figure out what to do. So I think someone had some sort of epiphany and they just open the doors and let us all go get into snakyline 2010. WEIRD!! The moral of that story is... probably that you should just stay put, wait it out, and good things happen.

The first panel that morning was for Stargate Universe. I’ve always loved the Stargate movie, but confess I never really got into the shows. I knew a lot of Stargate SG-1 groups that made the con circuit in Denver. Nice people. Needless to say the panel did pique my interest and SGU is now on my ‘to watch’ list. Ming Na was very personable.

Moved up a few more rows, WHOO!

Next up was Caprica. I loved-loved-loved-loved Battlestar Galactica in a completely unhealthy fashion, so I was a bit apprehensive when I heard plans for a prequel named Caprica. Luckily, Caprica delivers. It’s dramatic and gritty and intense and oh-so-different from BSG, being set 58 years in the past. The Caprica panel featured Alessandra Torresani (Zoe Graystone), Sasha Roiz (Sam Adama), Ronald D. Moore (co-creator/executive producer), David Eick (executive producer), Magda Apanowicz (Lacy Rand) and was moderated by Geoff Boucher of the Los Angeles Times. The cast had a fairly good rapport with one another which is always nice to see. My favorite parts of this panel had to be listening to Ron Moore speak. He’s an infinitely fascinating man and he and David Eick seem to have a very comfortable relationship, which I think translates into a great show.

After Caprica I managed to move about 15 rows forward, WHOO!

The Big Bang Theory was next, and it seemed that most people had sat through the first two panels just for this. (No one was stabbed for it, luckily) Con workers were making some adjustments on stage as they do, when we noticed there were instruments being tuned on stage. Instruments? I’m pretty sure Johnny Galecki really does play some large stringed instrument (Shockingly I was not a music major) but there was a…accordion? So my row-mates and I started to extrapolate on what that could possibly mean! AN ACCORDION? THAT’S CRAZY! A few moments later some paper came down the rows and we found ourselves looking at lyrics to TBBT’s theme song! Yay, a sing-along! Wil Wheaton comes onstage and informs us that we will be having a sing-along…with THE BARENAKED LADIES!!! The crowd goes totally nuts. That was a really nice treat to give the fans, and they sounded fantastic!! This panel had Chuck Lorre (Creator/producer) and Bill Prady (Creator/producer), as well as series stars Johnny Galecki (Leonard), Jim Parsons (Sheldon), Kaley Cuoco (Penny), Simon Helberg (Howard), and Kunal Nayyar (Raj). The best parts of this panel had to be Chuck Lorre busting Wil Wheaton’s chops. Chuck is a funny, funny man. Another one is Simon Helberg who cracked joke after joke - he’s completely hysterical. It is always a bit disappointing when you realize that the actors are not even close to being geeks themselves, but such is life.

I moved up a couple more rows, YAY!

After Big Bang was the Bones panel. I actually sat through that panel in 2009 while waiting for Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse panel. I remember being really surprised that Bones had a panel at SDCC. I watch it occasionally and enjoy it, but don’t really keep up with it. Hart Hanson (creator/producer), David Boreanaz (Seeley Booth), and Emily Deschanel (Temperance Brennan) were all on hand for this panel which was moderated by some TV Guide Bones fan guy who moderated last year. I found him annoyingly smiley. Kathy Reichs, the author of the Bones books was a surprise guest, and everyone who attended got a copy of her new book, 206 Bones. (Haven’t read it yet.) This panel was alright. I got the distinct feeling that David and Emily do not particularly like each other. They were smiling and ‘joking’ but it was almost as if they were trying to annoy each other. The way I imagine newscasters who hate each other act.

I moved up to the FRONT ROW!!!! But no yay, because I was on the complete right-hand side. Bad move on my part. *Sadface*

So now, the panel I was waiting for…The Joss Whedon Experience!! I love Joss. I love anything that man has his hands in. Astonishing X-Men is my favorite comic series. I read the Buffy, Runaway Kids, Angel and Fray comics. I love all of his shows and it really is awesome to hear him talk. Unfortunately people tend to *always* ask him the same questions, it seems. “Why do you like strong female characters?” etc. But I try not to let that bother me. About halfway through, I noticed some people walk out from behind stage (remember, I’m on the faaaaaaaaaar right, by the wall and the stage entrance. And with one guy I thought to myself ‘Nice disguise, dude’ The guy was wearing a white (golf?) hat, a big black mustache and sunglasses. Well I forgot about him until someone went up to the mic and asked ‘Who’s your favorite actor?’ Joss didn’t even hesitate and said ‘Nathan Fillion’. The crowd went nuts, and Joss says ‘No, you don’t understand *points at the guy on the mic* it’s Nathan Fillion.’ It was indeed Nathan out there which was awesome and a lot of fun.

I really very much wanted to stay for the Entertainment Weekly: Girls Who Kick Ass: A New Generation of Heroines because it was so up my alley. There’s nothing I absolutely love quite as much as when women are not portrayed as stereotypical ‘women’. However I knew I had shopping to do, and the vendor floor is entirely unforgiving and HUGE. Also I had been sitting in that Ballroom for about 6 hours and some people at SDCC have that, er…questionable hygiene issue. And someone was farting. You know who you are, and I’m here to inform you there’s a special place in hell for you. Along with people who talk at the theater.****** (Or bring babies to Comic Con. Yes, there are people who seriously brought babies.)

So I decided to make my way down to the vendor floor to check out all the goodies. Now it seemed that many booths were in the exact same place as last year. I know a few of them moved, but for the most part a lot of the displays were the same which was mildly disappointing. Hasbro seemed to have a larger presence and brought a real-pony-sized My Little Pony (it was huge awesomeness), as well as a gynormous statue of He-Man! Which I totally squealed at because I loved He-Man and She-Ra. I think that’s where most of my kick-assedness comes from. She-Ra kicked tons!! My little-girl memories show me a woman who carried a blade and beat people up. My hero.

One exciting point on the floor was was when I saw Misha Collins (Castiel from Supernatural) being interviewed on the second floor of the WB booth. We made eye contact, totally had a moment. (Not really.) He's totally adorable in real life, and a very tiny man.

I made my purchases of a Darth Vader belt (a belt with him on it, not like *his* belt with all the buttons. I already have *that* belt), a Rebel Alliance (actually it's the Alliance to Restore the Republic) symbol buckle, an angry grizzly shirt from artist Ben Walker (highly recommend his stuff if you share my sense of humor. There may not be much that’s awesomer than a bear with guns.), a super soft Star Wars T from Her Universe (amazing shirt!), my 4-day Comic Con pass for next year, and finally a skull and crossbones from my favorite Goth booth there. After that I was feeling pretty exhausted and crowd-weary, so I made my way to Jolt’n’Joes for the GeekGirls Tweet-up.

The Tweet-Up was a lot of fun, I met a lot of Twitter friends there which was very cool. Grant and Kari from Mythbusters showed up and were both super nice people, very gracious to everyone. However, it was incredibly hard to get a friggin’ beer in that joint, which sucked.

Finally, loaded down with my loot, I made my way to the Santa Fe Train Depot where I apparently missed the train back to Cardiff, despite arriving 10 minutes before its scheduled departure time. I had to call my non-geeky husband to come pick me up before I had to trade my Star Wars shirt to a hobo for sidewalk space.

I already can’t wait for next year’s SDCC, and in case you're still wondering what it’s all about...

Most of us are not surrounded at all times by people who share our geeky passions. My husband good-naturedly tolerates mine, and finds my obsession with most of it endearing, rather than frightening. I generally tend to scare people when they find out I have a Lord of the Rings tattoo, or that I know Hermione's birthday and read Star Wars books. Comic Con may be noisy, it may be crowded, and some people are smelly. But it’s a place where we’re not weird. A place you may catch snatches of a conversation being held in Klingon, and it’s not considered out of the ordinary. A place where I could wear my ‘Hentai Inside’ shirt and people laugh then tell me ‘Nice shirt’ instead of ‘Huh?’ Because at Comic Con, you are hanging with 125,000 people who get it. And surprisingly, a lot of us are girls.

Oh, because I’m sure you’re all wondering. I did not win the battle to have a Death Star cake at my wedding. Though husband and I compromised and I made a custom cake-topper with R2-D2’s (they lit up and had sound-effects!): Padme and Anakin."

Bryony (Brian-ee) Mackey is a former champion bullrider and NCAA All-American swimmer with her Bachelor's in Business Management and Equine Management. She's a self-taught programmer and all-around IT girl who fell into her position as a web developer and HTML programmer for a financial services company quite by accident. She shares a home in Arizona with her husband, her iMac named Avery, her trusty Blackberry, and her unhealthy obsessions with all things Joss Whedon, Battlestar Galactica, Harry Potter, Star Wars, and Spaceballs. In her spare time she reads as many books as she can, knits, crochets, fishes and shoots her compound bow. Follow her on Twitter: @BKQuinn

theraputic tools to deal with stress

2010-07-23T12:47:00.018-06:00

Yesterday I learned how to breathe. Sounds stupid right? Well regulating your breathing can apparently make a huge a difference in stress levels, headaches, etc. Most of you are probably saying (well DUH) but this may be a small breakthrough if I practice these techniques I'm learning about with consistency. If all the migraines and other physical manifestations of stress lessen, that's also going to decrease the likeliness of a depressive episode.

When the body starts to hyperventilate (many people experience this with panic attacks, anxiety, stress, etc) your brain thinks it needs more oxygen and hogs the all the blood that's being taken away from other places like our capillaries in the fingers and toes (why people experience numbness, dizziness, nausea, etc).

I've only hyperventilated once that I remember but irregular breathing can certainly create the beginning of a bad headache. Sometimes I catch myself holding my breath when I'm concentrating at work, or when I'm mad. Every once in a while I try to remind myself to come back to my breath, like in meditation and notice how fast my normal breathing rate is. (I am also on medication for high blood pressure). Most of us take shallow, quick breaths instead of slow, deep diaphragmatic breathing.

Whenever I find myself now feeling overwhelmed or very anxious, here is my task:
(preferably lying down comfortably but seated if necessary)

~ place the hands on the upper abdominals and visualize a balloon of a soothing color expanding and contracting while breathing only THROUGH YOUR NOSE. Relax the shoulders... if they are moving up and down when you breathe then it's not right... breathe like a singer, from the diaphragm.

~ for both the breath going in and going out, make sure they are at least 3-steady counts each... in (one, one thousand, two, three) and out 3 counts.

~ repeat 15 times or longer if necessary

~ do this in the first moments of waking in the morning, mid-day and right before going to sleep (it's actually very helpful when trying to go to sleep).

In my reading, I've come across some helpful articles about stress and how really it's internalized and rarely something happening TO us... we create it with our thoughts. Changing thought patterns is really difficult when you've had 36 years of practice (or however old YOU may be :)

I work hard to make sure that I treat others with compassion and love but have realized that I don't treat myself very well (in terms of my thoughts and the war being waged in my head). I would NEVER criticize anyone as much as I criticize myself internally... why aren't I my own best friend? (hmm Spaceballs reference tempting there).

I read somewhere to put an elastic band around your wrist to snap when you notice yourself having a negative thought. But I like my method better. I'm wearing a peace/joy/love bracelet that a dear friend gave me and when I notice a destructive thought pattern, I shift my focus to that bracelet, read the message and remember to go easier on myself. Treat MYSELF the way I treat others! If it takes a few minutes for that to really sink in, I switch the bracelet to the other hand. I'm not used to wearing bracelets so it's a good reminder for now.

Already I feel like I have made huge strides through multiple techniques; yoga, meditation (thanks Mark for the singing bowl!), finding a nearby spiritual center I like, eating better and hopefully now breathing and thinking more mindfully. This post is for coming back to on the bad days... and if anyone else out there goes through anything similar, I'd love to hear your techniques for de-stressing.

Some more de-stressers I like: bellydance, bubble baths, singing & playing piano and can I just say yoga yoga yoga!

"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge."

- Tuli Kupferberg

dream experimentation

2010-07-21T13:03:00.004-06:00

with all the talk around the movie Inception right now (which I hope to try to see very soon), I came across this HuffPost about sleep facts.

I dream very vividly a lot of the time and one dream in particular was the catalyst to start writing a story that I'm about 12 chapters into. But I've hit a plateau with the writing even though I have the basic plot points outlined for the rest of it. Another creative dream could really be inspiring and motivating. So when I read this article, particularly this point below, it got me thinking I might try some experimentation:

What can you do with your dreams?
Plenty -- you can pre-dream. Try this:

1. Write down an old, favorite dream or experience in three to four sentences.

2. Add two sentences that remake that dream's plot you the way you want.

3. Visualize the new dream three to four times a day a minute each time.

4. When you wake, record your dreams.

I find it fascinating how my old dreams have morphed into new dreams with the new experiences and information I've accumulated. Have you ever woken in the morning fresh from a dream that's an amalgamation of very old and very new experiences to form a giant WTF question mark over your head?

The brain is a fascinating thing - and who knows, maybe I can get it to work for me while I'm sleeping... ;-)

Do you dream? Ever tried lucid dreaming or other dream experiments?

bellydance workshop Aug. 29, Golden, CO

2010-07-13T12:07:00.007-06:00

Zills, Veil and Shimmies

Hey everybody! Sure hope you can make my all level bellydance workshop being held at Studio 21 in Golden, CO on August 29 - 3:00 - 5:00 PM.

This workshop will focus on zill (finger cymbal) rhythms, veil work, shimmies and more. For people with bellydance experience I'll add layers on for you to challenge you.

If you happen to have a large piece of fabric that could pass for a veil or a veil please bring it, if not don't worry I have some extra veils.

I don't have any extra zills but you can still learn from listening and I'm happy to pass mine around. I will describe the various rhythms, demonstrate & we'll work through a few rhythmic exercises and you'll have handouts describing everything we've learned.

Zill rhythms are essential to know for the bellydancer, so even if you're not ready to add a zill rhythm to existing dance movements, understanding them will help the middle eastern music to really get into your blood! It is DIFFICULT and takes practice (it's basically playing an instrument while other body parts are shimmying or undulating at a different rhythm). We won't spend too long on zills but I want to give a very basic understanding & background.

We will also learn about all the different types of shimmies and learn exercises that isolate every part of our bodies so we can do those shimmies better :-)
This is the part that will get us sweating!
I'll make sure we have at least 30 min of bellydance workout so you get a little bit of everything.

If you'd like to RSVP via Facebook, here is the link (send me a friend request if you need to but message me and let me know why a total stranger is requesting my friendship :).

If you would like to know more about my dance history, please visit my bellydance website.

Please comment here to introduce yourself if we haven't met yet.

Hope to see you there and happy shimmying!

~Nielle

the glad game instead of wargames

2010-07-01T13:15:00.015-06:00

Have you ever seen the movie Pollyanna? She plays a little game sometimes, The Glad Game, to shift away from negativity in her life.

I was going to write about pain - about relationships and my struggle with depression fresh off another failed attempt at dating... because the last few days have been really difficult and I thought maybe writing about it would help. But it just made me feel worse. Writing about those dark feelings seems to reinforce them for me and not in the cool, creative, I-wrote-an-awesome-poetic-song-about-it kind of way.

Part the problem I have in all relationships, romantic or otherwise, is keeping my plans and commitments due to migraines or other health issues. People take this as a personal insult and as a result I feel worse and our relationship takes a hit. The really good friends understand and move past it.

I also realized that as someone with depression (yes I'm on meds... played the medication game for years), each day is a battle in my head between good and evil thoughts. Some days (very few) are easy, simple and normal. Some days are harder but it's easy to fake it until I feel better. Then there are the days where it's constant back and forth and it's like I can literally feel the war in my head. And I'm convinced this is yet another powerful source of migraines. And well we won't even talk about the "other" days... I don't want to get into a migraine post here - that's another topic and believe me I've been working through it for years and doing my research.

How to still and calm these warring thoughts? Other than prayer, yoga, meditation and healthy things like plenty of exercise, eating right, enough sleep, etc., I need to do everything possible (and inexpensive) to win this battle.

And the best way I can think of on top of those aforementioned things is to keep remembering the aspects of life I have to be grateful for. So I am working on my list here and playing the Glad Game today. Do you have any you would like to add?

1. Family - Mom, Dad, Jane, Mac, Kate, Grandparents, adopted siblings, cousins, extended family... I am truly blessed and should never ever take this for granted.

2. Friends - the family you choose. I'm talking about the friend you can call at 3am because you are in distress and this person won't hate you for disrupting their sleep cycle because they know you would do the same for them.

3. Home & Employment - While I am struggling a lot financially and with issues in the workplace, I still need to remember all the people out there who can't find a job and who don't have a home. I'm lucky enough to have a cushy, non-manual labor job and live in a place of my own in a beautiful state that I love.

4. Cuddly critters - For me, animals are extremely therapeutic. Sometimes my cat can really sense when I need a cuddle (of course cats can be somewhat fickle :)
I don't have my own dog but I pet-sit as much as possible and this weekend I'll be spending time with my dad's dogs while he's out of town... dogs love you no matter what <3

5. Activities to look forward to - concert ticket to Michael Franti at Red Rocks! Time with friends at museums, going to movies, chatting about our show and movie obsessions with friends, beautiful Colorado summer possibilities... It really helps me to have a lot of possibilities on the calendar and I'm blessed to be able to share activities with so many fun and vibrant people.

(we just had a power outage so I'm gonna post this before anything else happens!) and add to this again another day :)

blessings~

more on transforming negativity

2010-06-24T07:50:00.002-06:00

this comes directly from Lama Surya Das' newsletter:

How to Find Joy and Overcome the Negative Brain

There’s a great deal of significant new neorioscience research about meditation and it’s effects on the brain, beuroplasticity, our happiness and well being, led by pioneers including Dr Herbert Benson of Harvard Medical School and Dr Richard Davidson of U. of Wisconsin, etc.

My Buddhist friend in Oregon, Donald Altman, known as “America’s Mindfulness Coach”, has a new blog. He writes: “I am always in awe at the human brain (any brain, for that matter—cat, dog, bird, fish, etc.). Human brains in particular are exceedingly complex. Imagine 100 billion neurons with more connections than there all the known stars in the universe. There’s almost nothing it’s not capable of…well, maybe one thing. Ignoring negativity is hard for us. Negative events are like Velcro to the brain!

Is there someone at work who annoys you—and you know you’ll remember it until the day you die? Do you still recall the nasty and insensitive comment your sister (brother, parent, friend, fill-in-the blank) made back in 1993? Don’t feel bad—your brain is wired that way!

Your brain has what is called “a negativity bias” which means that its survival programming constantly scans for anything that might go wrong. And when it does, the brain remembers this so it can avoid it next time. Of course, you can’t always avoid your boss who may be under stress herself or distressing daily news.

Here are 3 strategies for rewiring your natural inclination for glomming onto doom and gloom

1) Take five slow, deeper than normal breathes. Notice how good this feels! These will shift your focus and turn on the body’s relaxation system.

2) Remember a time when you were feeling joyful and happy. This can be a time when you were with a friend, a pet, or any other situation where you felt positive. Recall all the details about that event, letting yourself completely soak it in.

3) Call someone who makes you laugh or feel good. Meet them for a cup of coffee and make this good time last. Look for times like this throughout the day where you can find and share enjoyment with others.”

I like that. Pass it on.

now what?

2010-06-23T16:40:00.003-06:00

have you ever felt like you're at the precipice of another part of your life, only you don't know where you're headed?

I'm standing, a bit lost at the moment...

the career I worked so hard for, perhaps isn't for me after all.

so now what?

I search, I pray, I continue to get up day after day... I just don't know.

I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew what to do...

so in the meantime, Farscape anyone?

natural ways to transform toxic thoughts

2010-06-18T09:54:00.002-06:00

Some of these ideas come courtesy of beliefnet.com...

Let's face it, we all have down days. But some of us have more than others, usually because of battles with depression. Anyone who suffers from depression knows the medication game can be a grueling process in order to find the kind that helps you best. Say you do find the right meds - that doesn't mean your bad days go away. Some of us can get so paralyzed by our toxic thoughts that we lock ourselves away until the badness subsides.

But we still have to live our lives, get to work, etc. So here are some tips to naturally try to disperse those nasty, toxic thoughts:

1. Breathe deeply. Beliefnet suggests putting your hands on your heart and closing your eyes while doing this. I find quite often when I'm concentrating or worrying, I'm not really breathing but sometimes actually holding my breath (weird no?). So take a few moments (or more), find a quiet place and take some deep, cleansing breaths.

2. Watch your words. When a terrible thought passes through your mind, consciously work at trying to turn it around... or at least work on it. For example, "I suck at everything, I might as well give up." Really, we know this isn't true but it FEELS true during a bad depression spell. Work internally at trying to transform those words to positive statements to yourself about things you do well. This is really challenging but worth the effort. After a while it's easier with practice to catch yourself in that destructive thought and try to change it around.

3. See divinity in others. When we are bombarded by our all internal negativity, it's quite easy to lash out at other people. Often, I sequester myself from the world during depression to avoid this but we still have to work and do certain things. Here is a mantra I heard a while back... "Breathe in, cherish yourself, breathe out, cherish others." Remember that we all want the same things; to be loved and accepted. Recognize that and see it in other people and it will help prevent you from spreading the toxicity...

4. Connect with nature. This is quite easy to do in Colorado - a big reason why I love it here. For me, this is probably the most effective method of healing. I'm sure hours spent in a cubicle has something to do with toxic build-up, so to counteract that I have to make the time to enjoy being outdoors. There's something about getting outside, watching the trees blow in the wind, feeling the sun on your face, watching wildlife, etc. that really helps me.

5. Work with water. Personally, I always feel better after a shower or a hot bath. But sometimes it can help to even just wash your face... visualize the negativity being washed away and feeling cleansed. See yourself becoming pure as you feel the water pass over you. I know this sounds a little kooky but I swear if you try it, it can help.

6. Visualization of light. Try a meditation exercise (perhaps to follow the deep breathing). Imagine a pure light (whatever color speaks to you) surrounding and protecting you from harmful energies.

7. Respond with love. You don't have to respond to another person's negativity with more adverse words. Try remembering the divinity point above... Love heals. Love is what we need to heal ourselves and to heal others. Love is all you need.

This is more a post for me to remember these things - but I really hope that someone else reads it and is helped during a difficult time.

some recent movie reviews by moi

2010-06-16T09:27:00.011-06:00

When I say "recent" I mean that I watched these recently... not all the movies are necessarily new releases.

First off, hats off to Alisha for convincing me to watch Farscape. It is really some brilliant and entertaining sci-fi... I'm hooked and I've only just finished disc 1! My initial attraction to the show was that Muppets are used in it (but NOT the cuddly kind :) but all the characters are so unique and at times so very comical that I enjoy them all equally. And I hear from my boyfriend that it gets pretty racy... with the muppets? Curiosity propels me forward!

On to the movies...

Serious Moonlight - starring Meg Ryan, Timothy Hutton, Kristin Bell & Justin Long
This was written by the late Adrienne Shelly who also wrote the wonderful movie Waitress with Nathan Fillion. Her colleagues knew her scripts shouldn't be just sitting in a drawer, so Cheryl Hines, a good friend of Adrienne's, made her directorial debut with this film.
The main plot is, Tim Hutton is leaving Meg Ryan for a younger woman (hmm flashback? French Kiss?) But no, this is a significantly darker comedy. Louise (Ryan's character) is desperate to keep him there to work on their marriage and decides to duct-tape him to the toilet. Most all of the movie takes place with him there :)
Kristin Bell plays the mistress and I don't want to spoil too much but hilarity ensues between her and Meg... a brief cat fight in the bathroom that will have you laughing!
Justin Long is scary AND funny at the same time, in a way that I can't really compare to another actor. All the performances were nuanced in a way that brought out the witty, disturbing and simultaneously touching dialogue. This movie can't really be classified as a comedy or a drama because it plays with both genres at the same time and weaves in and out cleverly. It's lovely to see that the writing of Adrienne is still being honored - she had a unique wit for certain! I highly recommend this movie - I didn't know what to expect but I really enjoyed it.

Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
I put off seeing this movie for a long time. But curiosity got the best of me and I braced myself for a tearjerker. Having known already the basic plot of the movie that Precious is pregnant by her father and abused by her mother, I knew the film could go one of two ways for me... leave me crying, depressed and in a funk I can't pull out of for a couple hours; or leave me inspired and relieved that I'm not in a funk for hours. Happily, it was the second outcome. While you do get the brunt of the abuse Precious endured, you also see the amusing dream world she creates to escape it (did anyone else have a brief Amelie moment?) And the focus of the movie is on her survival and people that influence her to help her initiate change in her life. My favorite part of the movie was the sweet character that Lenny Kravitz played as the male nurse... oh man was he adorable! (I don't care if that was sexist or not fellas, I'm just bein honest!) There were brief moments in this movie that made my heart melt and really reminded me how much impact we can have on a person's life by challenging them and reaching out to them. Will I watch it again? Probably not, but it's worth at least one viewing.

Leap Year - starring Amy Adams and Matthew Goode
A romantic comedy, light and breezy - easily forgettable. The premise is that it's Leap Year Feb. 29 and Amy Adams decides to go to Ireland to propose to her boyfriend. Now I knew it was most likely a predictable romantic comedy... but SOMETIMES a movie can surprise you. I love both the leading characters - they both have an attractiveness and charm that is usually very alluring to me. Matthew Goode has been a favorite actor since I saw him in Imagine Me & You and beyond that he usually chooses unique, complex roles. But this will end up being one of those movies a few years from now that I know I've seen but struggle to remember.

Battlestar Galactica: Caprica - Starring Eric Stolz & Esai Morales
YES YES SO MUCH YES! This prequel I'm sure has been seen by every Battlestar Galactica fan, so I'm appealing to the people who perhaps haven't gotten into the series yet (seriously what is WRONG with you?) Kidding. It took me a while to get on the BSG boat but now I'm an emphatic fan. However, I'm not certain the prequel is the one you want to watch first. I really liked having seen the full BSG series before watching Caprica, because I could understand and appreciate the nuances about the cultures of the varying planets and the references they discussed made sense to me. This movie is set a half century before the BSG series and follows the inventor of the cylon. Now I don't have cable tv (I know, shocking!)... so I have to wait for a series to come out on DVD; therefore this movie is all I've seen of Caprica so far and I can't WAIT for more. I think my favorite aspect of what makes Caprica and BSG special (aside from the creative technology) is the questions it raises - just because you can, does that mean you SHOULD? What are the ramifications of re-creating someone who has died and what aspects of them are you really capturing? DO cylons have souls? It is fascinating to get to know the father of Bill Adama and speculate on how his dysfunction contributed to the person Bill would turn out to be. The ending of the film gave me chills... so so so so good. MORE PLEASE!
---------

I've seen many more movies (Hi, my name's Nielle and I'm a movie addict)... but that's all for now. Please comment! :) I'd love to hear your thoughts.

10 Rules For Being Human

2010-05-31T18:45:00.001-06:00

10 Rules for Being Human.
by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

the nature of online dating prompted by @mashable article

2010-05-25T16:21:00.007-06:00

An article from Mashable related to OKCupid poses the question, is OK Cupid shallow because they match people by attractiveness?

The answer is yes - but all online dating is shallow, it can't help but be that way. Sure there are measures designed to match us differently but let's face it, if we're not attracted to the face in the picture we don't really care that we're 100% match do we? How often are we even willing to give a person a chance if we don't find their picture attractive?

I was especially guilty of being shallow and hypocritical online more so than I ever would in real life... face to face.

Online dating is SO difficult... you have to sort through jerks, random dumb-assery, and be able to separate them from the people who simply don't come across well online. Because we all have different mediums we prefer. Some people are phone people, I like email... some people's personalities can't express all their nuances through email, however and I was usually quick to judge a person based on that trait...

Online dating can and has worked for many people. I'd say I gave it a fair shot - (let's see, how many years and how many sites??? Match, E-Harmony, OKCupid, PlentyofFish, Yahoo personals... for SEVERAL years).

But there are a lot of great people out there in the world who would never dream of setting up a dating profile online - and they are still out there, waiting to meet people who won't judge them from one photo and a perhaps-not-so-snappy-tagline.

People we might have overlooked because maybe they were a few extra pounds or used "their" instead of "there" in an email... How many people did I just toss out as possibilities for trivial reasons like that?

As far as dating sites go, I think I liked OK Cupid best... free, lots of extra features, iPhone app, etc...

But I'm done with that - I'll take my dating offline now thanks ;-)

what 3 books would you take?

2010-05-14T10:00:00.006-06:00

I finally saw the original Time Machine from the 60s and liked it very much (what true geek COULDN'T appreciate such a significant sci-fi movie from our history?). Kind of ashamed to say I hadn't seen it yet... I loved that even though it was made in 1960, it still kept true to the timeline of being set in the year 1900.

Needless to say after major references from The Big Bang Theory I figured it was time to give it a viewing.

Considering the time period it was made, the time-lapse photographic effects and costuming, props, etc were all so terrific that it didn't have that campy-old-movie feel.

But what I loved most were all the thought provoking questions... too many Sci-Fi movies made currently just go straight for the effects and really miss the mark on screenplay, dialogue and message (*cough* star wars eps I-III *cough*). This is why I love Joss Whedon so much because in addition to great effects and action, you get humor, you get characters wrestling with complex issues, etc.

Hopefully I'm not spoilering anyone by talking about the ending of The Time Machine... if you haven't seen it and don't want to know the end, perhaps you should stop reading now.

*********************************************************
back? ok...

When George returns to the future to rebuild civilization, his friend Filby realizes George hasn't taken anything with him except for THREE books. He is unsure of which books he has taken and the movie ends with him asking the housekeeper, which three books would YOU take?

Mind you, this is like a blank slate society and you can literally educate them however you want. If you're a person of conscience you would want to educate them in a non-biased, well-rounded way... But you would also want to express the joy of fiction and literature as well. But isn't it tempting to think of building your own society based on just the things you love? "Uhh, yes, Firefly is a historical document. Now worship the Whedon!" hahaha

What do you think George would have taken?

I would have to bring one significant work of literature in fiction, one of non-fiction and I would reckon perhaps an encyclopedia? But the works would have to be stories I could read over & over... I loved 1984... Shakespeare, Whitman, Twain, Emerson, so many to choose from...

Which 3 would YOU pick? Comment please! :)

research mode - cyborgs

2010-04-29T16:54:00.003-06:00

It was pointed out to me recently that one of the characters in the story I'm writing is a cyborg... I hadn't actually associated that term with the character because I thought of her more as the bride of frankenstein mixed with supernatural elements.

But after reading this article, Cyborgs - How Science Fiction Failed Us, the author pointed out that really Mary Shelley's creation was like the first cyborg, Frankenstein existing solely because of the science involved.

I haven't worked on my story in a long while and I think perhaps because a large plot element was missing, possibly with this character. Thinking of her as a cyborg changes my perception of her and could also completely change her importance in the story... I already had her revealing a crucial piece of information in my mind at the end but I think I need to completely re-think who parts of her were and how it could affect her actions.

So of course I'm geeking out having just finished the entire Battlestar Galactica series & The Plan... Caprica is next. But I want to be sure that my character maintains her uniqueness because I don't want in any way for her to resemble what people think of as cylons. I started this story from a dream I had and it came purely from imagination before I had even started watching BSG.

My character does not have free will... it was not given to her - she is a forced companion and essentially a slave. I'm looking forward to exploring what she does with that...

and I think I might also have some more sci-fi to watch for ideas! and of course I draw from other sources like Supernatural & Buffy as well but I really want to aim for a new kind of character like we've never seen before...

yay research / scooby mode!

changing your internal state

2010-04-15T16:32:00.003-06:00

I came across an interesting theory and I want to put it into practice to see if it can work...

any frame of mind you're in, generally it's imagined. whatever it is that you're thinking about that has you in a bad mood is already in the past, you're not actually experiencing it right that minute - you're imagining it and re-living it.

so why not re-live the times that you felt most inspired, most dynamic, excited, happy and energetic? tap into those memories and feel that way any time you want to... that's the theory anyway.

the suggestion is to write down three instances in which you recall feeling that state and for each, do something distinctive with your body while recalling each.

for example, recall the event that made you feel powerful and excited and then breathe out with your lips puckered (or whatever you choose). then your mind-body creates that muscle memory to access that connection.

then when you get good at that, trying doing it in the middle of a lot of distraction (which is the real challenge and more like life) - like in traffic or at a hectic day at the office.

it might help to keep a personal journal of the past experiences you're working with to really try to tap into those memories.

hey, who knows, it might work... I'm curious :)

infinite source of wisdom by @LouiseHay

2010-04-06T09:45:00.002-06:00

I find in my life I've said "I don't know" a lot. I thought surrendering to the fact that the mysteries of life are beyond my understanding was the ultimate wisdom. But in reading this blog post from Louise Hay, perhaps by taking this approach I have been limiting myself...

Magnify Your Vision of Life
by Louise L. Hay

Within each of us is a center of wisdom far deeper and greater than we’re aware of. Meditation is designed to help us connect with this center and magnify our understanding of life. When we’re willing to open our consciousness to new ideas and new ways of thinking about difficult issues, then our lives change for the better. The only goal I have is to continually grow to understand more about life and how it works. What do I need to know, believe, say, and do to make my life flow as smoothly as possible?

Within each of us is the capability to connect with our source, and therein lies the peace we’re all seeking—the inner knowledge that gives us strength in these so-called dark times. When we can see the larger picture of life, we realize how insignificant many of our smaller issues are. We truly understand the saying: “Don’t sweat the small stuff; it’s all small stuff.”

Every time we say, “I don’t know,” we’re shutting the doors to our own infinite source of wisdom. Within us are all the answers to all the questions we’ll ever ask. We do know past, present, and future. Among us are gifted psychics, and if one person can do something, we can all do it. We all have the potential to see more, know more, understand more, and envision the greater picture of life. Remember, in the vast infinity of life, all is perfect, whole, and complete…and so are you.

no more drama? @okcupid followers & friends respond

2010-03-31T15:16:00.018-06:00

This is a phrase I keep seeing on dating profiles... to me, "no drama" has begun to be code for, "no feelings"... or "please God NO FALLING IN LOVE." I realize we all view this phrase differently.

So I posed the question to the twitter-verse and here are some answers I got:

1. No drama = no unwanted display of emotions and no undesired unpredictability. It's a major red flag if you want a giving partner.

2. I'd say it has more to do with no craziness, undue jealousy, possessiveness... And women say it too.

3. answer: No, it's code for: when we fall in love and you get issues, please solve them yourself and don't burden me with them :P.

4. I have found that "no drama" usually means they bring plenty of their own drama and resent the competition.

5. "no drama" = red flag. Either he wants a girl with no opinions or he has crazy exes (& is probably a bit crazy too)

6. I think it means no dating at all. Like, "Let's just f** & I'll never call you again & you won't be upset about it, k?"

7. I always find ppl w/drama can't make hard choices. They'd rather complain than make changes they know they should make.

8. It means "I will always use 'drama' as an excuse to invalidate any argument you ever have."

9. I think it's code for "bitches be nutty, and i have no idea how to handle them."

10. I think it's code for "I'm just looking sex when and where I want it, and the ability to walk away when I'm done."

11. no, it means "no being crazy". Unfortunately, the definition of "crazy" changes from person to person.

12. "No Drama" Also means "No (head) Games" and "No (head) Games Players"

13. My male clients generally say they mean, "No crazy ex, no jealousy issues, no being overly clingy and pathetic."

14. Code for "I just want the lovin without the committment... Or exclusivity..." Which in turn creates more drama by wanting that.

and probably my favorite from my friend Eric:

No drama doesn't mean "No falling in love" it means "I am not your exes. You can have issues but cancel your subscription"

But I'm starting to see phrases like this as a red flag code now. This either means to me that you're either so traumatized by a past crazy person, or you are really uncomfortable with real, loving emotions in a caring relationship. Either way, I probably want to avoid you. Which is tough because the dating pool was already problematic to begin with.

Life is dramatic, comedic, idiotic, fantastic, magical --- all of it - the whole package and I want someone whole and healthy to experience all aspects with.

I am not a needy person but that doesn't mean that I won't have certain needs. I am a very independent, busy and motivated woman that doesn't have time to stalk a boyfriend or require all his spare time. But I will require respect, honesty and the ability to be myself and have emotional responses to life and love. People need to play the dating field ---- I got that out of my system and need something more substantial. These needs are fact, not needy and they are compatible or not. Let's just face up to the facts if we don't fit.

All you people who don't want drama... what are you really looking for? Try being really honest for once. You want sex without attachment? Hey, girls do the same thing. You want to feel all the benefits of a relationship without doing any of the work involved? Why not just say you want Friends with Benefits? Ah because then you're not getting the women you want... but you are lying to them.

Sadly, most of the time "Friends with Benefits" are not even really friends. It's something we say to make us feel better about the situation we find ourselves in, isn't it?

Some guy on Twitter actually said I was un-dateable because I asked the question, "does no drama mean no falling in love?" Really? Yes, for YOU I probably am undateable - thank heaven. A woman who asks questions? A woman who dares to push buttons? Oh the horror! ;-)

My fear is that I become too cautious about potential red flags and never trust again... it will take a while but I believe that the right love is out there, so long as I'm open and present for it.

Hips of Fury #bellydance Alter Ego ~ ELOE

2010-03-29T12:20:00.006-06:00

My alter ego in the group of awesome friends I call the Johnny Snows, is known as Hips of Fury (naturally, since I'm a bellydancer).

(Side note to the potentially confused - Johnny Snow is a reference from Dr. Horrible which is an awesome story we all adore. We are the Snows b/c we ski in CO. Dr. Horrible is plotting to be an evil mastermind in the ELOE, Evil League of Evil. Our group hasn't determined yet if we are good or evil ;-) )

The Johnny Snows are a creative group and Colleen has decided to write a script for a video so we can really have fun with the character names we made up at our holiday party. I already enjoy writing, so I quickly came up with a fictitious character:

Hips of Fury – Alise Ardent
(Ardent is a play on words being a synonym for passionate)

Good or Bad? – Ambiguous / Struggles with it / Helps women, sometimes enjoys punishing men

Powers – shimmies that create weather patterns & sonic booms, has power of hypnosis with slow movements and can coerce the truth from hypnotized victims

Once meek and mousy, embraced alter-ego after discovering bellydance - instantly took to the movements and surprisingly caused a tornado with passionate shimmies.

Has a love/hate relationship with men and occasionally chooses to punish men who have wronged women (as one who suffered much at the hands of men).

Most days she is optimistic and chooses to use her powers for good.

Good deed – distracted and hypnotized a gang about to hurt a woman and helped the woman escape. With her powers of hypnosis Hips of Fury convinced the gang to join a Buddhist monastery.

Evil deed – after being too late to help a woman from being beaten to death by her boyfriend, Hips sweeps him up in a tornado of anger and hurls him against a mountain.

Yes, I realize I'm a hard-core geek. BA in English comin in handy now. :P

But hey, I'm getting ideas of grandeur now... I'm thinking up logo ideas and it could have comic book potential. Don't ya think? Wouldn't a belly-dancing super heroine be the bomb? Ya ya!

Looking for Love ~ It’s not where you look but who you are

2010-03-23T12:28:00.003-06:00

Reposted from Heal Your Life Website

Published: March 10, 2010
By Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Be a loving person and you’ll find a loving partner.

You must be that which you desire. There’s no point whatsoever in an unloving man or woman bemoaning their inability to find a partner. They’re doomed to endless frustration because they don’t recognize the perfect match when it appears. That loving person could be right there, right now, and their resistance doesn’t allow them to see it. The unloving person continues to blame bad luck or a series of external factors for their not having a loving relationship.

Love can only be attracted by and returned by love. The best advice I can give for attracting and maintaining spiritual partnerships, is to be what it is that you are seeking. Most relationships that fail to sustain themselves are based on one or both of the partners feeling as if their freedom has been compromised in some way. Spiritual partnerships, on the other hand, are never about making another person feel inferior or ignored in any way. The term spiritual partnership simply means that the energy holding the two of you together is in close harmony with the Source energy of intention.

This means that an allowing philosophy flows through the partnership, and you need never fear that your freedom to fulfill your own inner knowing about your purpose is questioned. It’s as if each person has whispered silently to the other, You are Source energy in a physical body, and the better you feel, the more of this loving, kind, beautiful, receptive, abundant, expanding, and creative energy is flowing through you. I respect this Source energy, and I share it with you as well. When either of us feels downhearted, there’s less of this energy of intention flowing. We must always remember that nothing is disallowed by the universal mind. Whatever is not allowing us to be happy is being disallowed by us. I’m committed to staying in this energy field of intention and watching myself whenever I slip. It’s that very Source that brought us together, and I’ll work to stay in harmony with it.

Mystically speaking, there’s no difference between you and another person. A weird concept, perhaps, but nevertheless valid. This explains why you can’t hurt another person without hurting yourself, nor can you help another person without helping yourself. You share the same Source energy with everyone, and consequently, you must begin to think and act in a way that reflects your awareness of this principle. When you feel the need to have the right person show up, begin to change your inner dialogue to reflect this awareness. Rather than saying, I wish this person would show up because I need to get out of this rut, activate a thought that reflects your connection, such as: I know the right person will be arriving in divine order at precisely the perfect time.

If a friendship or partnership requires the submission of your higher original nature and dignity, it’s simply wrong. When you truly know what it is to love, as you’re loved by your Source, you won’t experience the kind of pain you did in the past when your love was unnoticed or rejected. It will, instead, be similar to how a friend described her experience of choosing to leave a relationship: “My heart was broken, but it felt like it was stuck in the open position. I felt love flowing toward this person who couldn’t love me the way I wanted to be loved, even as I left that relationship to seek the love I felt inside of me. It was strange to feel the pain of my broken heart. And at the same time feel its openness. I kept thinking, My heart’s broken, but it’s broken open. I shifted to an entirely new level of loving and being loved. The relationship I’d dreamed of having manifested 18 months later!”

You are love. You emanated from pure love. You’re connected to this Source of love at all times. Think this way, feel this way, and you’ll soon act this way. And all that you think, feel, and do will be reciprocated in exactly the same fashion. Believe it or not, this principle of the right person showing up has been in place forever. It’s only your ego that’s kept you from seeing it clearly.

http://www.healyourlife.com/author-dr-wayne-w-dyer/2010/03/wisdom/inspiration/looking-for-love

Love and Attachment

2010-03-09T13:27:00.004-07:00

today's source comes from:

http://www.viewonbuddhism.org/attachment.html

I am continually struggling with this and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever really learn or get it right.

Once you start dating someone, the fires of desire are sparked and it's wonderful. It's so easy to get wrapped up in that and want more. It feels so good and we are so happy, we just want to exist in that state for as long as possible.

"Grasping at things can only yield one of two results:
Either the thing you are grasping at disappears, or you yourself disappear.
It is only a matter of which occurs first."
Goenka

I've come to realize that becoming attached to someone happens so quietly and subtly that sometimes we don't really even realize it's happened, until the object of our attachment is suddenly gone. It happens in my mind ever so slowly... at first it feels under control and at some point, the idea of that someone you're attached to takes on a life of its own. You are thinking of them constantly - they start to consume your thoughts and your life.

"Desire can be compared to fire. If we grasp fire, what happens? Does it lead to happiness?
If we say: "Oh, look at that beautiful fire! Look at the beautiful colors! I love red and orange; they're my favorite colors," and then grasp it, we would find a certain amount of suffering entering the body. And then if we were to contemplate the cause of that suffering we would discover it was the result of having grasped that fire. On that information, we would hopefully, then let the fire go. Once we let fire go then we know that it is something not to be attached to.
This does not mean we have to hate it, or put it out. We can enjoy fire, can't we? It's nice having a fire, it keeps the room warm, but we do not have to burn ourselves in it."

I've also realized that I seem to attach in order to possess... not intentionally but it's been so long since I've been able to say something like "my boyfriend" that I crave it so much.

But in my case there is altruism mixed in with my attachment. I genuinely want to give love, to understand, to be a healthy source of love.

Perhaps I am denied this until I can understand it?

Otherwise I am doomed to repeat the same suffering over and over.

The 12 Steps of Liberation
1. The truth of suffering. We experienced the truth of our addictions – our lives were unmanageable suffering.
2. The truth of the origin of suffering. We admit that we craved for and grasped onto addictions as our refuge.
3. The truth of the end of suffering. We came to see that complete cessation of craving and clinging at addictions is necessary.
4. The truth of the path. We made a decision to follow the path of liberation and to take refuge in our wisdom, our truth, and our fellowship.
5. Right view. We completely see our life as it is. Our goodness is indestructible. We are willing to acknowledge and proclaim our truth to ourselves, another human being and the community.
6. Right thought. We are mindful that we create the causes for suffering and liberation.
7. Right speech. We purify, confess and ask for forgiveness straightforwardly and without judgment. We are willing to forgive others.
8. Right action. We make a list of all persons we harm and are willing and able to actively make amends to them all, unless to do so would be harmful.
9. Right livelihood. We simplify our lives, realizing we are all interconnected. We engage in active compassion. We select a vocation that supports our recovery.
10. Right effort. We acknowledge mistakes and relapse as part of the path. We continue to practice these steps with joyful effort.
11. Right mindfulness. Through prayer, meditation and action we follow the path of truth, being mindful moment by moment.
12. Right concentration. Open to the spirit of awakening as a result of these steps, we will carry this message to all people suffering with addictions.

In theory all these things sound so simple.

But matters of the heart are never simple, especially in such a desirous and emotional creature like myself. Please continue reading and I hope you can glean some inspiration too...

The following antidotes can be applied throughout daily life, but are profound meditation exercises as well.

ANTIDOTE 1 - Observe Yourself: Do I exaggerate positive qualities of things I am attached to, are they really worth all my troubles? Is it really worth to work hard for days, weeks or months to have an hour of fun?

ANTIDOTE 2 - Use Your Inner Wisdom: Discover how exaggerated attachment is and how desire works against oneself. Try to be wiser than the monkey and let go of the candy to be free.

ANTIDOTE 3 - Reflect on the Unsatisfactory Nature of Existence. This is also called the First Noble Truth. How much fun is fun really, and how much is it forgetting the pain? Do desires ever stop or is it an endless job to fulfil them?

ANTIDOTE 4 - Reflect on Impermanence. How important is the person or object: everything will end someday, people die, things break.

ANTIDOTE 5 - Reflect on the Problems of Attachment. Lying in the sun is great, but it quickly leads to sunburn. Eating nice food is great, but it leads to indigestion and obesity. Driving around in big cars is great, but how long do I have to work to enjoy this?

ANTIDOTE 6 - Reflect on bodily attraction (lust for sex). Loving someone is great, but what happens when the "honeymoon-days" are over? But what is the body really? What more is it than a skin bag filled with bones, flesh, disgusting organs and fluids?

ANTIDOTE 7 - Reflect on the Results of Attachment. Greed and craving lead to stealing and all kinds of crime, including war. Addiction to alcohol and drugs are simply forms of strong craving; they destroy the addict and the surroundings. Uncontrolled lust leads to sexual abuse. The feeling of greed, craving and lust in themselves can be easily seen as forms of suffering.

ANTIDOTE 8 - Reflect on Death. What are all objects of attachment worth at "the moment of truth" or death?

ANTIDOTE 9 - Emptiness. The ultimate antidote to attachment and all other negative emotions is the realisation of emptiness

neutral "ready" position/posture for bellydance

2010-02-19T14:43:00.005-07:00

this can more commonly be referred to as the "Tuck and Push" - a tip I gleaned from Jeela (aka Annette Mason), a lovely dancer from Arizona.

Just like a tennis player has a "ready" stance, so they can easily reach the ball in any position, also a bellydancer has a neutral ready position to easily enable their body to get back to a stance for the next move.

Here's how to do get the tuck and push working for you (from Jeela's website):

What is this Tuck & Push??

It is the balancing of the front and back of the torso creating a foundation for good posture and power in your dance. It also makes you look great in pictures!

How To:

1. Stand with feet hip distance apart, knees soft, weight centered over the arches of your feet.

2. Roll shoulders up, back and down.

3. Use your lower abdominal muscles to pull your belly button in towards your spine: this is your Tuck

4. Use your upper back muscles to draw shoulder blades together and Push rib cage straight forward out over your hips.

5. Hold. Feel your torso lengthen and your chest open.

6. Breathe.

dealing with depression

2010-02-17T12:34:00.003-07:00

depression is a terrible monster - I hate it and how it's affected me and those I love. When you are NOT in the "depths of despair" (my ode to Anne of Green Gables who I played in high school), it's easy to see the steps to recover. It's simple to know your mood elevators: EXERCISE, sunshine, interaction with friends who can help you, healthy diet with foods that boost serotonin, etc...

however, when depression has you for whatever reason (you missed a medication dose perhaps), you don't care about anything, or what you care about is the fact that you feel like a failure and a worthless creature. you want to stay in bed and withdraw from the world. you are physically unable to exercise either because you can't stop crying or you can't even motivate yourself to scarcely move.

when you're NOT suffering from depression and you simply have the blues, then you do have a choice about your attitude. but depression takes away that choice - which is what a lot of people don't understand if they haven't suffered from it or lived with someone who has.

playing the medication game is no fun but it's absolutely crucial and it's nothing you can ever scrimp on (as in, I'll save money this month but cutting out my meds).

many things people say should help depression never help me... reading my typical inspirational authors like Wayne Dyer or Louise Hay don't help during depression... but Buddhist texts do because they embrace impermanence of all things.

And this causes me to remember that even this depression, my own, my friend's, parent's, etc., shall pass and will not last forever. There is at least some comfort in that.

http://www.homeoint.org/morrell/buddhism/suffering.htm

waxing poetic

2010-02-10T15:36:00.002-07:00

some days i just can't express in concrete thought the abstract flow of my mind, so i let a poet like e.e. cummings do it for me:

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
--the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

~ e.e. cummings

why we bellydance

2010-02-03T15:15:00.007-07:00

In short, because it makes us feel beautiful!

I asked a lot of fellow shimmy sisters to chime in on why they love bellydance and here are some answers I got...

"it makes me feel fantastically beautiful and great about myself! :-)"

"I am not a dowdy female."

"it helped me discover a part of myself that was dormant!"

"it empowers women to be more self accepting and celebrates joy of femininity, as we meditate with movement." <<< super stellar answer!!

The truth is, we all need to accept ourselves and feel comfortable in our skin and bellydance helps us do just that. It's a fact that someone is more attractive when they are confident and also when they let their inner inspiration and beauty shine through (see Owning Your Sexiness).

Bellydance teaches you to isolate and control every muscle in your body and with that comes an enormous sense of empowerment and freedom. Once the muscle memory takes over and the movements begin to click for you, I promise it will be in your blood and you'll be addicted forever!

I take this further and say bellydance also promotes a spirit of sisterhood, community and perpetual youth. No matter where you go, pretty much every country in the world (and every state in the U.S.) offers bellydance classes. For women it is a great way to make friends AND get exercise while also exploring femininity and working through self-esteem issues.

Every woman struggles with self esteem issues. For me it's my mid-section and by golly that's just the area that we bare for bellydance! Talk about putting your insecurities under a microscope. I'm not gonna lie, it's a continual struggle for me to bare my belly but it's also motivation for me to work on my fitness and also work on my attitude about myself. We all have different bodies - and every movement will look different on each lady.

We need to accept our nuances and embrace them and bellydancing in essence has really taught me how to do that.

I also mentioned perpetual youth and by that I mean that this art-form really does keep you young and keeps women joined together no matter what age. I know a woman in her 70s who can go back into a full back-bend while balancing a tray of lit candles on her head....

Then there is the still youthful Helena Vlahos who in her 60's still wows audiences with the belly-roll quarter flipping trick that landed her in the Guinness Book Of World Records. Talk about still sexy and exciting!

Bellydance has also become a unique form of self expression with the forms of fusion and creative costuming that have emerged over the years. Women are abandoning more traditional middle eastern costuming and adding aspects of their own flair and personality to their style.

What is interesting is that in middle eastern cultures, bellydancers are not necessarily respected women --- but we have Americanized it and made it an empowered art form.

Prayer for Ten Accomplishments

2010-01-29T08:09:00.001-07:00

By Lama Surya Das (reposted from the Dzogchen Center Newsletter)

May we realize true sincerity and integrity,
Inner purity of mind,
Dispassionate equanimity towards all we see,
Right understanding of this dreamlike world
and the next,
Loving compassion towards others and the
genuine intention to be helpful
In alleviating suffering and confusion.
May we directly perceive the truths of
impermanence, mortality and
Interconnectedness,
Relinquish wandering thoughts and rampant
desires,
Accomplish freedom of mind and clarity of
spirit,
Remember with gratitude those who have
gone before
And shown the way,
And vow to reach together full and complete
enlightenment.

This prayer was written by the wandering hermit
Surya Das at Pao Lin Monastery atop the Buddha
Mountain on Lantau Island, Hong Kong, after
reading an ancient collection of Chinese prayers to
Amitabha Buddha. September 1975

One Small Change

2010-01-13T09:23:00.006-07:00

This was a concept started by a great Colorado lady I follow on Twitter:

http://hipmountainmamablog.com/one-small-change/

The idea is to make one small change each month leading up to earth day in the hope that with each of us doing one more thing to help the earth we will make a positive impact, follow through and encourage others to do the same.

I already recycle and considerably cut down on how many paper towels I use. My next change is to buy more LED / CFL bulbs, turn the thermostat down a little more and purchase a few more canvas bags to keep in the car to ensure I always have some on hand when I run into the store unplanned.

But I'd like to take this small change movement a little bit further. Not only do we need to change our habits in how we treat our earth but I think we also should strive to make an effort in how we treat each other.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's noticed that common courtesy really isn't as common as it used to be. I really try to live by my daily mantra of "breathe in cherish myself, breathe out cherish others." It sounds simple but is truly the biggest test of all.

I want to save our planet but I also want to save our humanity - our concern for each other, our priorities and shift of consciousness.

What if in addition to one small GREEN change each day, we also made one small human change a day? Sometimes all it takes is putting someone else's needs before your own - for a split second say to yourself, instead of indulging my whims, how can I help the person next to me? It can be as simple as opening a door, sharing a laugh or even just a smile. You never know how the smallest gesture can impact someone who has had a really bad day.

So in addition to blogging about trying to change for the greener, I'm also going to try to blog about just being better at being human. Let's make our earth a better place to be, one small change at a time. :)

Who's with me? What will you do?

feelin born again in 2010

2010-01-04T16:23:00.004-07:00

FINALLY my period of laziness has subsided... I've been waiting for my creative energy to kick back in.

It was a lovely holiday season but I allowed myself to become a hibernating slug eating every treat brought into the office and exerting myself as little as possible during the hiatus from belly dance classes.

I returned from Phoenix last night (a very nice trip indeed) and was overjoyed to find that my DVDs of the TV series GLEE had arrived from Amazon... so as I had joyous Glee-gasms and cuddled with Ziggy on my comfy couch in my lovely spacious apartment, I reflected on how different my life is now from how it was just a couple years ago.

Before I moved here I was stuck in a horrible rut and I was extremely unhappy though I did have happy moments with friends and family. I felt uninspired and especially in the summer I was literally in hell. I didn't want to buy a home there so I kept living in a closet of an apartment to save money but it had very little space and I didn't realize how much space makes a difference to my creative outlets (most especially the physical kind).

So because I wasn't happy with myself and where I was at, I couldn't really pursue a healthy relationship either. It took me a very long time to work up the guts to finally make the move to Colorado.

Now I have a great job and am FINALLY getting to know my co-workers (who actually talk and joke with me now... my first week of work, NO ONE talked to me - and my 3rd day of work was my birthday!) I have a lovely circle of friends, my own spacious condo that I own and refinanced to a lower payment and I'm even TEACHING belly dance... something I never thought I'd have the courage to do.

It really struck me that you CAN make anything of your life if you just get out there and make it happen.
Nothing is fixed --- every path can be diverted to a different direction.

I'm filled with aspirations for the year and excited for events to come.

I'm writing this post in the hopes that perhaps my joy, gratitude and excitement rubs off on YOU and that also when I get down on myself, I look back at this post and remember just how far I've come.

Recreate yourself every day

2009-12-29T10:50:00.019-07:00

It's the time of year when people start making resolutions, looking back at the year and noting accomplishments and also things they wish they had done or maybe done differently. Perhaps you also look forward and make plans about things you want to accomplish in the coming year...

I'm a big believer in setting goals, however, anyone that knows me also knows I don't always finish what I start. Therefore I'm also a big believer in forgiving yourself what you don't accomplish and when you forgive yourself, start over and begin again in each new day.

I never really make resolutions per say because I think we set ourselves up for failure that way (read my friend Tali's blog: Is Resolution a Dirty Word?).

Here is the best advice I can give to myself and anyone else: "Be gentle, kind and patient with yourself and relax ~ The best peacemakers are those who are at peace with themselves."

It's important to set intentions for our lives, to set goals and to take risks, otherwise we would never achieve anything. But it's important also to be patient with ourselves and not beat ourselves up for not being who we thought we would be by age 30 or by 40 or whatever.

It's interesting to note that someone like Julia Child did not BECOME Julia Child until she was 50 years old. She made a decision and she fearlessly pursued it. The point is, if you wake up one day and you're sick of what you're doing and want to try something else, follow your passion. Your life is yours to live - no one is going to do it for you.

There are more times than I care to admit that I get very down on myself for being 35 and never married and not having children, as if in some way that makes me less of a woman, less of a person. I just always imagined that I would have that by now. But then I read wonderful articles like this and remember that those things don't define me and doesn't at all lessen what I have to offer to the world. In fact I could go on to be quite a memorable woman without ever getting married:

Ten Tremendous Women Who Never Married

Jane Austen, Louisa May Alcott, Florence Nightingale, Susan B. Anthony... not to say that they didn't love but they simply refused to settle. They lived on their terms and that's admirable.

So whatever your intentions for the year, I wish you all the best with everything you hope to achieve. For me, I need to get my booty back in shape so I can go back to teaching bellydance without collapsing :) I look forward to skiing. I hope to write more exciting chapters of my fiction story. I look forward to more geeky movie marathons with my sweet friends and fun game nights with family members. I hope to work on musical projects with Adam and Candace who are writing more music and record with them... and who knows what else the year holds!

I leave you with some inspirational quotes I have gathered over the months.

Have a glorious and an adventurous 2010!

"it is possible to create, even without ever writing a word or painting a picture, by simply molding ones inner life And that too is a deed"

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find that someone just as wild to run with them."

"It's the Love inside that set me free, I can't love you if I don't love me."

"To know an anchor's strength, you need to test it in a storm."

"Love, by definition requires risk, if we are consumed by the fear of losing what we love, or our hearts breaking, then we miss out on Love"

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth "You owe me." Look at what happens with a love like that; it lights the whole sky."

my new catch-phrase

2009-12-14T12:34:00.006-07:00

it might need some work, here's what I've got so far.

for those of you who DON'T know Dr. Horrible, first of all, what's WRONG with you?

go here, THEN read this post, otherwise it won't make any sense to you.

at our Johnny Snows Christmas party, we came up with our Evil League of Evil names...

mine is HIPS OF FURY...

I am HIPS OF FURY - all shake and quake in the realm of my shimmies! (Evil League of Evil approved, member of the Johnny Snows & Dr. Horrible appreciation society)

My awesome CO group of friends dubbed ourselves the Johnny Snows after a ski trip to Loveland because it's also a reference from Dr. Horrible (Johnny Snow is a poser in a parka who has a grudge and is a wannabe nemesis of Dr. Horrible).

We decided we'll have t-shirts made because the marvelous ms. kimmie designed a wonderful logo... and we'll have our Evil names on the back :)

Colleen is the Ragging Recycler (it was going to be the Raging Recycler until a funny typo caused us to change it).
Marcy is MACHINE Guns... think Austin Powers and those sultry evil fembots.
Ms. Kimmie is The Crafter of DOOM.
Mary is She Who Must Not Be Named.
Jess is Marco Polio :P
her boyfriend Greg is the Dangerous Dangler (he wears a kilt :)
right now the rest are escaping me... but we had a good time brainstorming ideas.

I think at some point the Snows should do an Evil League of Evil Application, even though the contest is over and the winners were chosen long ago (on the Dr. Horrible DVD).
And I'm thinking the Hips of Fury might need her very own choreographed video LMAO :)

I leave you with a fine example of an evil mind at work...

anyone miss me?

2009-12-10T13:54:00.006-07:00

there were quite a few reasons not to blog... I had a massively clingy cold for 3 weeks that kept a cloud in my head and made it difficult to complete thoughts.

then there were days of just thoughts when I wasn't sure what to say... not exactly sure how to feel and not even understanding what was in my head or my heart.

I've battled many down & depression days like I'm sure we all do and thought, "do I really want to broadcast what I'm feeling on the internet?" And the answer has generally been... not really, no. easier to just stay silent and go back to sleep.

the fall months of this year have been painful but they have also been telling for me when it came to friends, family, relationships, creativity, dreams, goals; actually all the important areas of my life.

there were people that let me down, things I thought were meant to happen that didn't... things I envisioned happening that still haven't... all forms of attachment that I was clinging to that I had to learn to let go of. all lessons I had to learn and seem to still need to learn every day. why can't I just remember them the first time? why do I place expectations on people and myself that we can't live up to?

sometimes people and opportunities present themselves when we least expect it and then never appear when we want them to. I have to learn how to be grateful and open to when they show up and flexible when they do and find ways to pursue my dreams the times that they don't.

the attendance for my bellydance class is way down (as in, no one there) and when things like that happen I tend to internalize and personalize them instead of see the reality of the situation for what it more likely is.

it's a difficult time financially, I know not just for me, so am just trying to be grateful for the good things and focus on the possibilities that come along.

on the dating front, I'll have another first date next week looks like, keeping the same "wait and see" attitude... every time I do a reading on love or relationships, the reading turns into career/creativity, so I think that's life's way of telling me not to worry about love for now. fine. crap. translation: you'll be alone a lot more and create a lot of great stuff... which is cool, but you're still going to be alone.

I've been struggling on whether or not I'm really READY to date... which reminds me of a funny part from the movie 28 Days about people battling drug & alcohol addiction - Alan Tudyk's character asks when it's OK to date, and he's told to get a plant, and then a dog and in 2 years if both are still alive then it's OK to date. At the end of the movie we see his character at the plant shop:

Shop Owner: Sir, I can't replace the plant just because you killed it.

Gerhardt: I did not kill this plant, it was sick or something. I gave it everything. I was talking to it, telling it stories. I drew a sketch of it, and put it on my refrigerator.

Shop Owner: Did you water it?

Gerhardt: I-- I have-- It's important that I did not kill this plant, you understand? So if you're just saying that because that's how you're making your excuse, you have got to understand-- You can't mess with-- I'm never gonna get laid. [Sobs] You obviously don't care. And that's one thing I do, is care. I feel sorry for all the plants in here. I'm going home.

$75 Gift Certificate Giveaway!

2009-11-30T08:16:00.005-07:00

This is a site that I love - especially her artistic cat note cards that I purchase all the time to stay in touch with people back home. So it's worth a shot!

Here are her rules for the contest and link back to the Creative Goddess site:

1. Post this as a separate entry on your blog by Thursday, Dec 3rd at 3p (EST).
(You may borrow the graphic above.)
2. Once you do, post a comment here with your link.
3. Contest ends Thursday evening, Dec 3rd at 6p(EST).
4. Winning name announced Thursday evening,
5. You can’t be related to me -even thru marriage. Besides, you get all kinds of cool stuff from me anyway, right?
6. You must be reachable so that we can contact you. If I cannot verify your ID or reach you via email, learn that you’ve come from a ‘Sweeps’ forum, I will disqualify your posts.
7. Not redeemable for cash

what do you do with a BA in English?

2009-11-10T14:40:00.008-07:00

Apparently you write dating profiles really well.

I've been told by a couple fellas that they wished they could write about themselves as well as I write about myself --- of course that doesn't necessarily mean they want to date me.

I offer up suggestions to them that it's all about just being honest and expressing what really inspires them and throwing in a little of their personality. I think someday I might write a book on this stuff, however I don't think anyone would read it unless I'm actually in a successful relationship.

It's important to me to converse for a while first before meeting so it's not so awkward upon first meeting and I feel like if it's too much effort for them to do that, then why waste the time?

Some men see it the opposite way, they want to meet in person right away and see each other and they think that is the best, instant way to know if "it's there." I disagree - but if we see that differently, then that probably tells me what I need to know anyway.

So I have these half-assed messages from men asking me if I want their friendship and I'm thinking, sure, where is it?? Prove you are worthy of my friendship by, like, I don't know interacting and trying to get to know me more. Share yourself.

I realize not all of them will be former English majors but I do expect a natural curiosity from any who are genuinely interested.

Since a good number of my friends have met their spouse on match.com, I also recreated my profile on there. Much to my disgust a 60 year old man winked at me today. I'm tempted to pay the subscription fee so I can tell him to date women his own age and how pervy he is and how creepy and yucky that makes me feel. A year older than my dad. Ewww.

I don't know if I really hold out much hope for the online thing. At the moment I'm highly cynical. Generally the men that message me are either looking to shag that night, are 300 pounds, currently married, etc, you get the picture. Can I say, I'm starting to feel that men are dogs? (and that's an insult to dogs who, as Wanda Sykes would say, are loyal). And the ones that aren't, well, they kinda look like them. Damn I'm shallow... but aren't there attractive men who also have integrity? Oh yeah, they're married.

There are a couple fellas that seem educated and interesting but aren't especially attractive but I would put them in the maybe category... because there are the cases when you get to know a person and the more you learn about them, the more attractive they become. (But unfortunately it goes the other way too).

There are times I'm not sure I should actually bother replying to some of these messages. Sometimes I have to wait a day or so before I reply to think of a tactful response. I have a tendency to come off a bit bitchy sometimes and I know I have a superior attitude. But I'm sorry if your first message to someone is simply "wow"... I reckon that's a compliment, yes but.... exactly what am I supposed to do with that? My words can be sharp like a sword at times and while the idea does appeal to me I don't think I need to randomly slash a bunch of strange guys willy nilly.

Luckily I'm occupied with frequent bellydance choreographing and practice, friends, writing, guilty pleasure reading and dvd viewing, and any and all other passions time allows for.

I'm still waiting for my big brother Mark to hook me up with a rugby player...

Performance Do's and Don'ts - Dancing from your heart & exuding your style.

2009-11-04T13:51:00.004-07:00

Six questions to ask yourself about your dancing before a Bellydance performance.

By Nielle McCammon (to appear in the Jan/Feb issue of Shimmy in the Spirit of Bellydance magazine)

Over the summer I participated in a bellydance show in which the performers ranged from first-time beginner to seasoned professional. And what struck me was that the technically best performer was not necessarily the favorite performer for all the audience.

It also occurred to me that one or two of the performances were too experimental and strange for a show to an audience comprised of people who had never seen bellydancing before.

I was prompted to ask the guests I invited who their favorite performers were and why --- and I was extremely surprised at the answers.

Their favorites were not the seasoned professionals who showed off their technique mastery but the performers who were all about connecting with the audience and sharing the love of the dance from their heart. They liked the dancers who were playful (NOT sexual) and who seemed to love dancing more than showing off their talent.

That provoked me to take a poll among all my bellydancer friends to ask them what their biggest pet peeves are and also what captivates them most about bellydancers and performance techniques.

Here are some of the responses:

Peeves:

• Taking someone else's carefully crafted act move by move and presenting as your own...there are a lot of step for step Indigo imitators out there at shows...and repetitive moves (i.e., the same snake arms and chest locks every 20 seconds).
• Fake smile, constipated face, sex face, and flailing arms & hands.
• 'I bought this in a mall' sort of costumes often detract from the dance. Simplicity is good, cheesy bellydance costumes are not.
• Just going through the steps, regardless of skill level. Chicken arms! Spastic Arms, "Vogue-ing!" & whipping the veil like they are fighting with it.

Captivates:

• The dancer's energy...the ability to project the emotion of the music. Seeing that she is having fun!
• Dancers demonstrating many different skilled moves during improv dance. It doesn't matter what style of bellydance it is but I love it when you can see that someone has spent a lot of time enjoying their dance and has a large repertoire to draw from.
• Fluid movement, smooth transitions, crisp accents, nice body lines, unpredictable movement.
• When the dancer knows her music so well that the choreography fits completely with every change and accent in the music... the dancer's ability to work up and feed off the audience (if it is a live piece). And of course a sense of effortlessness from the dancer, as though her body just moves like this. All the technical ability and difficult combinations in the world don't evoke so much as a yip... but shimmies and smiles drive the crowd wild.

What bothered my guests about the seasoned professional performers/teachers, was that their performance seemed to show off their technique and their sexiness rather than their love of the dance. As dancers we can appreciate amazing technique because it takes a lot of hard work to attain. However, people new to bellydance don't know any of that, they just see the message that is projected by the dancer.

So when you're practicing for your next show, here are some questions to ask yourself before you take the stage:

1. What message are you conveying to the audience? Are you selling sex? Because if you are, it will make most of the audience (even some men) very uncomfortable. Or are you saying, “I’m a technically great dancer and you should be wowed by me” (which can come off looking mechanistic and void of substance). Or are you playfully, truly enjoying dancing and bringing a smile and happy feeling to your audience? Make it LESS about you, and more about them. In doing this, they will enjoy you more and you will be less focused on your own insecurities. This will also keep your smile from looking fake because you’re honestly communicating joy of dance.

2. Is your costume flattering, appropriate and secure? Or is it distracting? Are the props appropriate for the venue? Have you practiced enough with all your props? (For example sword, veil or fire can be really tricky in a small, indoor space). Are all your pieces pinned so they won’t fall off? (BRA, belt, skirt/pants) Speaking as someone who's had a bra pop open in the middle of a group performance, I can tell you I ALWAYS double safety pin the closures even if they seem secure!

3. Have you made this dance your own? Or are you ripping off an original step by step? It’s one thing to be influenced by a style, another to copy it completely.

4. Are you using all the knowledge you've accumulated in your routine? Or are you too focused on the move of the month? Remember all the styles you have studied and take time to reflect on movements you might have forgotten about.

5. Are you drawing the audience in with your smile and/or your eyes? Sometimes we focus on our dance so much we forget the audience. But really that connection is what it's all about isn't it? Translating our love of dance to others. Otherwise why are we dancing for anyone? If you're not going to connect with your audience, you might as well just dance in your living room.

6. Consider the venue --- what style of dance is appropriate? Is it a show for other dancers or for people new to bellydance? You don't want to misrepresent the art-form to newbies. My writing professor used to say, "you can't break the rules until you learn them." So show people new to bellydance the best fundamentals of the art-form and save experimental fusion pieces for specialized dancer gatherings. Even then, I think it's a good idea to keep fusion dances to a minimum unless it's specifically a fusion-type event.

I'd like to quickly reference a wonderful blog with a series called "How to Keep an Audience Awake" - it's very helpful:
From The Gypsy Kiss Blog for Bellydancers
http://thegypsykiss.com/blog/tag/performance/
"How to Keep an Audience Awake" has six main focuses:
1. Unpredictability
2. The Throne Room of the Empress
3. Humor
4. Focused confidence
5. Deliciousness
And, the crowning glory of ALL performance:
6. Wit.

A mentor suggested to me once, that when you enter the stage area, look around to your audience, saying with your eyes and smile, "thank you for being here and appreciating the art that feeds my soul. I give you now all the joy and expression in my heart."

TO WATCH US DANCE IS TO HEAR OUR HEARTS SPEAK. ~HOPI INDIAN SAYING

Thanks so much to Jennifer Morel, Elbereth Lorenz, Jessi Wilson and Zel Hayal for their contributions to this article!

---
Nielle McCammon is a resident of Lakewood, CO but previously grew up in Tempe AZ where her bellydance adventure began.
Please visit her website for bellydance resource links, teacher information, articles and more: www.shimmygoddess.com

not enough hours in the day

2009-10-27T16:13:00.010-06:00

Recently I started writing a story that began to take over my life a bit... when it comes down to it, I don't actually have the energy and time for THAT many hobbies even though I have a lot of interests. Also, my stupid head is still acting up with quite a few migraines lately, so I have to make the most of the healthy and productive days when they happen.

My top priority is to feel prepared for the weekly bellydance class I teach on Saturdays. There are 2-3 gals that I DIDN'T bring into it who I didn't know previously who are REALLY into my class and that has proved to be highly exciting but also raises the expectations I have for myself to make it a continually challenging and fun class for them. They are very interested in performing the choreography we're learning at the December Studio 21 student recital.

It was always a peeve of mine when teachers I paid good money to study dance with didn't seem prepared for class, so I want to be worthy of their time and energy.

After 9 hours during a weekday of web programming or administrative junk at work, I often find myself too intellectually tired or unable to do much of anything productive in the evening. On a good day I might be able to work out a little or do a couple chores. I might even be able to work out what my hand out will be for dance class during a work day on a break.

I feel like after a long day of work I deserve to watch something in the evening that makes me happy, so that usually sucks some time... Castle, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, So You Think You Can Dance, Glee, Dollhouse, whatever I got from Netflix that looks good.

Then of course there's family or friend social time... I am a Gemini after all and half the time a very social creature...

So yeah, the story's not going to get much attention ALL the time. Since I'm writing it for fun, I don't feel the need to pressure myself to do it. However it's still very much on my brain and I find myself drifting to sleep at night trying to figure out how to tell it without giving away all the details at once...

There's still a lot to tell though --- perhaps during the plane ride to/from Phoenix next weekend I'll get some more done.

finding Glee at work

2009-10-23T12:43:00.004-06:00

I can't seem to get enough of the songs from Glee. Some of them I like even more than the originals - which is saying something! Especially considering original artists range from Jill Scott, Queen, Heart and some of my most favorites.

I'm such a Gleek, I've already preordered season 1. Which won't come till January but then I think it will be time for a singalong marathon!

And luckily I know just the gleeks to do it with :)

You can listen here:

http://www.myspace.com/musicfromglee

Jasmin Jahal's articles

2009-10-21T11:12:00.002-06:00

I took a zill workshop with Jasmin once and really enjoyed her knowledge and enjoyment of the dance.

Last night I was doing more Isis research for my fiction story and came across an article she wrote on Isis. It really is historical and has nothing to do with bellydance but very interesting nonetheless.

I link to one article from her on my dance website but she has a wealth of information she's written on MANY topics that I plan on sharing with my students :)

http://www.bestbellydancechicago.com/Newsletter/article_archives.html

Serious Scooby research mode

2009-10-18T17:29:00.002-06:00

Last night I could NOT sleep - so after watching all my Netflix movies, I went back to my JR Ward novel. I wholeheartedly blame her for the trippy dream that ensued once I drifted off about 4 or 5.

It was so vivid I literally felt it and when I woke up sweating I wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't. But what I was left with was a somewhat original idea for a story. I started writing what I remembered and was surprised how quickly and easily it flowed and how many ideas I had to build a larger story.

Right now I just have a first chapter but am flooded with ideas and possibilities. I don't want to give away the plot for fear someone else rips it off, but it will be rooted in mythology, fiction, lore, superstition and more.

As Buffy would say, I got in serious Scooby research mode and found a couple books at the store that will help build the ideas.

It's been a good long while since I've been this inspired to write and it's so much fun!

another juicy nugget from Tom Robbins

2009-10-15T08:43:00.002-06:00

I just love him...

From the article "Tom Robbins Incognito - Tracking the Pacific Northwest's Elusive Literary Outlaw" By Christian Martin

"What matters is that we enlarge our souls, light up our brains, and liberate our spirits. What matters is that we hop on a strange torpedo and ride it to wherever it's going, ride it with affection and humor and grace, because beyond affection, humor and grace, all that remains is noise and sociology!

What matters is that we never forget that the little paper match of one individual's spirit can outshine all the treasures of commerce, out-glint all the armaments of government, and out-sparkle the entire disco ball of history."

"A book reviewer once opined that 'Robbins needs to make up his mind whether he wants to be funny or serious.' Robbins replied, 'I'll make up my mind when God makes up his. If I have learned anything in my life, it is that there is no wisdom without playfulness'. "

Practice for the New Millennium by the Dalai Lama

2009-10-14T15:38:00.000-06:00

Practice for the New Millennium by the Dalai Lama
The Practice:

1. Spend 5 minutes at the beginning of each day remembering
we all want the same things (to be happy and be loved)
and we are all connected to one another.

2. Spend 5 minutes breathing in, cherishing yourself; and, breathing out
cherishing others. If you think about people you have difficulty cherishing,
extend your cherishing to them anyway.

3. During the day extend that attitude to everyone you meet.
Practice cherishing the "simplest" person (clerks, attendants, etc)
or people you dislike.

4. Continue this practice no matter what happens or what anyone does to you.

These thoughts are very simple, inspiring and helpful.
The practice of cherishing can be taken very deeply if done wordlessly,
allowing yourself to feel the love and appreciation that
already exists in your heart.

Attn dance teachers & dancewear vendors

2009-10-11T13:46:00.005-06:00

I've decided I want to monetize my blog but I want to choose who I advertise on my site.

So I'm going to start right now advertising my favorite new bellydance magazine based out of Sedona, AZ: Shimmy in the Spirit of Bellydance. Holly Luky has created a wonderful, positive forum for sharing the love of the dance and fostering a spirit of COMMUNITY not competition.

The articles range from fitness, to positive body image, to dance styles and techniques and so much more. I'm in the process of writing an article for submission that I will end up sharing here as well related to do's and don'ts of performance and defining your dance style.

I'd also like to advertise costume and dancewear vendors since let's face it, we need something to dance in! I really enjoy Dance Distributors for general dancewear and have a large number of bellydance vendor links on my website shimmygoddess.com

So if you are a dance teacher, performer or vendor, please contact me if you would like free advertisement on my blog. I believe in the power of networking between those who share a deep love of the arts.

the reason for my halloween costume

2009-10-06T12:16:00.018-06:00

if you don't know by now, I'm a weird girl. Always have been :P and I also tend to be kind of an escapist when it comes to not being able to handle life's pain. When I was little I would escape into my room listening and singing along to records. Now it's DVDs mostly since music can sometimes touch my raw nerves so intensely that it's not so much an escape as it is therapy.

I've been going through a lot in my personal life since the end of July. Mostly what has been happening are my perceptions changing, more than anything else. The power of perception is mighty in the choices we make in life. I realized that my mindset had been focused on what I wanted things to be instead of how they actually are.

An example of this struck me as I was watching the Tim Burton version of Sweeney Todd (one of many viewings).

Quick side note~ I made these comments on my friend Mark's blog in reference to how I've been dealing with my dark time:

When I got to my very darkest moments in July-Sept., one very strange thing made me feel better, watching Sweeney Todd. First of all, I love the music and the mayhem in it. When I say dark moments, I mean like I can’t get out of bed, no food, sleep, nothing holds appeal and though my heart was always hurting, the rest of me was numb. I wouldn’t or couldn’t care about anything or anyone and my will to live was just about gone. But Sweeney (Benjamin) had it so much worse and he’s become a twisted, angry, evil and vengeful soul. Now I KNOW I’m never so bad off that I will go off slitting a bunch of people’s throats :) and somehow I find comfort singing along with him about the treachery of men.
I never watched the whole thing…. just enough to vent, sing and laugh (yes laugh, it’s a funny musical, I keep telling people that but they don’t believe me – well not the end but certain parts!)

So yeah I'm a weird girl. ANYWAY, back to what struck me while watching Sweeney... Mrs Lovett has a song in which she is daydreaming about the life that she and Sweeney Todd could have together.

We the audience, laugh at her ridiculous song because we know this man is past the point of no return and there's no way in hell he could be a husband to her. Even in her dream/fantasy sequence, he is glum, moody and monosyllabic yet she is over the moon because in her mind everything is perfect. I laughed at this scene until I realized that I too hail from delusion-land. It's easier to live in your dream world instead of accept the ugliness and reality of the situation.

So in addition to her being a fascinating and perfect halloween character, Mrs Lovett also represents habits about myself I wish to change. (to an extent, you know... I don't even like meat pies :)

I leave you with the lyrics to "By the Sea" - dream sequence from Sweeney Todd:

MRS. LOVETT:

(she kisses Todd)
Ooh, Mr. Todd! (kiss)
I'm so happy! (kiss)
I could (kiss)
Eat you up, I really could!
You know what I'd like to do, Mr. Todd? (kiss)
What I dream (kiss)
If the business stays as good?
Where I'd really like to go,
In a year or so?
Don't you want to know?

TODD: (spoken) Yes, yes, of course.

LOVETT: Do you really want to know?

TODD: (spoken) Yes, I do, I do.

LOVETT: (spoken) I've always had this dream...
Ever since I was a skinny little slip of a thing and my rich Aunt
Nettie used to take me down to the seaside August Bank Holiday...
The pier... Makin' little castles in the sand...
Ooh, I can still feel me toes wigglin' around in the briney!

By the sea, Mr. Todd, that's the life I covet,
By the sea, Mr. Todd, ooh, I know you'd love it!
You and me, Mr. T, we could be alone
In a house wot we'd almost own,
Down by the sea!
Wouldn't that be smashing?

TODD: Anything you say...

LOVETT:
With the sea at our gate, we'll have kippered herring
Wot have swum to us straight from the Straits of Bering!
Ev'ry night, in the kip, when we're through our kippers,
I'll be there slippin' off your slippers!
By the sea,
With the fishies splashing!
By the sea!
Wouldn't that be smashing?

TODD: Anything you say, anything you say...

LOVETT:
I can hear us wakin,'
The breakers breakin,'
The seagulls squawkin,'
'Hoo, hoo!'
I do me bakin,'
Then I go walkin'
With you-hoo!
Yoo-hoo!
I'll warm me bones on the esplanade,
Have tea and scones with me gay young blade,
Then I'll knit a sweater
While you write a letter
Unless we've got better to do-hoo!

TODD: Anything you say...

LOVETT:
Think how snug it'll be underneath our flannel
When it's just you and me and the English Channel!
In our cozy retreat kept all neat and tidy,
We'll have chums over ev'ry Friday!
By the sea!
Don'tcha love the weather?
By the sea!
We'll grow old together!
By the seaside,
Hoo, hoo!
By the beautiful sea!

(spoken)
Oh, I can see us now, in our bathing dresses!
You in a nice, rich navy, and me... stripes, perhaps.

It'll be so quiet,
That who'll come by it,
Except a seagull
Hoo, hoo!
We shouldn't try it,
Though, 'til it's legal for two-hoo!
But a seaside wedding could be devised,
Me rumpled bedding legitimized!
Me eyelids'll flutter,
I'll turn into butter,
The moment I mutter I do-hoo!

By the sea, in our nest, we could share our kippers
With the odd payin' guest from the weekend trippers,
Have a nice sunny suite for the guest to rest in,
Now and then, you could do the guest in!
By the sea,
Married nice and proper!
By the sea,
Bring along your chopper!
To the seaside,
Hoo, hoo!
By the beautiful sea!

i thank you god for this most amazing...

2009-10-02T08:56:00.001-06:00

i thank You god for most this amazing day:
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

~e.e. cummings~

right thought, into actualization of dreams

2009-09-29T09:28:00.009-06:00

"Your own words are the bricks and mortar of the dreams you want to realize.
Your words are the greatest power you have.
The words you choose and their use establish the life you experience."

~ Sonia Croquette ~

"Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves. We must learn to respect them. We must learn to listen"

~ Sarah Ban Breathnach ~

and in order to accomplish these things, we need to love ourselves and believe in our capabilities.

from this inspirational website, here are some Recipes for Self Love:

Take full responsibility for your life.
Stop blaming others.
See yourself as the cause of what happens to you.

Do things you like to do.
Don't stay in a job you don't like.
Participate in life at the highest level you can.

Stop terrorising yourself with your thoughts.
Be gentle and kind and patient with yourself.

Give yourself the simple pleasures of life abundantly.
Wear clothes you feel good in, get a massage etc.

Watch what you say. Avoid self put-downs.
Stop being critical of yourself and others.

Take care of your body.
Give it exercise and good food.

Be willing to create a life-style that generates and nourishes self-esteem.
Associate with others with high esteem.

Acknowledge yourself frequently.
Keep a diary of your successes and accomplishments.

Avoid comparing yourself with others.
Remember that it's who we are, not what we do, that's important

Give yourself permission to do nothing periodically.
Schedule time by yourself.

Frequently take deep breaths.
Discover the benefit and pleasure of breathing fully.

Eat first class frequently.
Don't look at the right side of the menu.

Stop trying to change others.
Focus your attention on being the way you want others to be.

Look into a mirror regularly
and say "I love you, I really love you".

Stop feeling guilty and saying "I'm sorry".
See mistakes as valuable lessons and avoid judging yourself.

Consciously generate positive thoughts and feelings of self-love
in place of old thoughts of inadequacy.

Be willing to laugh at yourself and at life.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Accept compliments from others without embarrassment.
Don't invalidate their positive thoughts and feelings about you.

Be kind to your mind.
Don't hate yourself for having negative thoughts.
Gently change your thoughts.

Keep your awareness and your thoughts focussed in present time
instead of living in the past or future.

Acknowledge others frequently.
Tell them what you like and appreciate in them.

Invest money in yourself.
Go to seminars, workshops and courses that develop your talents.

Make a list of 10 things
you love doing and do them frequently.

Treat yourself as you would treat someone you really loved.
Praise yourself.

Author Unknown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know about telling myself I love you in the mirror... I could try but I think anyone would feel kind of silly doing that.... kind of hearkening back to Stuart Smalley's "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me!"

But there's some good advice in there.

now to follow it...

the many lessons of belly dance

2009-09-28T09:57:00.010-06:00

I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard, "I hate my body" from a woman.
Let's face it, unless we're genetically blessed, we all basically hate our bodies. Girls in our society are taught at a very young age about the "American Ideal" of beauty through their peers, advertisements, shows & movies, videos, etc. And while men face similar struggles, I feel that women are always judged more harshly than men by their physical appearance.

One thing that woman struggle with in bellydance is the whole process of becoming comfortable in their skin... accepting their bellies and their curves as part of what makes them beautiful and accepting our individual nuances. It's hard to see an incredible bellydancer, knowing that those movements will look totally different on our bodies - and that's just because every body is different.

My bellydance classes start Saturday Oct. 3rd at Studio 21 (yippee!!) and I am going to (in addition to focus on technique, fun and education) also have a brief quote of the day regarding female empowerment and studying how bellydance can teach us many things about ourselves.

I found this article that is a personal narrative on issues that surface while mastering bellydance.http://www.visionarydance.com/HealingDanceArc3.html
she mentions:
1. Freeing my Pelvis and Spine
2. Shame and Negative Body Image
3. Intimacy and Opening my Heart
4. Sexuality and Empowerment
5. Anger and Judgment

One thing I want to try to emphasize is that bellydance is NOT about being a sexpot. Ava Fleming said to me once, "bellydance is sexy by accident" - you don't need to sex it up.

I don't want women to take bellydance to be sexy for their men... I want women to truly understand how mastering every muscle in their bodies gives freedom and a feeling of empowerment like NONE other.

(And incidentally you will just become sexier by accident :)

I also want to try to foster a spirit of COMMUNITY NOT competition among women. Women tend to get very competitive with one another and I don't believe that has any place in the world of bellydance. I see this art-form as a sisterhood; and as such, we should help each other along our journeys instead of tearing each other down.

Anyhow, I will probably be blogging more often on this subject as I prepare my lesson plans for dance class.

Why do I have the sudden urge to yell "Ya Ya!" ? :)

thought for the day

2009-09-17T09:25:00.001-06:00

from Taro Gold:

Apparent distinctions exist only in our minds. For example, in the sky there is no distinction of east and west. People create such distinctions and then believe them to be true. We do the same in everyday life—making distinctions, such as "us" and "them," where none exist and then believe them to be real.

excellent advice from a friend

2009-09-16T08:42:00.006-06:00

Which I'm blogging so I don't forget and can keep coming back to my new mantra from the amazing @cupcakemafia:

Firstly there's this pearl: "Never ever be with a man who says "I don't want to hurt you" It means that a. they have a track record of hurting women & b. they probably already have forseen how they will hurt you"

NEVER thought of this before but it's sooooooo true! and I have the history to prove it.

then some more observations she had on my patterns in relationships:

"I think we may have discovered why you get so wrecked during break ups.
It's not just losing a loved one; you have a history of these broken wing birds that you want to nurture. So the end of the relationship is not just a romantic dissolution but almost feels like you failed at saving them.
I know because I have been there.
I used to stick it out in relationship until it got super ugly or I was just a mess because I hate failing."

Just give yourself a little mantra: "No more broken wing birds, I deserve someone whole and healthy."

Thank you my friend. This will be hard for me because I do love to nurture and help people... but I want to heed this advice and discontinue these patterns.

I guess we'll just have to wait it out

2009-09-15T08:28:00.001-06:00

I was going to blog about me until...

2009-09-14T20:05:00.003-06:00

... I found out Patrick Swayze died. crazy swayze (How I Met Your Mother episode season 3).

this man was a rarity. a loyal husband, talented dancer and actor. and STRAIGHT.

seriously rare, wonderful man. made dancing manly and sexy for men, what every woman dreams of!

right now his real-life love story is occupying my brain and my heart goes out to Lisa, his dance and life partner.

Sending her love and thanking you crazy swayze, you rocked our socks off.

sediment removal time

2009-09-13T09:54:00.000-06:00

When we are upset, it's easy to blame others. The true cause of our feelings, however, is within us. For example, imagine yourself as a glass of water. Now, imagine past negative experiences as sediment at the bottom of your glass. Next, think of others as spoons. When one stirs, the sediment clouds your water. It may appear that the spoon caused the water to cloud—but if there were no sediment, the water would remain clear. The key, then, is to identify our sediment and actively work to remove it.

be who you are

2009-09-08T22:01:00.007-06:00

sounds simple (downright bordering on silly) right?

until a very wise person tonight reminded me that I'm trying to be what other people need me to be, instead of demanding they take me as I am.

of course it's good to be compassionate, giving and forgiving... but you can O.D. on those things too. so much that you convince yourself of something or nothing but either way you aren't being honest.

just like "fake it till you make it" can certainly help in difficult times... it can also go on too long. if you're glossing over life trying to make things pleasant, you're lying to yourself and the people around you.

none of it's simple and every day it's the same recurring challenge. for all of us.

to live an authentic life and live it well. I guess it's the biggest challenge of all eh?

this is mostly a reminder to myself. but I think we could all use a soulful nudge.

only 4 more days to sign up for my beginning bellydance workshop (Denver)

2009-09-08T08:53:00.009-06:00

If you are in the Denver area and have always wanted to try bellydance, now is your chance!

I have a challenging, yet FUN syllabus planned (click here to preview the workshop agenda and choreography).

Here is all the information. If you are interested in reserving your spot, please visit Studio 21's website and click the last option for a one-time payment of $20.
http://www.studio21-dance.com/onlinepayments.htm

Date: Saturday, September 12, 2009 Time: 2 - 4 PM

Place: Studio 21 Dance Studio
1821 Youngfield St Golden, CO 80401
(720) 435-6689 Studio Director, Jessica Smith

Cost: $20

Several hip scarves will be available to borrow - first come first served.

Bring water and wear clothes you are comfortable to move in.

Hand-outs will be provided with important links to the choreography, information on bellydance and a link to a survey to let me know how I did.

There are going to be several ladies there who have NEVER taken bellydance before, so please don't be shy!

TGIF & a long weekend!

2009-09-04T12:57:00.005-06:00

as I impatiently wait for this last hour to pass before hitting the road to Jazz Aspen Snowmass with Colleen, I thought I'd share a quote I got via email:

04 September 2009

In the general sense, "faith" means to establish one's awareness of true self—to realize that the infinite dignity of the universe and the nature of one's life are the same; to recognize that indestructible happiness exists right here and now within oneself. In this light, faith means to cherish and develop the potential of one's own precious life.

~Taro Gold

hmmm I'd never thought of faith in those terms before.

reminds me of Shepherd Book telling Mal to believe ~ he didn't care in what. (if you don't know wtf I'm talking about, GO WATCH FIREFLY and then SERENITY).

ok that's about as deep as I go today. In other news, some evil demon brought us massive quantities of delicious cookies, brownies and candies and I've proceeded to make myself sick. :P

but all will feel better as soon as that show starts tonight! :) Here's hoping traffic allows us to get there by the time Michael Franti goes on at 8.

Peace ~ have a wonderful, LONG weekend!

It's not like your strength is in your hair, right?

2009-09-03T09:52:00.010-06:00

"No, I believe it is in my biceps" (from Angel Season 3, Episode 14 "Couplet)

this is of course a reference to the Samson & Delilah story from the bible where she learns the secret of his power and strength is in his hair and cuts it all off.

It got me to thinking recently about women and their relationship to their own hair and it's associations to femininity (often the "power" of a female to get her way).

and then started to think of perceptions of hair and how it used used in culture:
Hair, power, punishment, and status

Of course I'm thinking about these things because I recently got all my hair chopped off. Luckily I THINK I'm one of those women who can "pull it off" to quote men's perceptions of women with short hair. I generally think that most men prefer women with long hair because it's feminine, they can play with it, smells associated with it, etc.

I started wondering, why do I CARE what men think? Is my vain need to feel desired and attractive really more important than expressing myself? I feel like short hair is like removal of a veil that we women tend to hide behind. It feels naked, raw, brave and bold. I feel stronger now with it gone. Hair is TIME but not only that it's a routine and sometimes expensive beauty regiment.

Often hair is cut in mourning like Yoko did with John (see that link above on hair power, punishment, etc). Since I am going through so many changes and shifts in my life right now, I've decided that I mourned the loss of a less effective and enlightened self and am now redefining me and getting rid routines and old traditions.

Flappers cut their hair in the 20's as a sign of freedom and sexual independence. And the fact that some religions and cultures STILL regulate what women can and can't do with their hair, makes me even more fiercely glad I have the freedom to assert control over my own appearance and sense of self.

The lady who empties the trash in our office told me she would love to cut her hair as short as mine but her husband won't let her (just another bonus to being SINGLE). Of course that brings up another cultural topic I don't want to veer into.

I'm not too worried about my appeal anymore... anyone who found me attractive before still seems to now. My strength isn't in my hair, it's in the character that has formed from life's challenges.

Bless You

2009-08-27T12:44:00.005-06:00

This came in an email from my mom and wanted to share with you, interwebz.

An example of how a perfectly normal societal response can make a huge impact on someone's life. The smallest thing can make a difference and you may never realize.

Some days my whole outlook on life can change just after some friendly banter with a co-worker who doesn't usually talk to me. And some days, a simple "bless you" can go a long, long way. These days, I need all the blessings I can get and I'm sure you do too. So for whoever reads this, BLESS YOU! :-)
---------------------------------------------------

An excerpt from
May You Be Blessed
by Kate Nowak

It happened a few days after my father’s death, in that mind-numbing period of adjustment after someone we love leaves us. Having gone shopping for necessities for my trip back to my own home, I was standing in an otherwise empty aisle of a large chain store when suddenly I sneezed, the last vestiges of an allergy attack I’d fought earlier in the week.

Almost instantly, from the next aisle over I heard a voice call out, “Bless you,” and then another, and another, and yet another. All in all, in the span of only a few seconds, I counted eleven different voices coming from every possible direction in the store, some saying “God bless you,” others using the word “gezundheit,” but all blessing me, all calling good down upon me.

At first I thought little of it. After all the idea of blessing someone when they sneeze is rooted in superstition, an archaic belief that in the act of sneezing the soul is thrown from the body, and a blessing is needed for spiritual protection.

Today, it is usually offered as no more than a courtesy, a polite response that has come to be socially accepted and expected. But on that particular day, in the first few moments following all those blessings being called out to me, I began to notice a difference in myself: A slight shift in perception that left me feeling more connected and empowered than I had in days. It also left me, for the first time since my father’s passing, more confident that everything would be all right.

Driving back to my father’s house that day, I continued periodic “feelings” checks, marveling at how much stronger I felt. Later, sitting in my parent’s kitchen for what would be one of the last times, I recounted the story to my stepmother. “Do you think any of them realized what they were saying?” she asked. “Or was it just out of habit?”

“Just habit,” I answered with a shrug, thinking about what a shame it was that people could give such a needed gift as a blessing and not even be aware of what they had done. “It should be a habit, this business of blessing other,” I said a moment later. “But it would be nice if people actually knew they could and were making a difference.”

A seed was planted that day and two years later it sprouted, awakening me one morning to a gentle soul-whisper that poured forth as the words of a special blessing. Feeling compelled to take pen and paper from my nightstand, I prodded myself into full wakefulness and then sat on the edge of the bed, like a secretary poised for dictation, pen ready to capture each syllable as the inspired words flowed into my awareness.

Because of the power of the internet, those words have since been sent across the planet and read by millions, and as a result, I have received thousands of letters from people telling me how May You Be Blessed has impacted their lives. And in each and every instance I have found myself blessed in return.

I have often wondered since if my new found work as a dispatcher of blessings is the result of a serendipitous accident that placed me in a crowded store on a day when I was both prone to sneeze, and to listen to subtle nudges from the heart. Or was it, perhaps, that my father’s gentle spirit was present that day, inspiring others to offer blessings so that I might be lifted up?

Of course, it is a question I cannot answer, but I do know that since that time my life has changed remarkably. Each day is now entirely centered on the act of blessing and I have come to recognize it not only as one of the most powerful and practical ways we have for reconnecting with each other, our world and Life itself, but also the most phenomenal way possible to lead us to happiness and success. It is a discovery I now endeavor daily to share with all.

A blessing, I have come to realize, is a sweet release from pain; a sacred reminder that we are made of love and light and goodness and, as such, part of a greater and most wondrous whole. It is an ancient key to a successful and fulfilling life.

Today, whenever I share with others this phenomenal key, explaining how, as we each develop the habit of blessing others we are blessing our own lives, as well, I feel as if I have been given a wonderful gift. I realize once again how truly blessed I am. It is my hope that as you read this book and allow the words of this blessing to enter your heart, you will be blessed in return. I could not ask for anything sweeter to my soul than that.

Twitter Wit

2009-08-25T13:58:00.001-06:00

I want this book so I can follow more funny people :)

http://www.harpercollins.com/features/twittersweeps/?WT.mc_id=REFL_TWITTER_TWIT_082409

Browse Inside this book

Get this for your site

songs n dances make life worthwhile

2009-08-21T13:26:00.006-06:00

so much going on now... definitely teaching my first beginning bellydance workshop... Sept 12! Now this weekend it's time to plan and choreograph!

I plan on dancing as much as possible at Studio 21... got my unlimited pass for the month. Tomorrow - ZUMBA! Thursday and Monday nights - hip hop. Makes me happy.

Also really going to try to get together with Adam and Jon to record some harmony vocals on the music they've been working on. Hopefully will see them Sunday.

I'm going to see Michael Franti and Brandi Carlile next month - can't wait.

one of my favorite singers, Imogen Heap has a new album releasing in a few days, but she was nice enough to let us listen to it early:

what did I say?

2009-08-05T12:42:00.008-06:00

yep not much blogging in July. it was busy, intense, at times a blast, emotional and there's a little spillage into this month but lots of fun things coming up...

I'm trying to determine direction in my life. I have TOO many interests. They're split between more lucrative endeavors like pursuing web design projects and my passions; singing and belly dance. It seems like doors to each keep opening and closing and it's confusing as to know which one to take or knock on (so to speak).

Sometimes it's easier for me to stay busy with family and friends because it's fun, easy and I don't feel the pressure to commit to one or the other passion at that point. It would be really handy certain days if I could actually split my gemini self into two people so I could pursue everything that inspires me.

I plan to get to Jessica's studio 21 in Golden next week for hip hop and maybe with more regular attendance there we can get back to discussing a beginning bellydance workshop. I've already started developing the curriculum :)

In the works are also notes I have for an article to Shimmy in the Spirit of Bellydance due Aug 20 (that's more a reminder to myself... finish something you crazy Gemini!).

Then of course if Adam still wants me to join his music projects, that's a possibility too. I've been listening to his new songs trying to think of melodies and lyrics that go with the theme he's emailed me about...

this article:
Love Without Attachement is helping me through some emotional times. And I fear it might be a life-long lesson to learn. Things never get easy in life, we just have to appreciate the quiet, peaceful moments when we have them.

and hope that some kind of light bulb shines in the direction we're supposed to take...

might not be blogging much in July

2009-07-08T09:54:00.003-06:00

July is a crazy busy month... my honey is finally back from driving across country to visit family (I do NOT rest easy when my narcoleptic luvah is ALONE driving many miles and texting me that he is a zombie). I have only the rest of this month with him before he leaves to deploy overseas for 6 months. And this month is also filled with bellydance workshops, performances and in addition I'm house/pet-sitting in Littleton the last two weeks of the month.

Needless to say I could possibly be a neglectful friend/sibling/daughter moreso than normal for purely selfish reasons in July. In fact, there are a couple "optional" things scheduled that I might back out of as well. In advance, I apologize.

I have a few ideas for blog posts but not the time or energy to make them happen. Not that I think many people read this anyway. Life would just be so much easier if everyone just read my blog! :P

where else can you watch classical ballet and alien jazz on the same night?

2009-07-02T10:28:00.007-06:00

Where else but So You Think You Can Dance?
At the show's opening, the brief solo intros that excite me: Ade! Melissa! Kayla! Phillip! These dancers take my breath away.

1. Janette and Brandon - Cha Cha
I do love these two, but what I don't love is all the faces Janette makes when she dances and I'm a little surprised the judges haven't mentioned it. She needs to keep her mouth closed a little more, but other than that I LOVED it. They are always high energy and explosive when they get out on stage. It was sweet to see Brandon teary over Mia's compliments after her initial reaction and dislike of Brandon (that no one ever understood).

2. Kayla and Kupono - Jazz with SONYA <3
Who better for Sonya's choreography than Kayla? This girl is my favorite next to Melissa. She's so good that I don't vote for her because I think Kupono needs to be the next guy to go home, though he is working VERY hard to match Kayla's brilliance but my eye always goes to her in every dance. I really love Sonya's unique choreography and watching Kayla dance it is a treat.

3. Randi and Evan - Broadway with Joey Dowling
They did a version of Bob Fosse's choreography from my FAVORITE number of Sweet Charity. I should have loved it. I didn't. Evan was good but that was to be expected since this is really his style. Randi fell short but I know she tried. Her arms were just not right - she didn't have the fluid arms needed for this number - it's really the focal point. Did anyone suggest to Randi to watch Sweet Charity before her performance? It's really hard to portray choreography this famous and I was left disappointed.

4. Jason & Caitlin, Jazz with Brian Friedman
I love Brian Friedman - I love the way the warped minds of the choreographers on the show work. Caitlin is to play an alien woman come to earth to procreate with the last man left alive, Jason. Her costume was FUN with spikes looking like a space age dinosaur, but I just don't feel she acts the part well. She is an awesome dancer, but she can't take the role given and make it her own. The dancing was enjoyable and fun, but still left wanting more from Caitlin. She was a bit too sweet to play a conquering alien. Jason danced it well, unfortunately for him the eyes were on the girl in the crazy costume.

5. Janine & Phillip - Hip Hop with NappyTabs (Tabitha & Napolean)
At this point I started thinking, are they still drawing out of a hat or giving people their own styles tonight? Of course Phillip is going to be brilliant in hip hop and Janine was great too. Couple CHAINED together. I agree with Mia that I was a bit distracted by the chain, hoping it wouldn't trip them and forgot to enjoy the dance at times, but it was a great routine and they danced it awesomely.

6. MELISSA & ADE - classical Pas de deux to the song Romeo & Juliet: Provofiev’s Suite. YES! Finally! AWESOME! WHO ELSE on this show could have done this routine? Possibly Kayla and Brandon, but thank God it went to the naughty ballerina and the beautiful Ade. They were perfect and it's so exciting that classical ballet has made its way to prime time. Mia brought up loving that it's a black and white Romeo and Juliet and I'll admit that contrast is quite lovely and their characters were believable and GORGEOUS. Can you imagine if Phillip had to dance Pas de deux?? No me neither and thank goodness he didn't have to.

7. Vitolio & Karla - Quick Step with Jean Marc
I haven't been Vitolio's biggest fan, but I picked up the phone for him and Karla last night. This number was really creative, starting off in a museum and Vitolio as an elegant gentleman statue in tails that comes to life. From the get go I giggled and loved this routine. He surprises Karla and her character was so entertaining. SHE ACTED as well as danced and I really don't think she got any credit for that from the judges. She transformed into a reversible dress and suddenly became a postured, ballroom goddess. They both really impressed me with a fun, lively routine.

Tonight I predict Jason & Caitlin, Randi & Evan will definitely be in the bottom. Vitolio and Karla might too, but I hope not. The judges didn't give Karla much positive feedback and I think she's a chameleon - slipping effortlessly into each style.

So does anyone know if they are still drawing from a hat?? Because if so, Phillip, Evan, Melissa all got REALLY lucky. Right?

The big announcement was that on July 23rd, the 100th episode, Katie Holmes will guest star dancing and (singing too?) in a tribute to Judy Garland. Hmm OK. :) whatever

Little spiel about the Dizzy Feet Foundation which Nigel started in an effort to bring the arts to underprivileged kids who show real promise. This is awesome - Debbie Allen made a good point in that the arts are ALWAYS what gets cut in schools, which to me is horrible. I really on excel in the arts and it wasn't until I discovered my gifts that I found my niche in life and the people important to me. I think it's great that Nigel is doing this.

For links to all the songs used in last night's performance show go to:
http://www.puresytycd.com/2009/07/01/so-you-think-you-can-dance-top-14-music/

10 energy saving tips that restore romance

2009-06-29T13:44:00.002-06:00

this comes to you courtesy of KamaSutra.com :)

1. Take your showers together
2. Save water and feed each other from the same plate, use fingers instead of utensils and lick each others fingers clean…
3. Turn off the lights and enjoy romantic candle light.
4. Spend one night a week laying on a blanket under the stars
5. Save energy and create your own heat…
6. Instead of a drive, go for a walk together ~ hold hands
7. Turn off the tv/computer and read to each other instead - a novel, a mystery, or some juicy erotica…
8. Instead of driving to the gym get your workout in bed
9. Reuse Kama Sutra packaging – Many of our gift sets are pretty enough to be used more than once. Gift boxes can be used to store bathroom supplies, memorabilia (pictures, love letters, etc.) or your favorite romantic essentials.
10. Last, but not least – Please recycle Kama Sutra packaging when possible.

yes, I know this was an ad, but I thought it was very clever. :)
those are green living tips I could actually do!

the day the pop king and angel died

2009-06-26T12:18:00.005-06:00

june 25 2009 michael jackson and farrah fawcett died.

had to abandon the interwebz when the news speculations killed twitter and random insults about mj moments after he had passed away killed my ability to deal with free speech.

but now people are more respectful and positive things are circulating.

paying homage to the pop king I'll be downloading mj albums I don't have later this evening...and have been listening to him off and on whilst coding away.

lucas of the cliks wrote a nice mj blog: http://blogs.myspace.com/thecliks

goodbye michael and I'm sorry the world was so crazy for you - who brought us so much great boogie music and inspirational dance moves. your talent and influence will obviously live on and I hope you're at peace.

What a difference ADE makes!

2009-06-25T09:30:00.005-06:00

The general consensus about last night's performance show (SYTYCD) is a bit disappointing. BUTT (:) There were a few shining moments thankfully and voting was much easier for me last night.

First off props to Toni Basil for her lifetime achievement and trail blazing in the world of hip hop, popping and locking. I remember seeing The Lockers on the very first season of SNL (I've been watching them from the beginning) and discovering that the chick that sang the Mickey song was actually very important in the world of dance.

1. Jonathan & Karla butcher a Dave Scott smooth hip hop routine. Nigel said it best, you two didn't even have your head nods together... wtf?? It was sloppy, uninteresting and totally out of sync. I adore Dave Scott and he deserved to see a better version of his dance.

2. Vitolio and Auska take on a rock jazz Mandy Moore routine.
I loved Auska's look and there were moments of excitement, but overall I didn't feel they were together enough, the leaps weren't very high and ended up being kind of underwhelmed.

3. Ade & Melissa RUMBA - thank GOD. Seriously, what a difference Ade makes (and Melissa). This is the couple to beat in my opinion... everything they've danced has been flawless, exciting, passionate and just thrilling. He looked like the reincarnation of a 70s love god and she was exquisite in that awesome dress - but beyond their look the dance was sultry and smokin!

4. Janette & Brandon - Dave Scott hip hop/ rock fusion
I enjoyed this a lot and Brandon was VERY impressive in this style of dance... he really brought a different character to the routine and occasionally I forgot who he was as he was dancing. Thankfully this couple redeemed the night for Dave after the first routine.

5. Kupono & Kayla - Viennese Waltz
I wanted Kupono to be the one to leave last week, so I went into this routine bitter. But I felt that he danced it very well, much more masculine than I expected him to be and Kayla was of course gorgeous, graceful and lovely. Yet, I still didn't vote for them b/c it wasn't that memorable of a routine for me and I figure Kayla will be OK considering how much the judges love her.

6. Evan & Randi - Mia Michaels hypnotizing butt routine :)
that's a terrible way to remember that routine (and there is a BUTT) because it was beautifully danced by these two. I LOVE that long, slow backbend they did and how committed they were to Mia's vision. FINALLY a really memorable number of the night and Randi and Evan performed more to their ability. These two were right up there with Melissa and Ade last night.

7. Caitlin & Jason - Paso Doble
I loved their costumes but that was about it. They both looked like they should have been doing a bellydance number instead of Paso Doble, which wouldn't that be awesome??? I felt like they didn't connect to each other at all during this routine and they were so focused on making it aggressive that there wasn't genuine passion behind it. I'm a little disappointed with these two because they have so much potential.

8. Janine & Phillip - Tyce Diorio Broadway
I LOVED this routine before they even started dancing - from the instant they started they were very animated, in character and energetic. I didn't agree with the judges about Phillip, I thought he really shined in this number (despite ripping his pants :) and Janine is very good at taking on roles in the dance, taking her ego out of the routine and becoming the character for the choreographer. And way to go on that couch jump wow!

So the couples I predict will be in the bottom: Jonathan & Karla, Vitolio & Auska, Caitlin & Jason and possibly Kupono and Kayla. Even though Kupono and Kayla danced the waltz well, it's not the kind of number that will get people to call in. We shall see tonight!

live phone on web show is challenging!

2009-06-24T15:05:00.002-06:00

so I got to finally ask my question to Lucas from The Cliks about Animal Farm but unfortunately I couldn't hear Morgan or Jen so it sounds like I totally blew them off! But I had no idea who that was in the video anyway. :P

I wanted to talk about the Perez Hilton situation too but because I was having so much trouble hearing I decided to just keep it brief. My call comes in about 15 minutes into the show.

source of the funk

2009-06-22T13:29:00.015-06:00

no this isn't a music blog post... I want to examine that mental funk we all get into, when we can't Spock our way through a situation with logic and reason. We should be happy, we should be grateful, but we can't help but dwell on the heaviness of a myriad of life issues.

sometimes it's as simple as taking a walk, making a phone call, playing with a pet or getting some sun or cardio to boost your mood. but let's face it, even if you eat and live healthy, unless you're a ROBOT, you're going to struggle occasionally with moodiness. I'll admit to not always taking the healthier option... wine added to PMS (according to the late Richard Jeni) is potion for a witches' brew. Alcohol rarely helps depression though we really want it when we're depressed don't we? (some of us anyway) If you suffer legitimately from depression and mood swings, that's a slightly different discussion, but still relevant here.

I'm not one of those people that believes we have to be happy all the time. There are days I let myself go emo, watch a tear-jerker or indulge in some random angst. Indulging yourself that way can be therapeutic, so long as you don't stay there too long.

More often than not though, I try to analyze the source of the discontentment... and we're back to the discussion about suffering again.

To get more personal, I am in love with someone I've been dating for 6 months and he is soon to be deployed to Iraq. He's been there before and he's rarely in a combat situation, so logically I know he should be fine. It's valid to miss him like crazy, considering how affectionate and passionate we both are. But now as the time nears, I find myself panicking or despairing or a myriad of reactions at unexpected times (typically when I'm very tired).

I've waited 35 years to meet this man and now my patience is being tested even more by all the obstacles in our lives. It's overwhelming and sometimes too much for me to hold in... and so in lieu of losing my mind, I turn again to others' wisdom.

There are many resources for spouses and families in terms of military relationships...

but I find I need some additional help again when it comes to seeking within and getting right within myself. Finding sites like THIS and THIS are helpful as well as a couple books from Taro Gold and Lama Surya Das I have.

If we can dispassionately examine our feelings and the root of them through mindfulness and meditation, at least we can feel like we're coping with these pesky emotions and perhaps more quickly resolve unsettling feelings in the future. It's a life-long practice.

And if that doesn't work, well it's good old fashioned ROCK n roll to the rescue...