that girl is a singin,
dancin fool

This time off gives me way too much introspective time - but perhaps that's what I need.  I don't really know my dream job, I just know I want to make the world a better place.  But obviously I'll take whatever job I'm offered because of the medical insurance situation.  Apologies for the stream-of-consciousness here... been a while since I blogged.  Hey, you should read Carrie Fisher's books - her brain bounces around way more than mine!

Let's see... I can sing, (and sight-read music), dance, write (occasionally), hack the interwebs, make pretty pictures, social network for hours and am an encyclopedia of useless pop-culture knowledge. That qualifies me for... ? (hypothetical & pondering)

I hate being asked on job interviews what my weaknesses are.  How are you supposed to answer that?

So right now, I'm re-designing myself, or trying to, like I would a web site.  It takes stepping back looking at the big picture, planning, sketching out a rough idea and then hopefully narrowing in on who I'm meant to be.  Or is my planning all pointless and the right job finds me?
It's always been a frustration to me to have SO many interests - so many that I can't decide which way to go.

So, my question to anyone who reads this ---- have you re-designed your life at some point?  What was that like and how did you approach it?

Would love comments!
xoxoxo

Guess what?  Yep jobless again and on the search.  This time I may try to do more freelance web, writing, communication, web copy, social media, singing, dancing.... whatever people need :)  I want to work for a place with a soul... a place that's dedicated to the work of good, not greed.  Hitting the non-profits, put up my profile on Andrew Hudson's jobs, on Indeed and Monster - let the search begin.

I would like to voice an apology to those who always send me holiday cards and never get one from me... I simply don't send them. I used to... but when you are single, no kids, sometimes it's tough to know what to say.

Generally holiday letters voice the best of what's going on. I'm going to be honest with you - 2011 was rough.

I was sick more than I've ever been, fired from a job for the first time and unemployed the entire summer. I stopped teaching bellydance and needed to take a season off from the Mile Hi choir. Romantic relationships proved to be too much to handle too.

But when I look back, I learned a heck of a lot from these challenges - and for that I'm grateful. And what's more, friends and family are plentiful so how can I be anything BUT grateful? I still have a home in Lakewood, CO and an old car that's still kickin, even through the snow!

Now I'm a contractor at First Data (one of the world's biggest credit card processing companies). My title is Technical Web Marketing Manager and it is the busiest, most challenging job I've ever had. I started in September and now FINALLY I am speaking their language and multi-tasking like a master. We manage HUNDREDS of high profile websites and the days fly by trying to keep up with all the projects. My contract is up mid-March... it will depend on their budget to find out if my contract will be renewed or perhaps will be hired as a First Data employee. What unemployment taught me... I can't control these things, so I'm believing it will all work out for the best.

Things were looking bleak... manic depressive treatment was going, but going slowly... troubles at work... feeling despised, hating getting out of bed...

then suddenly, I get a vibe... "you're getting fired." It's just a feeling at that point but I am always out of place in meetings --- since I started there actually. my 3rd day there was my birthday - not a single soul talked to me. the chattiest people were the smokers, so I pretended to be one of them for a while.

May 25, 2011 I get told I'm being terminated. I won't go into the details because I believe the actual reason is not completely the real reason.

I freak the frack out. I own a condo and am determined not to lose it.

I learn everything I can about collecting unemployment and living on the least I ever have.

But I realize... I have so far from nothing. I have beautiful parents and a step-parent who are supportive and nurturing... my condo is still mine, and I can do whatever the hell I want to (well including looking for a job, training, resume-rewriting... of course).

But on some days, a manic depressive (or even a "regular person") cannot sell themselves to the world... and you need a day off.

I had A LOT of those days. For a while, I was so afraid to do anything that would cost money, I'd stay home all the time. Especially once I remembered the make and year of my car and how long it had been since it had been serviced.

LOTS of nights waking up at 3am sweating, worrying, crying...

Until blessings stepped in and made me forget.

My sweet Annabell and Kristine (college friends) flew me up to Alaska where they live for the annual Girdwood Forest Fair. Kristine manages Maxine's restaurant and needed some extra help during the fair. OK first of all I was on an alcohol fast - second of all those Alaskans scarcely sleep - "it's only 3am Nielle! Time to watch a movie!" But I met the wackiest, funnest people... AND got to see Andy, a very dear friend I've known since Jr High who just HAPPENED to be there traveling... What a crazy random happenstance!

And the experience of rounding up drunk people at 2:45 am in Alaska will stick with me... "Who are you? Do you know your name? Where Do you live? Um who did you come here with? DOES ANYONE KNOW THIS MAN? Where are your people sleeping?"

Then the forest fair was lovely and what do I see in the middle of a 2,000 person Alaskan town fair but Moria Chappell - a bellydance SUPERSTAR and one of my heroes who I've taken bellydance workshops with! She didn't know me from mud but I stopped, looked her in the eye and said MORIA! (probably scaring her a little)... it was another crazy, beautiful vision happenstance.

Seeing Anna and Kristine after so many years was the biggest treat ~ I still can't thank them enough for getting me there. Next time I'm having Kristine take me shooting and Anna take me fishing.

Vacation #2 - Don't hate me but I got to stay in a resort in Sedona... my wonderful, thoughtful Grandfather has a fund for family reunions and gets us all together even though it's terrible work for he and grandma as they're in their 90's. My mom and Heidi drove up with the pups so I get to see her too as well as all the McCammons. No family is without its difficult moments but I treasure mine truly.

Then my friend Josh came to visit twice this summer. Great companionship as we get each other completely - and I can take him to visit high school buddies like Shelly. We looked through high school yearbooks, watched True Blood marathons, and Ziggy likes him way better.

Would I ever have taken this much time off? Never, so I'm guessing it was life's way of telling me.
Work on your story, visit people, get out in the world.... remember your purpose... which is????

Ahhh the elusive question - but things are looking up my friends :-)

Thanks for reading (those who did) <3

Hello strangers! I've not been blogging due to the slow and struggling demise of my previous laptop... now we're in business and I'm excited to be able to get to some web projects!

But the purpose of this post is to pass along a little info gleaned from BP Magazine, a very fine publication for those struggling with depression, bipolar, mania, etc.

It is also to thank family and friends for their support during this odd time of unemployment. The key to keep going, make plans with friends and family and have them harass you to keep those plans! Getting out and having purpose is the best cure for me.

For those of you who struggle with Bipolar, Manic Depression and Major Depression Disorder, here is some helpful info. Rarely do I think of natural disasters and the possibility of it happening to me - but you never know and wouldn't want your mental health to be even worse off...

For Those with Depression, Mental Health Resources May Help Empower Individuals Before Natural Disasters Strike

Almost 300 million people across the world were affected by natural disasters in 2010. When natural disasters hit, the possibility of being cut off from helpful resources, treatment, and medication can be an alarming thought for the millions of American adults affected by depression. Just as you prepare for an impending storm to ensure you have plenty of food, water, and backup light sources, preparation can be beneficial for those managing depression.

“Planning in advance of a natural disaster may help empower those with depression. There are several things you can do in advance to help ensure you can continue to manage your depression effectively,” said Dr Richard Jackson, psychiatrist at the Neurobehavioral Medicine Group.

Below are several tips to implement in advance of a natural disaster to help ensure you can effectively manage your depression.

Know your prescription refill routine. Try and prepare by filling your prescriptions ahead of time and identify various pharmacies in the area you can visit in case your neighborhood pharmacy is unavailable

Create an emergency index card with important phone numbers or contact information you might need (eg, your physician, local support group, pharmacist, family, friends)
Identify local chapters of mental health organizations like the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) or the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) that may offer classes or tips on preparing for crises and sign up

Identify the contact information for your local Red Cross chapter and familiarize yourself with the services it might be able to offer you in times of need
Go online and visit sites like www.TakeonDepression.com, sponsored by AstraZeneca, to access educational resources to help track and manage your depression

Importantly, there are many local resources available at the time of disaster as well. For example, the Find a Provider feature on the National Council for Community Behavioral Healthcare Web site can provide information about alternative local providers if your usual provider is not operational.

The combination of unemployment and depression is a volatile cocktail but things are moving in the right direction and finally am learning to see the blessings and move in positive directions.

Any other unemployed out there?

From the fascinating movie "Catfish" :::

"They used to tank cod from Alaska all the way to China. They'd keep them in vats in the ship. By the time the codfish reached China, the flesh was mush and tasteless. So this guy came up with the idea that if you put these cods in these big vats, put some catfish in with them and the catfish will keep the cod agile. And there are those people who are catfish in life. And they keep you on your toes. They keep you guessing, they keep you thinking, they keep you fresh. And I thank god for the catfish because we would be droll, boring and dull if we didn't have somebody nipping at our fin."

Death Star PR: 10 Easy Ways You Can Celebrate Star Wars Day:

"May the 4th be with you! Yes, May the 4th is here. Star Wars day. The day that we celebrate one of the greatest stories ever told, a story that has captured the hearts and minds and money (soooo much money) of countless fans for over thirty years. Apart from the bits with Jar Jar Binks in. (READ ON HERE)