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excellent advice from a friend

Which I'm blogging so I don't forget and can keep coming back to my new mantra from the amazing @cupcakemafia:

Firstly there's this pearl: "Never ever be with a man who says "I don't want to hurt you" It means that a. they have a track record of hurting women & b. they probably already have forseen how they will hurt you"

NEVER thought of this before but it's sooooooo true! and I have the history to prove it.

then some more observations she had on my patterns in relationships:

"I think we may have discovered why you get so wrecked during break ups.
It's not just losing a loved one; you have a history of these broken wing birds that you want to nurture. So the end of the relationship is not just a romantic dissolution but almost feels like you failed at saving them.
I know because I have been there.
I used to stick it out in relationship until it got super ugly or I was just a mess because I hate failing."

Just give yourself a little mantra: "No more broken wing birds, I deserve someone whole and healthy."

Thank you my friend. This will be hard for me because I do love to nurture and help people... but I want to heed this advice and discontinue these patterns.
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Comments

  1. GregSeptember 16, 2009 at 10:18 AM

    I agree with the broken wing bird scenario, I've been there so very many times myself, Jess knows about most of them, but I still have to disagree with "the pearl" intro. I think that falls in-line with guys saying that one thing which will guilt a person into having an interest. Sometimes there are guys that really do mean it, but are swept under the rug of past experiences...

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  2. NielleSeptember 16, 2009 at 10:21 AM

    point taken Greg but answer this for me, have you ever said "I don't want to hurt you" to a woman and what was the motivation/story behind it? Because I think the fact that someone is saying that (male OR female) means they think they probably will end up hurting that person.

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  3. TaliSeptember 18, 2009 at 12:49 PM

    It is inevitable that we will get hurt in realtionships to some extent. At some point however if a man/woman tries to talk you out of being interested in them with "I don't want to hurt you" or in the early dating stages "You're so wonderful I hope I never hurt you" or my favorite while in bed with someone I deeply cared for "Don't let me hurt you" it's highly like it's going to happen sooner than you think.

    When we are prone to breaking the hearts of people who care for us, we know it. Sometimes "I don't want to hurt you" is really a disclaimer and can be translated to "Hey, I am kind of a bitch. I know I seem charming now and you think you'll be different but I have hurt everyone I have been with and by telling you 'I don't want to hurt you' I am really saying, it's not my problem if I do. I warned you"

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