Skip to main content

excellent advice from a friend

Which I'm blogging so I don't forget and can keep coming back to my new mantra from the amazing @cupcakemafia:

Firstly there's this pearl: "Never ever be with a man who says "I don't want to hurt you" It means that a. they have a track record of hurting women & b. they probably already have forseen how they will hurt you"

NEVER thought of this before but it's sooooooo true! and I have the history to prove it.

then some more observations she had on my patterns in relationships:

"I think we may have discovered why you get so wrecked during break ups.
It's not just losing a loved one; you have a history of these broken wing birds that you want to nurture. So the end of the relationship is not just a romantic dissolution but almost feels like you failed at saving them.
I know because I have been there.
I used to stick it out in relationship until it got super ugly or I was just a mess because I hate failing."

Just give yourself a little mantra: "No more broken wing birds, I deserve someone whole and healthy."

Thank you my friend. This will be hard for me because I do love to nurture and help people... but I want to heed this advice and discontinue these patterns.

Comments

  1. I agree with the broken wing bird scenario, I've been there so very many times myself, Jess knows about most of them, but I still have to disagree with "the pearl" intro. I think that falls in-line with guys saying that one thing which will guilt a person into having an interest. Sometimes there are guys that really do mean it, but are swept under the rug of past experiences...

    ReplyDelete
  2. point taken Greg but answer this for me, have you ever said "I don't want to hurt you" to a woman and what was the motivation/story behind it? Because I think the fact that someone is saying that (male OR female) means they think they probably will end up hurting that person.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It is inevitable that we will get hurt in realtionships to some extent. At some point however if a man/woman tries to talk you out of being interested in them with "I don't want to hurt you" or in the early dating stages "You're so wonderful I hope I never hurt you" or my favorite while in bed with someone I deeply cared for "Don't let me hurt you" it's highly like it's going to happen sooner than you think.

    When we are prone to breaking the hearts of people who care for us, we know it. Sometimes "I don't want to hurt you" is really a disclaimer and can be translated to "Hey, I am kind of a bitch. I know I seem charming now and you think you'll be different but I have hurt everyone I have been with and by telling you 'I don't want to hurt you' I am really saying, it's not my problem if I do. I warned you"

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Belly Dance Practice On The Go

Hey dancers - frustrated because your budget or time doesn't allow for belly dance class? Do you spend countless hours behind a computer desk wishing you could be practicing dance instead? Well good news, you can practice isolations just about anywhere!  Sitting at your desk :   1. alternating glute squeezes.   This is pretty easy to do without anyone noticing (so long as your face isn't making a weird expression. :) As you hopefully know, alternating squeezing each butt cheek is a great way to build up your shimmy strength (while also building muscle memory). First make sure you have the correct posture. Then focus the mind on right cheek, squeeze and then left. If you can only do it slowly that's just fine, it's still an effective exercise and eventually you'll easily speed up. For more info on glute squeezes see Shira's website .  2. pelvic tuck, glute squeeze (both together).   Make sure your posture is correct. Sit toward the back of your chair wi

Ben Browder Q & A 2013

I really don't know the legality of writing in detail about a ticketed event at a convention... but I just had to share the fun that was Ben Browder for my fellow Farscape fans.  He is also know for Stargate (which I didn't really watch but just might now!) and was also on a recent episode of Arrow. But my heart will always beat for John Crichton of Farscape .  Thanks to my AZ BFF Alisha, I was introduced to the most creative sci-fi show I've ever seen.  Working with the Muppet studios and fantastical make-up creations, the show TRULY felt like another universe that would be phenomenally confusing to any human.  And that is part of the humor in it for me... I don't want to spoiler anyone who plans to watch the show, but poor John is a brilliant astronaut who is accidentally sucked into another universe, fumbling his way through, perpetually confused and mocked mercilessly for it. I'd been kind of disappointed in certain sci-fi shows in the past in that the aliens

lame lyrics

"so many things i want to tell you, everything i want to share, just gets blogged or tweeted even though those folks don't care. everything that makes me laugh or break out into a smile, fills me with a need to see you even just a little while." totally corny right? was just a random thought I had a week ago when missing my man. I dunno my biggest flaw as a musician is my inability to connect melodies I write to genuinely good lyrics. There's definitely an art to writing for songs versus writing poetry or stories. I think it baffles me most because what I consider great lyrics are so painfully simple, yet NOT if you get my point. I've been trying to pay attention to songs that really move me and pay close attention to the lyrics. The Cliks album Dirty King is a great example (it's not officially released yet but I bought a copy at their concert). Lucas' lyrics are powerful, yet just vague enough that they can be interpreted many ways and therefore h